Cliff: Yeah, personally, I say good riddance.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Yeah, then the charms of the French have always been lost on me. I mean, when W.W. Three rolls around, they'd better not come to old Cliff Clavin to pull their fromage out of the fire, no, siree! I've got plans. Yeah, when those missiles start flying, I'll be in a fully stocked-up, juiced-up Winnebago, heading at 65 per, armed to the teeth, right to the border of Mexico. Yes, sir. Those cockroaches and Cliff Clavin are gonna do just fine, thank you.
Paul: What a wonderful civilization you'll build.
Cliff: Amen.

Frasier: This damned headache. I've had it all day. I can't seem to shake it.
Cliff: Oh, you know, those dilated veins there will just add to your discomfort there, Doc. On the other hand, there is a possibility that what you have is not a headache at all but rather an earwig that's crawled into your auditory canal while you were asleep and who is at this very moment, uh, chewing its way through your cerebral cortex.

Henri: I am being kicked out, just because I am not a citizen and I have no job and I have no prospect for a job and I have no wish for a job.
Norm: Wait a minute, they can kick you out of the country for that?
Sam: No, no, relax, you you were born here.
Norm: God bless America.
Cliff: Hey, amen.

Norm: What do those things feel like, anyway?
Frasier: You've never had a headache, Norm?
Norm: I don't think so. How how do you get one?
Frasier: Oh, it's a variety of reasons. Usually stress or tension.
Norm: Hmm?
Frasier: Job-related anxieties, day-to-day pressures.
Norm: Come again?
Frasier: It's like, um... when you eat ice cream too fast.
Norm: Oh, I hate that.

Tour Guide: If you look on your left, you'll see the historic public garden, which in colonial days was used as a public grazing area for privately owned livestock. On your right are some of the historic brownstones. Oh, my God, step on it, Harry!
Cliff: He doesn't know what he's talking about!
Tour Guide: It's that know-it-all mailman!
Cliff: You wanna know the real... I'll tell you the real story! The Clavins got here before the pilgrims!

Woody: Kelly, how can you do this? How can you marry Henri?
Kelly: Woody, it's just a little trick so he can stay in the country. It's nothing serious.
Henri: Exactly. We'll get married, go on our honeymoon, come back and get divorced.
Kelly: We're going on a honeymoon?! Oh, goody!
Henri: Oh, yes, we have to. The immigration people are very thorough. Sometimes they even bug the honeymoon suite to see if you are faking. Only you will not be faking.
Woody: Kelly, I'm telling you, I don't like this idea.
Kelly: Really?
Woody: No, not one bit.
Kelly: Sorry, Henri, but I guess I can't marry you because my boyfriend won't let me.

Henri: Very well. I... I understand. Woody loves you very, very much. So much that he is willing to snatch away my one chance to remain in my adopted homeland. [sings] Oh, beautiful [voice breaking] For spacious skies [talks] They really are spacious, you know!
Kelly: Look at him, Woody. Please let me marry him! Please, please, please!
Woody: Forget it. Kelly, I- I love you, and I don't want to see you with another man. I- I forbid you to marry Henri.
Kelly: Well, Mr. Woody Boyd, the mask has certainly come off. If you're so small-minded that my marrying another man makes you take a rude tone of voice... maybe you're not the man I want to marry right after I marry this man. Come on, Henri, we're leaving.

Justice of the Peace: And so, Kelly and Henri, by the authority vested in me by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I now pronounce you...
Sam: Whoa! All right, all right, all right, hey, whoa.
Kelly: Sam, what are you doing here?
Sam: I- I Well, I'm here, because there's a certain guy who loves you very much, honey, a lot more than Henri ever could, and someone I think that you have overlooked.
Kelly: Well, sure, Sam, there's always been a spark between you and me.

Justice of the Peace: Friends, we are gathered here today to join this man-
Woody: Would the bride and groom please turn around?! [Kelly and Henri turn around] All right, stop this wedding!
Kelly: Woody!
Woody: Kelly, you can't go through with this. I can't let you marry Henri.
Kelly: Woody, we've been through this a million times. It's just so Henri won't get deported. Oops!
Woody: You're wrong, Kelly. He's using you. He- He wrote that letter himself. He's not going to be deported. He- He's just trying to steal you away from me.
Henri: How did you figure that out?
Woody: You mean, I'm right?! Wow! Score one for the Indiana school system.

Woody: Yeah, well, Kelly likes him, too. He goes on every date with us.
Sam: Yeah, well, just as long as he's stopped making those jokes about stealing Kelly from you.
Woody: He has? Why didn't you tell me sooner, Sam?
Sam: No, no.
Woody: I hate those jokes.
Sam: No, Woody, I don't know that he has, I was just asking.
Woody: Oh. Hey, Sam, I hear you're getting a big refund from the IRS.
Sam: I am?
Woody: Two can play that little game, Sam.