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Spellbound

‘Spellbound’

Season 5, Episode 15 -  Aired January 22, 1987

Loretta (Jean Kasem) drowns her sorrows at Cheers after learning that Nick Tortelli (Dan Hedaya) has cheated on her. Meanwhile, Frasier challenges the guys at chess.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Nick, will you give up on me? You and I are an impossibility. The only thing you instill in me is the desire to flee. And then to be de-flea'd.

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Quote from Diane

Nick Tortelli: Say the word, blondie, and we can happen.
Diane: I'd rather be the love toy of a Greek army battalion.
Nick Tortelli: Who wouldn't? But dreaming gets you nowhere.

Quote from Diane

Loretta: Oh, Sam, you stood up for me. Nobody's ever done that for me before. [kisses Sam]
Sam: Oh.
Nick Tortelli: Sam, I'm aghast.
Sam: What?
Nick Tortelli: You of all people?! Have you no respect for our blessed union?
Sam: Oh, come on, Nick. There's nothing going on here. I'm not interested in Loretta.
Nick Tortelli: Uh, I got one thing to say to you, Sam. Two can play the same game. You took my woman... [looks at Diane] I'm gonna take yours.
Diane: Me? You're taking me? The only thing you should be taking is penicillin.

Quote from Sam

Carla: You know, Sammy, I know you kind of like Diane. But you're gonna have to face it. She's his now.
Sam: Oh, come on, will you stop it? I mean, Nick and Diane, they don't even belong on the same planet. The guy doesn't have any table manners. I mean, he thinks he's God's gift to women. And when was the last time he even picked up a book?
Carla: How's that different from you, Sam?
Sam: All right, there's a big difference... There's a big difference between thinking you're God's gift and knowing it.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: I ran across an interesting fact the other day. You know, if I took a, uh, ride in a spaceship at the speed of light for ten years, when I return, I'd be ten years older, but everybody else here would be 80 years older. Now, do you realize the ramifications of that?
Norm: Yeah, for once you'd be the best player on our softball team.
Cliff: I just can't discuss science with you.
Norm: Cliffie, Cliffie, give me a break.

Quote from Woody

Frasier: Are you, uh, are you going to make a move in our lifetime?
Norm: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Frasier: Oh, come on, Norm. Why don't you just give up? You're finished.
Woody: Well, not necessarily. He could move this piece over to here.
Frasier: My God, Woody, that's brilliant. You're suggesting that after two futile interpositions, he attempt to force unobstructed access to the eighth rank.
Woody: Well, no, I'm saying he should take your horsey with his little pointy-headed guy. [Norm makes a move] No, not that one.
Frasier: Too late! Checkmate!
[cackles]

Quote from Sam

Frasier: Good game, Norm. Okay, next victim.
Sam: Well, what's with this obsession with chess here, huh?
Frasier: Oh, it's just a hobby, Sam. You know, uh, relieve the tension.
Sam: Well, I got a better way to relieve tension. Her name's Tawny. You want her number?
Frasier: No, thanks, Sam. I prefer something with a little mental stimulation as well.
Sam: So read to her first.
Frasier: No, thanks. I'll stick to chess. You know, that and fencing were my two outlets during college. Oh, boy, fencing. I haven't had the old epe out in years.
Sam: Boy, that'd make me pretty tense, too.

Quote from Carla

Loretta: Excuse me, Carla, but I caught Nick cheating on me and I've decided to leave him.
Carla: So you finally found out my ex-husband is a jerk. Well, I told you that before you married the bum. I've done my part. [Loretta sobs]
Diane: Carla, don't ignore her in her time of need. Can't you tell when a woman is dying?
Carla: Sure. When the roots start showing. Like that.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Loretta, would you like to talk about it?
Loretta: Not really.
Diane: To come home and find out that a loved one has been unfaithful is a terrible blow. The best therapy is to tell how you feel about it.
Loretta: I'm against it.

Quote from Woody

Frasier: All right, Diane, you've got your catharsis. Now leave the girl alone.
Diane: Well, at least I'm trying to help. You're merely trying to figure out why your king's about to be mated.
Frasier: Oh, my God. Woody, you must be an idiot savant.
Woody: Yeah, but I cover it by smiling a lot.

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