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‘Norm, Is That You?’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: Norm, Is That You?

706. Norm, Is That You?

Aired December 8, 1988

After Norm helps decorate Frasier and Lilith's apartment, he adopts a new personality to win over their yuppy friends.

Quote from Woody

Cliff: So, uh, what do you got in there, Woodski?
Woody: Oh, boy. My Aunt Edna's killer fudge brownies.
Cliff: Ooh, killers, huh?
Woody: Yeah, they're called that because the first time my Uncle Ford ever smelled them baking, he came running in from the field and got hit by a combine. He hung on for a few days. At the end, he was just praying to die. Well, eat up, everybody.

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Quote from Norm

Kim: Norman, I pride myself on being a very perceptive person. Now, is something amiss?
Norm: [nods] Yeah. Sam and I have had a tiff.
Robert: Look. Maybe meeting Michael is just the thing you need. I mean, he lives right around the corner. Kim, go call him.
Norm: No. No, no, no, no, no, folks, please. I can't go on with this any longer. Look, I don't care if it costs me the job. I got to tell you the truth, okay? I wanted to be your decorator, so I pretended to be who I thought you wanted me to be, but it's time that I came out of the closet. I'm straight.
Robert: Impossible. [Kim laughs]
Norm: No, no, I- I... Ever since I was a little boy, I've known that I preferred girls. Actually, I'm a guy with a wife. I mean, uh, I sleep with Vera. Well, you know, I sleep next to her. Actually, it's in the room next to her, but, uh, I do keep the door open. [sighs] But the point is, you know, I think you should judge people for what they do, not for who they do.

Quote from Norm

Woody: Want another beer, Mr. P.?
Norm: Love to, Woody, but I got to get back to painting Frasier and Lilith's place. This is the first job anyone's given me in, like, four months, so I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize it. I'm really making an effort this time to be the kind of dependable professional that I'd like to have working for me. [exits]
Woody: See you, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: [returns] What, Wood?
Woody: I said, I'll see you.
Norm: Well, damn it, Woody. Now you made me late, man. All right, as long as I'm late, I'll just have another beer, I guess.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: You know, Rebecca, I don't know why you're so, uh, concerned about your figure. You know, back in the Renaissance time, uh, full-figured women were revered.
Norm: Get out.
Cliff: It's true.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. Artists would only paint big, voluptuous women. In fact, that's how they got rid of a lot of their old paint.

Quote from Carla

Carla: You know, speaking of, uh, weight and stuff, I got a riddle. Which is heavier, a pound of Cliff's brain or a pound of dead flies?
Woody: It's a trick question. A pound is a pound. They both weigh the same. Go ahead, ask me another of Mr. Clavin's brain questions.
Carla: Okay, let's see. Uh... [clears throat] if you dropped Cliff's brain and a bowling ball off the top of the Empire State Building...
Woody: Yeah? Yeah?

Quote from Norm

Lilith: Norm, we had to rush over to tell you.
Frasier: The new window treatment you designed just went up. It is spectacular.
Norm: Are you speaking to another Norm, or do you have a death wish?
Frasier: Beg your pardon?
Norm: Come on, come on. You think I want these people to know I'm an interior decorator?
Lilith: We're sorry, Norm. It's just, we simply cannot moderate our approbation.
Norm: Well, give it a shot, okay?
Lilith: But you should be decorating professionally.
Norm: Oh, no, no, no. Please. Doing you folks a favor was one thing. Any more of this interior decorating junk could really eat into my reputation as a lazy, beer-guzzling lump of mashed potatoes.
Frasier: But, Norm, you have a gift.
Norm: Gift? Try curse, pal. I spent my whole damn life trying to cover up the fact that I have a great sense of color, and I always know where to stick the ottoman.

Quote from Frasier

Norm: Yeah! Damn, I am good. Bring these people on. I'll wipe up the floor with them. Who are they, anyhow?
Frasier: Well, actually, they're friends of friends.
Norm: Yeah?
Lilith: But I have to warn you, they're the essence of the Y word.
Frasier: That's the yuppie word for yuppie.
Norm: Oh.
Lilith: Are you implying that I'm a yuppie?
Frasier: Oh, forgive me, I erred. And if I ever do it again, you may cut out my tongue and serve it to me in a fajita.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Okay, okay, look. Cliff's brain is found murdered in a room. All the doors and windows are locked.

Quote from Norm

Norm: What's going on? I'm dying over here.
Frasier: Well, it's not you, Norm, it's them.
Norm: Yeah?
Frasier: They're narrow-minded, trend-sucking dilettantes, who insist that well, their chefs be French, you know, that their mechanics be German, and that their designers be... stylish.
Norm: Ooh. You mean, stylish.
Frasier: Very stylish.
Norm: 'Nough said, Fras.
Frasier: I'm sorry, Norm. This could have been a real lucrative job for you. I don't know what to say.
Norm: That's okay, I do. Um... [sighs] Listen, uh, did I tell you that, uh, last night, I programmed myself to dream about your space?

Quote from Norm

Kim: You're absolutely right, Norman. I can't believe we've been the perpetrators of this kind of discrimination.
Robert: We'll see you, Norman.
Norm: No, well, listen... Hey, folks, I could still, you know, decorate your mountain retreat there.
Robert: Kim and I happen to be people of principle, all right? And we put our trust in you, our faith. We trusted you with our most prized possession, our home. And how did you return that trust? You lied to us, you betrayed us. You made fools of us.
Norm: I could do it for half price.
Robert: Here's the key. There's Perrier in the fridge. If the neighbors ask, you're a plumber.
Norm: Gotcha, can do, can do. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Quote from Carla

Carla: [on the phone] I don't know, Eddie. Try- Try under the bed. Well, if they're not there, look in the back of the closet, or behind the dresser, or in the washing machine. Yeah, if- If you still can't find them, call me back. [hangs up] I swear to God, that man would lose his head if it weren't bolted on.
Cliff: What's, uh what's up there, Carla?
Carla: Eddie wants to take the twins for a walk.
Cliff: Uh, can't find his shoes, huh?
Carla: No, he can't find the twins.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Oh, much better. Yes, much better, yes. You know, I never thought our wedding portrait lived there. Um, where should it go, Ivan?
Ivan: Here's a spot. [drops the painting in the trash can]
Lilith: Perfect. Why clutter a home with mementos?
Ivan: Did I tell you last night I programmed myself to dream about your space?
Lilith: You didn't. We're thrilled.
Ivan: Hmm. To begin with, we lose this wall.
Frasier: Uh, by lose, do you mean we redesign it so that it practically disappears, or lose, we knock it down so that we're left facing the back of our stove?
Ivan: Hmm. Fret not. We'll be transforming il cucina into an atrium.
Lilith: I love this idea. I adore it. But what about eating?
Ivan: I design, I don't eat. Now, over here I imagine removing the ceiling and extending the wall up to the second story, culminating in a skylight to flood the room with natural illumination.
Frasier: But, uh that's our that's our bedroom up there.
Ivan: Is that all you people think about, eating and sleeping?

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: Doctor, might I have a word with you?
Frasier: Certainly, Doctor.
Lilith: How do you feel about Ivan?
Frasier: Feel? Look, the man is one of the most famous designers in the city. He's been written up in every magazine from Metropolitan Home to HG. He's got more awards on his shelves than we have shelves. I'd like to beat the crap out of him.
Lilith: Maybe we should let him go.
Frasier: If that's your final decision, my cherub, I concur.
Lilith: The heave-ho.
Frasier: Wait. At the risk of sounding sexist, I do believe this is man's work. It requires a firm hand. Please feel free to leave the room if you must. This could get unpleasant. [to Ivan] Sir. You're too good for us. Your masterful design would make our poor little lives just seem drab by comparison, and of course, we'll, uh, see to your severance pay, two weeks? [off Ivan's look] Six months?
Ivan: Fine.
Frasier: I can't tell you what a once-in-a-lifetime thrill it's been to bask in your talent. Uh, bye-bye now. Watch the steps. [Ivan exits] Huh.
Lilith: I only hope he can recover from that tongue lashing.

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: So, dandelion, now that you've given away the farm to Ivan, do you have some Swiss bank account we can empty to pay another decorator?
Frasier: Well, I'll go that one better, Dove bar. I submit that between the two of us, we have enough taste and intelligence to redesign our own habitat, sans outside help.
Lilith: Bite me, I love you.
[After Frasier playfully bites Lilith's neck, the pair of them walk around the room searching for inspiration]
Frasier: I take back my bite. We suck.

Quote from Norm

Lilith: Much better. Much better!
Norm: Pardon me?
Lilith: Yes, by simply moving that chair, an intimate conversation area is created, at the same time, opening up a new traffic pattern that gives the entire room a whole new dynamic sense of flow.
Norm: Plus, I can spackle behind here. Of course, if if you really want a better shot at the intimate thing, I'd, uh, take these, uh... What do you call it, these Louis Couture's jobbies, uh, and move them over like so. Get the table over this way. Okay. Now, this table would have to come like yea. Right? And, uh, sofa could come around this way. Of course. Okay? Now, uh, that desk has got to come out of there, you put the piano into the bay, all right? That chrome and glass, you put into the harbor. Uh, I tell you what. I'd- l'd move into the warm tones, all right? Reupholster, re-drape, the whole damn thing. Splash a little bit of paisley around. Throw down a nice Bukhara rug. Top it off with a fine piece or two of chinoiserie, and we're there.
Frasier: Well, bite us, Norm, we love you.

Quote from Norm

Frasier: Oh, it's a pity. You see, we've just met this new couple, and they- They need a decorator.
Lilith: Dearest, Norm has made his feelings clear.
Frasier: Yes, but they're very well off.
Lilith: Frasier, it's not a matter of money.
Frasier: They're willing to pay five figures.
Lilith: But, Frasier-
Norm: Hey, Elvira, back off.

Quote from Carla

Carla: If the left side of Cliff's brain leaves New York on a train traveling at 65 miles per hour, and the right side of Cliff's brain leaves L.A. on...
Woody: Wait, wait, wait. Let me get a pencil.

Quote from Norm

Norm: Oh, hi, what's going on? Hi.
Lilith: Kim and Robert Cooperman, I'd like you to meet our decorator, Norman Peterson.
Norm: Hi.
Kim: How do you do, Norman?
Norm: Great. You know, this is the last cold beer. We could split it or something?
Robert: No, thanks, we're taken care of.
Norm: Okay, well, suit yourself, huh?

Quote from Norm

Lilith: Sit down everybody. It's beautiful and functional.
Norm: You know, uh, Frasier told me a little bit about your place, so I did take the liberty of, uh, jotting down a few ideas.
Robert: Uh... Excuse me. Are those cocktail napkins?
Norm: Yeah, I'm sorry, did you need one?
Robert: No.
Lilith: Veggie pate?
Norm: Oh, yes, yes, please. I'm on empty over here. [stuffs his face] Anyway I heard your place is pretty modern, you know? And most of your stuff is kind of gray. So I thought, maybe, you know, some, you know, color would be good.
Kim: Uh, actually, we hadn't totally sold ourselves on the concept of change.
Norm: Oh. You could keep, uh, some of your old stuff, and, you know, throw in some new stuff, too. Um... Fras, uh, could you, uh, help me with this wall treatment?
Lilith: Sushi? I rolled it myself.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Miss Howe, I don't mean to insult you, but you're looking kind of puny. Have you lost weight?
Rebecca: Is this a setup? Did Sam tell you to say that?
Woody: No, ma'am, I told myself to say it. Yeah, I'm worried about you, you know? If you're not careful, you're going to start wasting away, and pretty soon your ribs will start to show, like this guy back in Hanover, Kyle Lefferts. Of course, he'd been dead awhile when they found him.
Rebecca: Thank you, Woody. That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all week. [kisses Woody on the cheek]
Woody: Your hair's been looking kind of ratty, too.
Rebecca: Unfortunately, that's the second nicest thing.
Woody: What, no kiss?

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