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‘I'll Be Seeing You, Part 1’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Cheers: I'll Be Seeing You, Part 1

221. I'll Be Seeing You, Part 1

Aired May 3, 1984

After Sam neglects to mention he's dating Diane in a profile of Boston's most eligible bachelors, he tries to patch things up by getting an artist, Phillip Semenko (guest star Christopher Lloyd), to paint a portrait of Diane.

Quote from Coach

Coach: OK, please, everybody, listen up, huh? It's time once again for the third annual Cheers picnic. Now, I'm going to need volunteers for the various committees. First, food. Now, who'll volunteer to take care of the grub? [silence] Well, what the heck. I can do this one. Ernie Pantusso. I did a pretty good job last year. At least no one complained. [laughs] This brings us to the entertainment committee. Who wants to chair this baby? Well, entertainment goes with food. Ernie Pantusso. Ah, we'll need two captains for the softball teams. Two. Uh, come on. A show of hands. [nobody raises their hand] Well, I can handle one team. Ernie Pantusso. OK, so who wants the other? One. One more. Well, I'm going to be out there on the field anyway, so Ernie Pantusso. Oh, and last but not least, I need somebody to head up transportation. I got it. Ernie Pantusso. Now, there'll be a meeting of the committee chairmen is at my house tonight at eight o'clock. Please, everybody, try to be on time.

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Quote from Carla

Sam: Carla, do you mind here? Now, what kind of artist should I get to paint Diane?
Carla: You better get a bad one.
Sam: Why?
Carla: Because you don't want it to look like her, do you?
Sam: You know, your wisecracks all the time don't make things any easier here.
Carla: Come on, Sam, you know my philosophy. If you can't say something nice, say it about Diane.

Quote from Sam

Sam: You know, it's getting to the point where I start doing things I don't even want to do, but just knowing it's going to tick her off, I gotta do them. The more I think it's going to drive her crazy, the happier I get. Is that- Is that weird?
Carla: No, no. We know the woman.

Quote from Coach

Carla: She bought that? I'd like to sell her the old North Church.
Coach: Good luck. I owned that once. It took me forever to unload it. Boy, did I take a bath on that.

Quote from Norm

Norm: [enters] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Coach: How are you feeling, Norm?
Norm: Naked without my beer, Coach. Walked all the way over here, dragging my thirst behind me.

Quote from Sam

Diane: Why did you want them to list you as an eligible bachelor? Isn't that for men who are actively seeking female companionship.
Sam: No, no, not entirely. No, just good publicity for the bar, that's all. Besides, it gave me a chance to air some of my views on political issues.
Diane: What political issues did you air views on?
Sam: I told them I thought nuclear war would be bad news.
Diane: Oh, Sam, you've stirred up a hornet's nest there.
Sam: Really? Well, I can always say I was misquoted.
Diane: Oh, I see. When they say "eligible bachelors" means eligible for a brain transplant.

Quote from Carla

Sam: I knew it. I knew you'd make a big deal out of this. You make a big deal out of everything. Come on. All it was was a nice little article on my life, my interests and a simple picture of me. I mean, it wasn't like it was cheesecake.
Diane: No, Sam. With men, it's beefcake. If I posed, it would be cheesecake.
Carla: If you posed, it would be crumb cake.

Quote from Sam

Sam: Okay, Diane. I'm going to start being honest with you right now. You know how I told you I told that reporter about you? I didn't tell her anything about you.
Diane: I see.
Sam: But I wish I had.
Diane: Thank you for respecting me enough to tell the truth.
Sam: Well, actually, I'm lying again. I'm glad I didn't tell her. It would have made me looked whipped. If you want me to get on that telephone and tell her, I won't. I was about to say I would, but I won't. The truth is- The truth- The truth is that I like having millions of women looking at my picture and dreaming, "l want him". This is just me being honest with you here.
Diane: That's exactly what I wanted.
Sam: Well, this is great. This is great. Why didn't we do this sooner, huh?
Diane: I don't know.
Sam: You see, how if you start telling the truth right away- [Diane strangles Sam with the phone cord]

Quote from Sam

Sam: Hey, Tonto. I thought I told you to beat it.
Phillip Semenko: Please. Something important is happening.
Sam: That's right. You're leaving. The deal's off. Now come on, beat it.
Phillip Semenko: You have nothing to do with this! How dare you interrupt the artistic process at its very start?
Sam: That's how I get my kicks. Now, come, vamoose. Am-scray.
Diane: Sam, stop. This is Phillip Semenko, the genius. He wants to paint me. I've never been so excited in my life.
Sam: You heard of this clown before?
Diane: Yes, of course. He's one of the most promising young artists in the country. Some day he could be great.
Sam: Oh, come on, Diane. If he's a great artist, what's he doing alive?

Quote from Cliff

Sam: It's not my fault. You know, she always starts things. Telling me how to walk, how to act, how to think.
Cliff: Yeah, yeah, and you've been doing those things since you were what, 14?

Quote from Coach

Norm: Sammy, I think it's time for a romantic gesture, you know. Something like a little trinket to smooth the water.
Sam: No, I've done all that stuff before. And I'll tell you, it's going to take a lot more than music and a candlelit dinner to shut her up this time.
Coach: Sam, listen. I'm telling you, it's time for you to take a big step. Now, I wouldn't say this ordinarily to anyone in a million years. But you know what might help? If you actually had physical relations with her.
Sam: Uh... I don't think so, Coach. I think we're both going to wait until we're sure how we feel about each other.
Coach: You're a good old-fashioned guy, Sam.

Quote from Cliff

Sam: Can we get back to this artist thing, please?
Cliff: Oh, yes. I deliver mail to an artist. Now, he's a very successful artist, too. And I'll tell you how successful he is. Yesterday, he received a letter, had a check in it for $25,853 from a guy named Sweeney.
Sam: How do you know what was on the check, man?
Cliff: Well, when I was putting it in the slot, it happened to pass in front of a 300-watt bulb.
Cliff: Do you want me to get on the horn, get him in here?
Sam: Yeah, I guess I could talk to him. Do you think he'd come down and bring some of his pictures?
Cliff: Sure, I'll give it a shot. I usually hesitate to use the power vested in me by the Post Office and the Almighty, but in this case I'll make an exception. Anybody got a dime?

Quote from Norm

Carla: So how was dinner, Norm?
Norm: Oh, listen up, everybody. Stay away from that Hungry Heifer place. That new place downtown.
Coach: They've been advertising that a lot, Normie. No good, huh?
Norm: No, it was awful. They served me a terrible piece of meat, tough potatoes, soggy vegetables.
Carla: Why didn't you send it back?
Norm: Here's another thing, the service stinks. By the time the waiter got there to ask me if everything was OK, I was through.

Quote from Coach

Coach: Can I help you?
Phillip Semenko: I have come to pander to the tasteless.
Coach: Oh, you want to head the food committee. Wait a minute. We got a chairman for the food committee!
Cliff: Oh, I like my buffalo sunny-side up there, Chief.
Phillip Semenko: Are you referring to my apparel?
Cliff: Oh, hey, no offence there, Little Beaver, but it is a tad- Tad out of the mundane, you know.
Coach: Excuse me, sir, but what is that outfit?
Phillip Semenko: This is an Arapaho ceremonial tunic worn by the village elders when they hold council in their hunting lodge. I earned it by letting them pierce my flesh with wild turkey quills.
Coach: Well, this is a JC Penney wash and wear, tapered tails. The salesman was a little nasty, but I didn't have to go through anything like that.

Quote from Diane

Diane: Hello, everyone. I'm back.
Coach: Oh, hi, Diane.
Diane: I'm sorry I stormed off like that. I've cooled off. Coach, Carla, everybody, let's just continue. It's important that you all know I wasn't really trying to kill Sam when I wrapped the telephone cord- May I help you?
Phillip Semenko: That's the face I've been looking for.
Diane: Sorry, I'm still using it. I could let you visit it on weekends.

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