Rebecca: Can you believe it? Her first day on the job and Evan's little tart is late. That's because she knows I can't do anything about it because her lover boy is the big boss. Isn't she just the queen of gall?
Cliff: Oh, no, that was Charlemagne's wife, I think. Well, you know, if memory serves, I think her name was Cathy.

Annie: But ever since I started working here, he's become insanely jealous. "Why am I late? When am I coming home? Why am I dressed like such an ultra-fox?" I mean, if it weren't for the six times a day we make love he'd be no fun at all.
Norm: Six? Whoo! Can't think of anything that I can do six times a day. Hit me again. [slides over empty beer glass] Will you, Sam?
Sam: Listen, it's kind of tough on a husband, you know, to have his wife supporting him. It's a- It's a pride thing.
Norm: It is a pride thing, Sam. I remember once when I was out of work, Vera had to support us. I tell ya, the day that woman left to deliver phone books... The proudest day of my life, actually.

Paul: Hey, anyone see the conclusion of the White House Murders last night?
Frasier: No! Don't say anything. I've got it on tape.
Norm: Did you believe it was the vice-president?
Frasier: Please!
Woody: How about where the First Lady popped out of a pool of her own blood and strangled the Russian ambassador?
Frasier: No! No!
Woody: Yeah, that was my reaction exactly.
Frasier: Well, thank you, one and all, for ruining yet another plot for me. I'll be off, now, but before I go there's something I'd like to share with you. In Citizen Kane, Rosebud is the name of his sled. In Murder on the Orient Express, everyone did it. And Luke Skywalker's father is Darth Vader. Ha!
Cliff: Ah, why doesn't the guy tell us something we don't know, huh?
Woody: Darth Vader is Luke's father?

Rebecca: So, did you get a chance to see Carla's babies?
Sam: Oh, we sure did. There are two of the cutest little guys you've ever seen.
Rebecca: Ah, who do they look like, Carla or Eddie?
Woody: Well, they're twins. They kind of look like each other.

Cliff: Well, pardon my appearance, everybody.
Rebecca: We always do. Sorry. I was covering for Carla.
Cliff: Oh, hey, you're doing a fine job.

Norm: Okay, uh, here's another possibility. Instead of firing someone, you send them to the worst job in the organization. Usually the poor schlep just gets fed up and quits. They've tried that on me a bunch of times. Works like a charm.

Rebecca: You know, sometimes I like to play little guessing games. Do you like to play little guessing games, guys? [all agree] Let's play a little guessing game. I just spoke to Mr. Drake and he suggested that I hire a young girl he knows to cover for Carla. Now, why do you suppose a busy, important man like Mr. Drake would take time out of his day to get a simple cocktail waitress a job?
Norm: Oh, oh, oh.
Rebecca: Norm.
Norm: Uh, she's, uh... She's a friend of the family.
Rebecca: Possible.
Cliff: He's, uh, paying off a debt.
Norm: I like that.
Woody: He feels sorry for her.
Rebecca: He does have a soft heart.
Sam: Maybe she's sleeping with him.
Rebecca: Of course that little tramp is sleeping with him! Do you think I'm stupid?
Woody: Is this still part of the guessing game?

Cliff: The reason why I look like I've been up all night is because, well, I've been up all night reading that little opus.
Norm: All right, Lust for Justice. Yeah, Vera talked me into reading this.
Cliff: Oh, is she a fan?
Norm: No, no. When Vera's talking, I'll read just about anything.

Cliff: I almost ruptured a disc delivering those Book of the Month club copies and I decided to see what all the hooha was about.
Norm: Yeah, two thumbs up, right?
Cliff: Oh, yeah. Finest piece of trash not written by a Junta or Jackie in modern literature.
Frasier: Good Lord. Another piece of salacious mind candy. God, this is over 600 pages long. Who could imagine he'd know this many words?
Woody: Yeah, well I checked. He uses a lot of them twice.
Cliff: Yeah, well, Frasier, you want to borrow it then?
Frasier: No way you'll find me reading it. Oh, just look at these reviews.
Cliff: Suit yourself.
Frasier: "l couldn't put it down." [scoffs]

Cliff: Well, well, well. Hey, Normie, look who's developed a lust for justice.
Norm: Yeah.
Frasier: Do you mind? Lorenzo is hemorrhaging.
Cliff: Oh, he dies.
Frasier: Don't tell me. Don't tell me.
Norm: Yeah, yeah, that's true. We don't want to spoil the part where Monica first comes in. Were you shocked or what when she turned out to be a man?
Cliff: Oh, no, no, I saw-
Frasier: [puts his fingers in his ears and sings] I wish I was in the land of cotton Old times there are not forgotten Look away, look away, look away