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Ma's Little Maggie

‘Ma's Little Maggie’

Season 10, Episode 5 -  Aired October 17, 1991

When Margaret O'Keefe returns to Boston and hopes to rekindle her relationship with Cliff, he is worried about breaking the news to his mother.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Doc, you gotta help me. I mean, it's all happening so fast. One minute, I- I'm leading my life. And the next minute, before you know it, I'm standing in a line down at the marriage bureau with a bunch of other people waiting for a license. I looked into their eyes. You know what I saw? The smell of death.
Frasier: Aren't you exaggerating just a bit?
Cliff: Oh, no. Fras, when I was a teenager, I used to work at a slaughterhouse. And I watched them when they brought them in, and I watched them when they took them out. But I've never seen nothing like that.

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Quote from Esther Clavin

Esther Clavin: So, you see, the entire region might more accurately be described as "The Bermuda Rhombus".
Cliff: Well, thanks, Ma.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Esther Clavin: Oh I understand, Clifford. If this is the woman you've chosen to take my place I guess the only thing for me to do is die.
Cliff: Ma, what are you doing?
Esther Clavin: I'm dying.
Cliff: You're not dying. Will you stop it? Come on.
Esther Clavin: No need to take me to the graveyard, Clifford. Just set me next to your tubby friend there. And when I start to bloat, just toss me in the Dumpster.
Norm: Thanks for bringing your ma by.
Esther Clavin: It's the way I want to go, alone in a bar without my son. Anyone who is blood-type O is welcome to my organs. I don't recommend the heart. It's been broken. What's that, Grandma? Come toward the light?

Quote from Esther Clavin

Cliff: Ma, you know, this is all happening so fast. I mean, here I am going to marry Margaret, I don't even remember proposing.
Esther Clavin: No. If we waited for you to propose, I'd never be a grandmother.
Cliff: What are you talking about?
Esther Clavin: Oh, dear. I was afraid of this. I think we'd better have a little talk. Woody! Two whiskeys, and leave the bottle.
Esther Clavin: Now, I don't want you to think that I'm looking forward to this but with your father out of the picture [breathes deeply], it's one of those crosses I'm going to have to bear, along with many others. Now, when a man and woman love each other very much, they share a very special kind of hug. [drinks] Ooh... ah!
Cliff: Ma, look, you don't have to tell me all this stuff. I already know.
Esther Clavin: All right, who's the dirty mouth who's been telling my son these things?
Norm: [raises his hand] Only, um... Only I used a different word for "hug."
Esther Clavin: Here's a pamphlet to fill in the many gaps left by lover-boy over there. Read it. Read it before your wedding night.
Cliff: "Howard's New Feelings".

Quote from Cliff

Norm: So, Cliff, how'd it go upstairs?
Cliff: Oh, great. They got along like, uh, two long-lost friends. All through lunch, it was just yak, yak, yak, yak.
Paul: Couple of real chatterboxes, huh?
Cliff: Uh, no. Ma just knows a lot of trivia about yaks.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Yeah, well, the only real hurdle left is Ma.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Oh, yeah, yeah. It's very traumatic when the woman you love more than anything else in the world meets your significant other.
Norm: Which would be which, Cliff?
Cliff: Well, now you see my problem.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Margaret: Command of trivia is one of the things that attracted me to Cliff. Uh, that and his manners.
Esther Clavin: Good heavens. His what?
Margaret: His manners.
Esther Clavin: Oh, my dear, I thought you said his manhood.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Sam: So, uh, what'd your ma say when you told her?
Cliff: Well, I'm gonna break it to her this afternoon. See, I came up with this great idea. I'm gonna tell her in a public place where I'm surrounded by my friends, you see? Then she'll have to control herself and she won't embarrass me.
Esther Clavin: [enters] Clifford, for the hundredth time, if you want to use my shower cap in the morning, will you put it back where you found it? Perhaps as a reminder, you'd like to wear it for the rest of the day?
Frasier: You know, suddenly I see Cliff as heroically well-adjusted.

Quote from Esther Clavin

Esther Clavin: Oh, I haven't looked at these in ages.
Margaret: Is that Cliff?
Esther Clavin: Oh, my, no. That's Clifford's father. You see where Clifford got his wide bottom.
Margaret: Mm. I've always wondered.
Esther Clavin: When Clifford was a baby, we'd set him down and gently push him over. And wouldn't you know, he'd pop right back up just like, just like one of those inflatable clowns!

Quote from Carla

Esther Clavin: Don't say no. I want to buy you a mobile home. Now, I can't afford the deluxe model with the front porch, so...
Margaret: Oh, well, that's okay. We'll make it home. I'm awfully handy. I I can make a nice gravel garden, and we can buy one of those concrete gnomes.
Carla: You're already getting one.

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