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Norm, Is That You?

‘Norm, Is That You?’

Season 7, Episode 6 -  Aired December 8, 1988

After Norm helps decorate Frasier and Lilith's apartment, he adopts a new personality to win over their yuppy friends.

Quote from Woody

Cliff: So, uh, what do you got in there, Woodski?
Woody: Oh, boy. My Aunt Edna's killer fudge brownies.
Cliff: Ooh, killers, huh?
Woody: Yeah, they're called that because the first time my Uncle Ford ever smelled them baking, he came running in from the field and got hit by a combine. He hung on for a few days. At the end, he was just praying to die. Well, eat up, everybody.

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Quote from Norm

Kim: Norman, I pride myself on being a very perceptive person. Now, is something amiss?
Norm: [nods] Yeah. Sam and I have had a tiff.
Robert: Look. Maybe meeting Michael is just the thing you need. I mean, he lives right around the corner. Kim, go call him.
Norm: No. No, no, no, no, no, folks, please. I can't go on with this any longer. Look, I don't care if it costs me the job. I got to tell you the truth, okay? I wanted to be your decorator, so I pretended to be who I thought you wanted me to be, but it's time that I came out of the closet. I'm straight.
Robert: Impossible. [Kim laughs]
Norm: No, no, I- I... Ever since I was a little boy, I've known that I preferred girls. Actually, I'm a guy with a wife. I mean, uh, I sleep with Vera. Well, you know, I sleep next to her. Actually, it's in the room next to her, but, uh, I do keep the door open. [sighs] But the point is, you know, I think you should judge people for what they do, not for who they do.

Quote from Norm

Woody: Want another beer, Mr. P.?
Norm: Love to, Woody, but I got to get back to painting Frasier and Lilith's place. This is the first job anyone's given me in, like, four months, so I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize it. I'm really making an effort this time to be the kind of dependable professional that I'd like to have working for me. [exits]
Woody: See you, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: [returns] What, Wood?
Woody: I said, I'll see you.
Norm: Well, damn it, Woody. Now you made me late, man. All right, as long as I'm late, I'll just have another beer, I guess.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: You know, Rebecca, I don't know why you're so, uh, concerned about your figure. You know, back in the Renaissance time, uh, full-figured women were revered.
Norm: Get out.
Cliff: It's true.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. Artists would only paint big, voluptuous women. In fact, that's how they got rid of a lot of their old paint.

Quote from Carla

Carla: You know, speaking of, uh, weight and stuff, I got a riddle. Which is heavier, a pound of Cliff's brain or a pound of dead flies?
Woody: It's a trick question. A pound is a pound. They both weigh the same. Go ahead, ask me another of Mr. Clavin's brain questions.
Carla: Okay, let's see. Uh... [clears throat] if you dropped Cliff's brain and a bowling ball off the top of the Empire State Building...
Woody: Yeah? Yeah?

Quote from Norm

Lilith: Norm, we had to rush over to tell you.
Frasier: The new window treatment you designed just went up. It is spectacular.
Norm: Are you speaking to another Norm, or do you have a death wish?
Frasier: Beg your pardon?
Norm: Come on, come on. You think I want these people to know I'm an interior decorator?
Lilith: We're sorry, Norm. It's just, we simply cannot moderate our approbation.
Norm: Well, give it a shot, okay?
Lilith: But you should be decorating professionally.
Norm: Oh, no, no, no. Please. Doing you folks a favor was one thing. Any more of this interior decorating junk could really eat into my reputation as a lazy, beer-guzzling lump of mashed potatoes.
Frasier: But, Norm, you have a gift.
Norm: Gift? Try curse, pal. I spent my whole damn life trying to cover up the fact that I have a great sense of color, and I always know where to stick the ottoman.

Quote from Frasier

Norm: Yeah! Damn, I am good. Bring these people on. I'll wipe up the floor with them. Who are they, anyhow?
Frasier: Well, actually, they're friends of friends.
Norm: Yeah?
Lilith: But I have to warn you, they're the essence of the Y word.
Frasier: That's the yuppie word for yuppie.
Norm: Oh.
Lilith: Are you implying that I'm a yuppie?
Frasier: Oh, forgive me, I erred. And if I ever do it again, you may cut out my tongue and serve it to me in a fajita.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: Okay, okay, look. Cliff's brain is found murdered in a room. All the doors and windows are locked.

Quote from Norm

Norm: What's going on? I'm dying over here.
Frasier: Well, it's not you, Norm, it's them.
Norm: Yeah?
Frasier: They're narrow-minded, trend-sucking dilettantes, who insist that well, their chefs be French, you know, that their mechanics be German, and that their designers be... stylish.
Norm: Ooh. You mean, stylish.
Frasier: Very stylish.
Norm: 'Nough said, Fras.
Frasier: I'm sorry, Norm. This could have been a real lucrative job for you. I don't know what to say.
Norm: That's okay, I do. Um... [sighs] Listen, uh, did I tell you that, uh, last night, I programmed myself to dream about your space?

Quote from Norm

Kim: You're absolutely right, Norman. I can't believe we've been the perpetrators of this kind of discrimination.
Robert: We'll see you, Norman.
Norm: No, well, listen... Hey, folks, I could still, you know, decorate your mountain retreat there.
Robert: Kim and I happen to be people of principle, all right? And we put our trust in you, our faith. We trusted you with our most prized possession, our home. And how did you return that trust? You lied to us, you betrayed us. You made fools of us.
Norm: I could do it for half price.
Robert: Here's the key. There's Perrier in the fridge. If the neighbors ask, you're a plumber.
Norm: Gotcha, can do, can do. Thank you so much. Thank you.

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