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‘Veggie-Boyd’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Veggie-Boyd

911. Veggie-Boyd

Aired November 22, 1990

After Woody stars in a commercial for a health drink, he feels like a liar when he realizes he doesn't actually like the beverage. Meanwhile, Cliff is annoyed by the interest Sam's new trivia napkins receive.

Quote from Frasier

Sam: These are, uh, trivia napkins. Ever since I got the bar back, I've been looking for ways to say, "Hey, thank you for patronizing me."
Frasier: Oh, Sam, I- I know you wanted to use a great big word there. I think that's marvelous, but I believe what you meant to say was, "Thank you for your patronage."
Sam: Really? What's the difference?
Frasier: Patronage means customers. Patronizing is the way one would talk to a small, dull child.
Sam: Kind of like how you're talking to me right now?
Frasier: Aren't you cute!

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Quote from Cliff

Sam: Oh, Woody. Woody, shoot, I just forgot here. This came for you. Looks like something from the commercial company. Probably a paycheck.
Woody: Oh, I- I can't cash that. I can't even open it. That'd be like paying me for lying. My mother always told me that lying is the worst of the seven deadly sins.
Norm: Wait, wait, wait. Lying is one of the seven deadly sins?
Cliff: Yeah, of course it is. You got, uh lust, greed, bashful...
Norm: That's the seven deadly dwarfs.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: What can I do for you, Norm?
Norm: Open up those beer taps and take the day off, Sam.

Quote from Woody

Woody: I know it's just a small part in a commercial, but I don't know if I have the skill or the technique to pull it off.
Norm: Well, what do you play, Wood?
Woody: A bartender.
Sam: [laughs] Woody, you are a bartender.
Woody: Yeah, well, but in this commercial, I have to serve drinks.
Sam: Wood, you serve drinks all the time.
Woody: Yeah, but in this commercial, I have to talk and serve drinks.
Sam: You talk and serve drinks right here every day.
Woody: Oh, great, Sam! Now you've made me nervous about working here, too.

Quote from Woody

Woody: I was kind of surprised when I got the part. Said they wanted someone with a fresh face. I don't know why they chose me.
Sam: Oh, hey, you're perfect.
Woody: Yeah. Maybe when I just hopped off the bus from Hanover, but I've been in Boston for five years. It changes a guy. Hardens him, gives him a cynical edge.
Sam: Come on, you're still fresh.
Woody: Jeepers, you think?

Quote from Cliff

Frasier: Well, this is the most boring napkin we've come across.
Norm: What's the question?
Frasier: Well, who can tell? It looks as though it was homemade. It looks like some moron typed it on some old manual typewriter.
Cliff: How odd. Read the question.
Frasier: This is not a napkin. It's a cry for help.
Cliff: All right. So I forged a napkin! Can you blame me? I've been sitting here for the better part of the '80s, trying to enliven the discussion and broaden a few horizons with the benefit of my special brand of my arcane knowledge, and then these stupid napkins come waltzing in. And then I'm out. Well I've had it. It's time to make a choice, fellas. Me or the napkins? [silence] Or both. Maybe we can alternate.
Norm: We can do that.
Cliff: Yeah, a round of drinks for my friends here!
Norm: All right. Yeah. I'd like to see a napkin do that, huh?

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: Woody. Woody, you know, Sigmund Freud might suggest that your aversion to vegetables stems from some early childhood trauma.
Lilith: [sputters]
Frasier: You sputtered, my darling?
Lilith: Honestly, Frasier, you must be the last psychiatrist on Earth who hasn't abandoned Sigmund Freud's theories.
Frasier: What are you saying?
Lilith: Merely that his theories are outdated, sexist superstitions unsupported by a shred of clinical evidence.
Frasier: You're drunk. My wife is completely smashed, blotto. Sam, no more boilermakers for Dr. Sternin-Crane.
Lilith: Frasier, I've had nothing to drink.
Frasier: Ah, the worst kind of drunk.

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: For your information, Sigmund Freud has a lot to teach us about Woody's problem. I daresay that if the Master were with us today, he would, after striking Lilith, tell us that Woody is suffering from a subconscious barrier, easily removed by some elemental Freudian analysis.
Woody: Well, isn't there anything faster?
Frasier: Oh, many things, but nothing quite as lucrative. But if you wish instant relief, I suppose we could try a little, uh, well, posthypnotic suggestion.
Lilith: [sputters]
Frasier: Another wet objection, my love?
Lilith: Hypnosis, Frasier? Why only go back a century for your treatment? Why not bleed him with leeches? Or drill a hole in his cranium and let the evil spirits leak out?
Frasier: Ignore her, Woody. It's the gin talking.
Lilith: Or maybe the reason he doesn't like vegetables is because they remind him of his mother. Ooh!

Quote from Cliff

Norm: Okay, all right, here's one. [clears throat] "What is the oldest state capital in the country?"
Cliff: Crying out loud, Norm. I told you that weeks ago!
Norm: Shh. Just don't- Don't wreck it for the rest of us, then, okay?
Sam: Providence, Rhode Island?
Frasier: Boston?
Norm: No. Santa Fe, New Mexico.
Sam: Hey!
Frasier: Wow. Isn't that fascinating?
Norm: Yeah.
Sam: Oh, yeah.
Cliff: Good old Santa Fe! Ancient capital of the Conquistadors, founded 1609.

Quote from Cliff

Frasier: Hey, here's one. "What civilization was the first known to brew beer?"
Tony: Early Greece.
Sam: Ancient Rome.
Norm: Old Milwaukee.
Frasier: [chuckles] Ancient Egypt.
Sam: Get out! Hey, that's something.
Norm: I never knew that trivia could be so fascinating.
Cliff: Oh, hold the phone here! I gave you that fact months ago. You said you weren't interested then.
Norm: Well, you know, Cliffie, it's different with the napkins.
Cliff: What's so different?
Norm: Well, napkins don't spit when they talk.

Quote from Norm

Frasier: Woody, you only feel that you're a liar because you endorsed a product you don't like. But what if you could actually learn to like it?
Woody: How am I gonna learn to like broccoli, cauliflower and kale?
Norm: Well, Wood, some things you have to sort of develop a taste for slowly, you know? All right, look, uh, give me a beer, okay? Now, we'll put a stalk of broccoli in that beer, okay? Now you drink the beer and the beer taste is gonna kill the taste of the broccoli, but slowly you'll get used to it, okay? Go ahead.
Woody: We don't have any broccoli.
Norm: Well, thanks for the beer.

Quote from Woody

Rebecca: I think it means they're not going to make Veggie-Boy anymore. I guess nobody liked it.
Woody: How could they not like it? It's broccoli, cauliflower and kale! Has America gone mad?
Norm: Wood, um, it's not that great, okay?
Woody: Shut up, Mr. Peterson. Don't talk bad about Veggie-Boy!
Lilith: Nice work, Dr. Frankenstein.
Woody: They're stopped making it, how am I gonna get it? I need my Veggie-Boy. This is all there is? This isn't even gonna last me through the night!
Frasier: Woody, let's go back in the office.
Woody: I know, I know. I can take this to a lab and have it analyzed. I can make my own. You know, I've got a blender.
Sam: Woody.
Woody: I'll move back to Indiana. I'll grow kale!
Frasier: Woody, watch the watch.
Woody: Get that watch out of my face, old man. I've got crops to plant!

Quote from Woody

Norm: Hey, Woodster! How was that first night in your new apartment?
Woody: It's great, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: Yeah?
Woody: It's the nicest place I've ever stayed at. And that includes the night in Hanover I got locked in the storeroom in the Piggly Wiggly. It was cold and lonely, but the food! Anyway, it's no Piggly Wiggly, but it's got cable.
Norm: All right.
Tony: Is it furnished?
Woody: Well, no, but it's got this cable that comes right out of the wall, fits right into the TV.
Norm: I hope it's in a safer neighborhood than that last dive of yours.
Woody: Well, no, actually, it's a little worse, but it's got cable.
Cliff: Well, if it's unfurnished, you must be getting a break in the rent, huh?
Woody: Well, no, it's actually a little more, but you got to expect that with cable.
Sam: Well, whatever. I think cable's great. They had Robocop on last night. Did you catch that?
Woody: No. The cable was out last night.

Quote from Carla

Rebecca: Oh, relax. Woody, you poor thing! You have to stop worrying. You're gonna do just fine! You're going to do a great job. Don't you think, Carla?
Carla: I think he's gonna bomb.
Norm: At what?
Carla: Beats me, but I think I'm on pretty safe ground.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Woody, perhaps it would help you to to rehearse your lines with us.
Cliff: Yeah.
Woody: I only have one. [Sam chuckles] "I like it."
Frasier: That's a very nice line, Woody.
Sam: Patronizing, right?
Frasier: Now you're getting it.

Quote from Woody

Norm: Hey, Wood, can I go? Come on. I never saw a commercial be shot or anything like that.
Cliff: Yeah! Yeah, me, neither. You know, believe it or not, it's one of the few things I don't know much about.
Woody: I mean, if you guys all come down there with me, it's gonna look like I'm some big snobby star with an entourage.
Norm: All right. Well, uh, heck with it. We'll just stay here. You tell us about it later.
Woody: No, I like the idea. You guys can be my people, all right?
Cliff: Hey, hey.
Norm: Yeah.
Woody: I got another idea. We'll all stop at the mall. We'll pick up satin jackets and matching sunglasses.
Norm: There you go. Come on.
Woody: That door's not just gonna open itself.

Quote from Cliff

Norm: Yeah, I got one of these, uh, trivia napkins.
Sam: Hey! My trivia napkins!
Norm: Yeah, yeah. I've been carrying it around. It's kind of a conversation starter, you know? Go ahead, ask me the question, Sammy.
Sam: All right, all right.
Cliff: You guys and your precious trivia napkins! If you love them so much, why don't you marry them?! [rips it up]
Sam: Oh, come on, man! Lighten up, will you?
Cliff: Oh! And by the way, Normie, I'm the one who sucked all the filling out of the Bavarian creme! [sucks another pastry]

Quote from Norm

Woody: Guys, I'm ready. How do I look?
Norm: All right. You look great. You got you got, like, junk all over your face, man.
Woody: Oh, pancake.
Norm: Whoa. Is there a steam table around here I'm missing?
Woody: No, no, no. Pancake is the makeup they use in show business. It's real thick and real heavy, and it covers every flaw.
Norm: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Vera uses that for primer.

Quote from Norm

Woody: Oh, hey. So this is Veggie-Boy! Should I taste it first?
Man: No, no, don't drink that. We sprayed it with high-gloss latex so it'll look better under the lights. We do it with all the food we're shooting. Hey, there's supposed to be a bowl of beer nuts around here.
Norm: Sammy, you got to get these kind of nuts for the bar. They slide right down. It's great.

Quote from Carla

Carla: Woody, when is the commercial gonna be on? I've seen this Quincy five times.
Woody: It's coming right up, Carla, next break.
Carla: Some coroner. Every week, he has to dig up the body to find something he missed the first time. [Norm scoffs] Oh! What a surprise! He found a bullet in the skull!

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