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‘The Days of Wine and Neuroses’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: The Days of Wine and Neuroses

916. The Days of Wine and Neuroses

Aired January 24, 1991

Rebecca receives a surprising message from Robin, who is about to be paroled. Meanwhile, Cheers gets a karaoke machine.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: Look at this. A single white rose. I wonder what this means.
Carla: Well, if it means the same thing it does in my family, you'd better have Clavin start your car tonight.

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Quote from Lilith

Frasier: [sings] Hey, there Who? You, with the stars in your eyes Are you talking to me? Love never made a fool of you
Lilith: Frasier, it's been two days. I think it's time you stopped.
Frasier: [talks] In the middle of my salute to Adler and Ross? I think not. [sings] Hey, there You on that high-flying...
Lilith: It's a dangerous combination: a karaoke machine and an obsessive personality whose parents used to play Broadway cast albums to drown out their lovemaking.

Quote from Lilith

Sam: She hasn't been here for two whole days. Do you do you think I ought to go see her, Lilith?
Lilith: I'm going to tell you what I tell all my patients: "What do you think?"
Sam: They pay you for that?
Lilith: What do you think?

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: Hey, you guys. Look what it says here on my limerick-a-day calendar.
Carla: Oh, let me guess. "There was an old maid named Becks who went a long time without sex."
Rebecca: Carla, why does your humor always have to be at someone else's expense?
Carla: That's what makes me laugh.

Quote from Woody

Rebecca: It's from Robin. "Dear Rebecca, I'll be free on Monday. If you're free as well, would you care to join me in holy matrimony?" Oh, my God. This is a proposal! [gasps] In three days, I'm gonna be Mrs. Robin Colcord.
Norm: Yeah, that is a cause for a special celebration. Woody, I think I'll have a beer.
Woody: Well, congratulations, Ms. Howe. I mean, gosh, you know I may not be the most inarticulate guy in the world, but...
Cliff: Wait, wait, wait, don't you mean articulate?
Woody: Well, isn't it the same thing like flammable and inflammable? Boy, I learned that one the hard way.

Quote from Rebecca

Sam: Listen, listen, listen. If you don't love the guy, why don't you just back out of this?
Rebecca: Oh, I'm supposed to tell the richest man in the world that I don't want to marry him?
Sam: No, he's not rich anymore, remember?
Rebecca: That's right. What's his number?

Quote from Carla

Walter: Hey, if you want, I could loan you a karaoke machine.
Sam: What's a karaoke machine?
Cliff: Walter. May l? You see, a karaoke machine is a self-contained, uh, musical gizmo of Oriental origin, much like yourself. You know, it plays the, uh, well, the background accompaniment to popular songs so that shower crooners like myself can sing along.
Carla: Oh, Clavin, I didn't know you did that. I'm amazed.
Cliff: That I sing?
Carla: No, that you shower. By the way, your singing stinks, too.

Quote from Sam

Woody: Well, what are we gonna do without our jukebox?
Norm: The place won't be the same.
Paul: No jukebox? I feel naked.
Frasier: Excuse me. Why are you all mourning the temporary loss of this jukebox? I mean, you never play it.
Sam: No, no, no, Fras, the point is, it's the perfect height to lean on. Take a look at what it does to the line of my body there. Perfect pick-up pose, man.
Woman: Hi.
Sam: Oh, no, I'm sorry. I'm just demonstrating. I'll talk to you later.

Quote from Norm

Frasier: All right, Sam. But you never play it.
Norm: Frasier, I never play Vera either, but I'd miss her if a couple guys wheeled her out of here on a refrigerator dolly.

Quote from Cliff

Walter: Here we go, Sam. The karaoke machine and some song catalogs to go along with it.
Frasier: Oh, great. Just what we need. A loud, abrasive noise-making machine.
Norm: Fras, come on, don't pick on something that can't defend itself.
Cliff: Thank you, Norm.

Quote from Norm

Frasier: Well, perhaps I passed judgment too quickly here. This may have some merit in it. It's filled with old standards. It's got, uh, "Someone to Watch Over Me," "All of Me," "You Made Me Love You." [music plays]
Norm & Cliff: [sing] Lollipop, lollipop, oh, lolli-lolli-lolli Lollipop, lollipop, oh, lolli-lolli-lolli, lollipop [Cliff pops] Bah-dum-dum-dum Lollipop, lollipop Oh, lolli-lolli-lolli, lollipop
Cliff: Normie, Normie, how does, how does this song end?
Norm: I don't know. I think it just kind of keeps going till one of us drops.
Norm & Cliff: [sing] Bah-dum-dum-dum Lollipop, lollipop, oh, lolli-lolli-lolli, lollipop
Frasier: Oh, please! [music stops]
Norm & Cliff: [sing] Lolli-lolli-lolli
Frasier: This is the silliest, dopiest display we've ever witnessed. And if you want to make a pop, you do it like this. [pops]

Quote from Sam

Sam: Honey, I think this is great. There's something you ought to know before you get married.
Rebecca: What is that?
Sam: I have this strict policy about going to bed with married women. So this weekend is your absolute last chance to have me again.
Rebecca: I don't think so, Sam.
Sam: All right. All right. Stupid policy. Uh, how about the weekend after that?

Quote from Lilith

Rebecca: Lilith, I can't believe you did this. Nobody's ever thrown a party like this for me before.
Lilith: Turnabout is fair play. You gave me my bridal shower three years ago.
Rebecca: Oh, yeah, but Lilith, I just threw that together. I really didn't put any thought into it at all.
Lilith: That would explain the napkins that said, "Mazel tov, Si and Effie Kupperman."
Rebecca: I got a break on those when Si Kupperman skipped town with his secretary.
Lilith: How lucky for me.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Boy, these Mylar balloons are a public hazard.
Paul: What do you mean? [grimaces as he realizes he invited Cliff to talk]
Cliff: Well, Mylar is a form of metal, Paul, and if you release these things they get caught up in the high-tension wires; they cause an arc, sending a shower of sparks all over the place, and it hey, it could put out the lights of a whole city block.
Norm: All right.
[Norm, Cliff and Paul head for the door with their balloons]

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Gentlemen. If I may, I would like to propose a toast to the woman of the hour, the reason we're all gathered here at this wonderful party. To a very special lady, who, I must say, has a glow tonight like I've never seen before.
Rebecca: Thank you, Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, pipe down. I've gotta finish this toast to Lilith or she'll kill me. To Lilith.
Woody: I'd just like to say, it's a really beautiful day. And this is a really nice party and if I'm ever lucky enough to be married, I hope it's to someone just like you. To Lilith.
Lilith: This is more attention than I got at my own shower.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: [to Frasier] She didn't mention my name.
Rebecca: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I'd like to make another toast.
Lilith: She's going to bail herself out.
Rebecca: To Robin.
Norm: Robin.
Lilith: Strike two.
Rebecca: Wait, wait, wait, wait. One more. I feel like I'm leaving somebody out.
Lilith: Here we go.
Rebecca: To me, and to my happiness.
Lilith: Okay, Frasier. That's it. Get your coat.
Rebecca: And of course to Lilith.
Lilith: Oh, Rebecca, you didn't have to. Frasier, put your coat down. We're not going anywhere.

Quote from Cliff

Paul: Okay, everybody, uh, give me your attention. A couple of the guys have put together a song for the future Mrs. Colcord. Hit it.
Cliff & Norm: [high-pitched singing] Lollipop, lollipop Oh, lolli-lolli-lolli Lollipop, lollipop, oh, lolli-lolli-lolli Lollipop, lollipop Oh, lolli-lolli...
Frasier: Excuse me. Paul, shut that thing off. My wife is throwing a lovely shower here. The least you can do is show a little respect.
Cliff: [high-pitched] Aw, Fras, we're just giving a gift of music here.
Frasier: Some gift. And singing with those stupid voices an even stupider song. What's, what is that song even supposed to mean anyway?
Cliff: [normal voice] Well, it's, uh, it's about this girl and, uh...
Norm: [normal voice] Lollipop.

Quote from Norm

Frasier: All right, if you must sing, why don't you sing something a little more appropriate to the occasion? Now, look, here's here's a lovely song: "Isn't It Romantic?"
Norm: Yeah, it's kind of slow, isn't it?
Cliff: Yeah, you don't get to make any funny noises in it either.
Norm: Yeah, really. He calls that a classic.
Frasier: Well, of course it's a classic. It has a, a rare beauty. It's a... a haunting imagery, an enchanting melody.
Cliff: Oh, yeah.
Frasier: Excuse me, and it goes, Paul, something like this. [sings] Isn't it romantic? Music in the night A dream that can be heard Isn't it romantic Moving shadows paint the oldest magic word [Norm and Cliff singing high-pitched] I hear the breezes playing In the trees above...
Norm: [high-pitched] You're right, Fras. It is a lovely song when sung properly. [Frasier pops Norm's balloon] Killjoy.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: This is great "champlagne." Did you hear me? I said "champlagne." I meant to say "champlagne." [laughs] I said it again! [snickering]
Sam: I think maybe you've had enough.
Rebecca: No, no, no, no, I want to make a toast. Please? To "champlagne"! [laughs] No, no, no, I'm kidding. To my sweet baby, Robin. We may not have much, but we have each other.
Carla: Then you don't have much.
Rebecca: Hit me again, Sam.
Sam: Oh, no, I think you've definitely had enough.
Rebecca: Sam, I'm toasting!
Sam: You no- You're toasted plenty.
Rebecca: Sam, I'm not through toasting. I want to toast love and I want to toast commitment! And I want to make a toast to my whole [sobbing] stupid, stupid life!
Frasier: [sings] Isn't it romantic Merely to be young
Rebecca: Shut up and leave me alone!
Frasier: [talks] Hey, would you cut me some slack? I've had no formal training!

Quote from Carla

Sam: Oh, I don't I don't think she wants to talk to me. Why, why don't you go over and see how she's doing, Carla.
Carla: Yeah, great, I'll do that! And while I'm there, you can take my kids to go see Smurfs on Ice.
Sam: All right. I'll go see her.

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