Norm: [enters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Woody: Oh, hey, Mr. Peterson, that's quite a haircut.
Norm: Yeah, well, they're only halfway done, Woody. I got a little thirsty. You know what I mean? Give me a beer.

Cliff: Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, Normie, I'm gonna miss that car. Here, take a look at that.
Norm: Wow. That's you next to Sammy's 'Vette.
Cliff: Yeah. Truth be told, l, uh I tell the ladies it's mine.
Norm: Yeah. Wait. That's not even your body. It's Sammy's body with your head superimposed.
Cliff: Yeah, you'd be surprised what Ma can do in a darkroom. Yeah. Yeah, we got one of, uh, me at the Yalta conference. Yeah. You- You should see the look that Churchill's giving me.

Woody: Mr. Peterson.
Norm: Yeah?
Woody: It's your barber on the phone, and he says it's been two days. He wants to know when you're coming back. What should I tell him?
Norm: Tell him what I tell Vera.
Woody: [on the phone] Uh, he'll be home after one more.

Mark Newberger: Oh, look at you. You're getting goose bumps. Come on, let's cuddle up on the couch with a blanket, huh?
Rebecca: [sighs] So we both like men?
Mark Newberger: Yep.
Rebecca: Are we stupid or what? They're so insincere and they're inconsiderate, rude.
Mark Newberger: They lie, they cheat on you.
Both: Men.
Mark Newberger: You know, things really would have been a lot easier if I was attracted to women.
Rebecca: Me, too.

Woody: Hey, Kelly, how's it going back there?
Kelly: Oh, fine. I just came out to get myself a soda and some suds for the Philster.
Lilith: Kelly, why are you doing this?
Kelly: I want Woody's friends to like me.
Lilith: Did you buy them a round?
Kelly: Yes.
Lilith: You'll never get rid of them.

Rebecca: Here I am.
Mark Newberger: Be still, my heart.
Rebecca: Do you like what you see, Mark?
Mark Newberger: It's gorgeous. Get over here. Give us a feel.
Rebecca: Okay.
Mark Newberger: Fabulous. Give it. Is it silk? Rayon? I don't believe it! So what do you do, you put it in a delicate cycle, let it spin? We have to talk.
Rebecca: Mark, stop joking. You know perfectly well that the point of this nightie is not laundry instructions. The point of this nightie is to...
Mark Newberger: To what?
Rebecca: You know a man and a woman...
Mark Newberger: Where?
Rebecca: Oh, Mark.
Mark Newberger: Rebecca, you know I'm gay, don't you?
Rebecca: Why, of course, I do! Why do you think I feel so comfortable wearing this in front of you? I mean, this is my housecoat! I know it's sexy, but I paint in it.

Carla: Woody. I hear that you and Kelly are having a hard time getting a wedding ring.
Woody: That's right, Carla. They're pretty expensive, you know.
Carla: Yeah. That's what I thought. And you know, I'm not gonna be able to afford to get you kids the kind of present you really deserve, so, on the way over here I stopped by my bank, and, uh, I took this out of my safety deposit box.
Woody: Oh, Carla, that's a beaut!
Carla: Yeah, I know. It's solid silver. It's been in my family for years. My great uncle Amerigo gave it to my great aunt Sophia, and then I was gonna give it to my youngest girl, but she inherited the Tortelli knuckles.
Woody: Oh, Carla, I could never take it.
Carla: Oh, Woody, I- I want you to have it.
Woody: Well, at least let me give you something for it. I have $500 in my budget.
Carla: Well, if it makes you feel better.
Woody: Well, you know, the thing is, uh, Kelly really prefers gold.
Carla: Oh. Well, I got it in gold, too.
Woody: Perfect.
Carla: Hey, does she need any earrings?

Kelly: Hi, Woody.
Woody: Oh, hey, Kelly. What are you doing here?
Kelly: I wanted to spend the afternoon with Mr. Peterson and Mr. Clavin.
Woody: Boy, you've been spending a lot of time with them lately. What's up?
Kelly: I thought it would be a good idea for me to get to know your friends.
Woody: Why?
Kelly: Because when we get married, and you turn to me and say, "Kelly, I'm gonna spend a night on the town," and I burst into tears and ask you to spend just one night at home, and you say, "I'm gonna be with my friends," well, I want to know who those friends are.
Lilith: Boy, could I sing a couple bars of that.

Police Officer: Anybody in here know this guy?
Frasier: Sam! My God, what's the matter?
Police Officer: We found him out in the middle of the street staring at an empty parking space, muttering to himself, shouting at people.
Sam: My corvette! They stole my 'Vette! Frasier, have you seen my 'Vette?
Frasier: Oh, Sam, I'm afraid not.
Police Officer: Well, Sam, stop by the station house sometime and fill out a report.
Sam: Then you'll give me my 'Vette back!
Police Officer: Whatever you say. [exits]
Sam: Oh, God. I left it outside! What was I thinking? I should have stayed with it!

Sam: [wails] Oh. Oh. Oh!
Norm: I suppose one of us ought to go over and cheer Sammy up.
Cliff: Uh, yeah, yeah. Well, I'll do it. l, uh I got a flair for this kind of thing. You just, uh, stay there and drink your beer.
Norm: Okay. We all have to play to our strengths, I guess.