Cliff: You know, this, uh, getting up in the middle of the night with a crying baby stuff, that's... That's the reason I never had kids.
Norm: That's the only reason, huh, Cliff?
Cliff: Well, and the fact that my mother taught me to have a healthy respect for the evils of overpopulation, Normie. Yeah, you know what? I can still remember her looking at me and saying, "For the love of God, Cliffy, let it stop with you."

Frasier: You know, it just isn't fair. I mean, I came to the... I wanted to be one of the guys. And all I'm doing is sitting on my duff watching other people do things.
Norm: Welcome to Normworld. Keep your hands inside the car at all times.

Frasier: Friends, congratulate me. I've just had my first 3 consecutive hours of sleep since I became a father.
Norm: Lilith's been making you get up with the baby at night when it cries, huh?
Frasier: Well, being a progressive couple, we actually take turns, but last night, as she was gently nudging me with one of her serrated elbows, I fell back on the old yoga trick of lowering my heart rate, holding my breath, and staring blankly as though I was dead.
Woody: And that worked?
Frasier: Nope. Didn't buy it for a minute. See, I'd forgotten it was she that taught me that trick during our honeymoon.

Carla: Well, you've gone to a lot of trouble. How long you been planning this?
Rebecca: Since my first day of puberty.
Cliff: Ah, pubescence. An emotional time. I don't mind saying that puberty was one long nightmare for me.
Norm: How's that, Cliff?
Cliff: Ma wouldn't allow it in the house.

Woody: Hey, Mr. Colcord, I think it's great that you're taking a day off. You know, back in Hanover, we used to always take Sundays off. Yeah, me and the family used to dress in our best clothes, we'd sit in the parlor, and read from the good book. Then afterward, me and my brother would go out to the barn and read from a bad book. I love Sundays.

Sam: You know, I hope Normie just knocks him down a peg or two.
Carla: Yeah, well, we all know that Norm isn't the best darts player in the bar. And we all know who is, don't we, Sammy?
Sam: I'm fine. No, I don't want to play him. I mean, it's one thing when you play friends, that's kind of fun, you know? But when you start playing people you don't like, other things kind of enter in, and you start thinking about those times that he screwed you out of all that money or how he, uh, beat you to Rebecca after you worked on her for all those years and how he always makes you kind of feel like a stupid, know-nothing jerk with lousy clothes and a stupid job. You know something? I'm going to kick that guy's royal butt!

Robin: But how do you think you would fare in a game whose outcome rested purely on intelligence, acumen, cognitive reasoning?
Sam: OK. Carla, break out the Yahtzee.
Robin: No. I was referring to the age-old game of chess. Or don't you indulge in such sport in this cultural wasteland?
Carla: Hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute. Are you talking about my country?
Robin: No, I'm talking about this bar.
Carla: Oh. Well, you don't know the half of it.

Robin: So, do you fancy another game, Sam?
Sam: Whoo! Boy, Robin, you are a glutton.
Robin: Well, it's not often I meet someone who can offer me such a challenge. I must confess, I rarely lose.
Sam: Really? Well, you're a natural at it.
Norm: Hey!
Robin: Yes, you're very kind. It's not surprising you beat me at these physical games. I mean, all they depended upon were simple hand-to-eye coordination, animal cunning. I mean, these are the only things you're adroit at.
Sam: Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. No one calls me a droit.

Woody: Boy, those English guys are clever. No wonder we lost that war.
Sam: No, we didn't lose the war. We won it.
Woody: Oh, right. Then how come we speak English?
Sam: Hey, man, come on. You know, just don't be a droit.

Cliff: Mr. Colcord. You English guys, you play darts a lot, don't you?
Robin: Oh, yes, we English do nothing but sit around in pubs, sipping thick, warm ale, throwing darts incessantly, dropping our Hs, and singing God Save the Queen. That's all we do in England.
Woody: Wow, that film strip they showed in junior high was right on the money.
Robin: I'm sorry I snapped. It's, um, not because of you people. It's this business of, um, sitting around all day, doing nothing. Gets on my nerves, you know. Or, um... Maybe it is you people.