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‘Snow Job’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Snow Job

218. Snow Job

Aired February 9, 1984

Sam says he's going up to Vermont for a family funeral, but Diane suspects he's really going on a ski weekend with his buddies. Meanwhile, Cliff is jealous of Norm's new friendship, and Coach tries to set a record for not breaking glasses.

Quote from Coach

Carla: That was Ann Marie's teacher. Said she's gonna have to hold her back.
Diane: Oh, that's too bad, Carla.
Coach: Oh, don't worry about it, Carla. It's just as bad to skip a grade.
Carla: You skipped a grade, Coach?
Coach: I skipped four. High school, I think they called it.

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Quote from Coach

Sam: Okay, well, I got to skedaddle. I got a funeral waiting for me.
Coach: Don't we all?

Quote from Norm

Norm: So the camel says, "You get your own date." Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Diane: Norman.
Coach: What's shaking, Norm?
Norm: All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach.

Quote from Cliff

Carla: So what's your problem, droopy drawers? You've been moping around here all night like a senior high-school girl who just broke up with her steady.
Cliff: Moping, Carla? I'm not moping. I'm just spending a little quiet time by myself. That's what a man is. Solitary, strong, independent. Ever hear of the lone wolf, Carla? The lone wolf, c'est moi. A man alone needing no one. I touch no one and no one touches me. I'm a rock. I'm an island.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Okay, okay, all right. I'd better tell you the truth.
Diane: That'd be nice.
Sam: Diane, I work for the government.
Diane: What are you talking about?
Sam: I am on a top secret mission for my country.
Diane: You are an idiot.
Sam: No, no, that's just my cover.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Perhaps, Carla, your desperate observations accurately reflect the relationships between men and women in the demimonde you inhabit, but for those of us who no longer scrape our knuckles on the ground when we walk, your views are incredibly primitive.
Carla: [stammers] Says you!

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Diane: Norman.
Coach: Beer, Normie?
Norm: I don't know, Coach. I had one this week. Ah, what the heck. I'm young.

Quote from Coach

Coach: Damn tropical drinks.
Carla: Gee, Coach, it's too bad about the record.
Diane: Yeah, we were really pulling for you, Coach.
Coach: Yeah, and I came so close. Well, don't worry about it, everybody. I still got a personal record I'm very proud of.
Diane: What's that?
Coach: 11 consecutive days without starting a major fire.

Quote from Sam

Diane: What are you accusing me of?
Sam: I'm accusing you of accusing me of being a liar. I mean, all that crap about calling the newspaper. You just said that to get me crazy, huh? I mean, you and I both know you wouldn't make that call. Would you? Would you? [Diane walks past Sam] You did it! Oh, you called them! I can't believe it! Now you know there's no funeral. There's no Nathan Malone. God, what a stupid name.
Diane: Sam. Sam. I didn't call.
Sam: You didn't?
Diane: No.
Sam: Well, then, I look like an idiot.
Diane: No argument there.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Hey, hold on there, sport.
Mail Man: Yeah?
Cliff: As you can see, I'm wearing the colors myself here. And as most veteran postal carrier, I can only say I'm shocked and dismayed.
Mail Man: Sir?
Cliff: Department policy regarding uniform states, son, and I quote, "Uniform should be buttoned up to and including the second button from the collar of said shirt." You're letting us down, son.
Mail Man: I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean any harm.
Cliff: It's all right, son. I was green once, too. You'll make it.
Mail Man: Thank you, sir. I'll try to do better.
Cliff: Carry on.
Coach: Here's your beer, Cliff.
Mail Man: Cliff? Say, you're not, by any chance, Cliff Clavin?
Cliff: Sure am. You heard of me?
Mail Man: Your name is kind of a symbol around our branch office.
Cliff: Is that right?
Mail Man: Yeah, well, like, just the other day I messed up and my supervisor told me to get my head out of my Clavin.

Quote from Carla

Diane: Carla, I hope being held back isn't going to be too traumatic for Ann Marie.
Carla: Nah, she's been held back twice already. In her class picture, she looks like Snow White.

Quote from Coach

Cliff: Hey, Coach, if you serve that beer any slower, it's going to be vinegar before I get to it.
Coach: Oh, didn't I tell you, Cliff? I'm on the verge of setting a new monthly record for fewest glasses broken.
Cliff: Oh, that's great, Coach. How close are you?
Coach: Oh, I just have to make it to midnight without breaking seven glasses. [Coach drops a glass]
Cliff: Ooh. Oh, holy keote, Coach, there must be at least four inches of feathers down there.
Coach: Six inches, Cliffo. You can't be too careful when you're going for a record.
Cliff: Oh, Coach, I never thought I'd see the day when you're work with a net.
[Coach emerges from behind the bar with the bottom six inches of his body caked in feathers]
Coach: And you never will.

Quote from Coach

Coach: I like him. He's funny.
Cliff: Coach, the rest of us are laughing out of pity at the man's ugliness. He looks like one of those gnarled, grotesque creatures you might find in a cave 22 miles beneath the sea.
Coach: Come to think of it, he didn't say where he was from.

Quote from Carla

Diane: You know what I hate about working here?
Carla: I know what I hate about working here, but it couldn't be the same thing.

Quote from Coach

Diane: Sam says his Uncle Nathan in Vermont just died.
Coach: Yep, he sure did.
Diane: Do you believe that?
Coach: Well, of course, Diane. I mean, they wouldn't make funeral arrangements if the man wasn't dead. I think they've got a test for that.
Carla: Hey, Coach, why don't you tell Diane the truth? There is no Uncle Nathan.
Coach: Right. Sam's accepted it, so we all have to.

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