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‘Indoor Fun with Sammy and Robby’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Cheers: Indoor Fun with Sammy and Robby

819. Indoor Fun with Sammy and Robby

Aired February 22, 1990

When Robin takes a rare day off to be with Rebecca, he ends up staying at Cheers all day competing with Sam.

Quote from Cliff

Cliff: You know, this, uh, getting up in the middle of the night with a crying baby stuff, that's... That's the reason I never had kids.
Norm: That's the only reason, huh, Cliff?
Cliff: Well, and the fact that my mother taught me to have a healthy respect for the evils of overpopulation, Normie. Yeah, you know what? I can still remember her looking at me and saying, "For the love of God, Cliffy, let it stop with you."

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Quote from Norm

Frasier: You know, it just isn't fair. I mean, I came to the... I wanted to be one of the guys. And all I'm doing is sitting on my duff watching other people do things.
Norm: Welcome to Normworld. Keep your hands inside the car at all times.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Friends, congratulate me. I've just had my first 3 consecutive hours of sleep since I became a father.
Norm: Lilith's been making you get up with the baby at night when it cries, huh?
Frasier: Well, being a progressive couple, we actually take turns, but last night, as she was gently nudging me with one of her serrated elbows, I fell back on the old yoga trick of lowering my heart rate, holding my breath, and staring blankly as though I was dead.
Woody: And that worked?
Frasier: Nope. Didn't buy it for a minute. See, I'd forgotten it was she that taught me that trick during our honeymoon.

Quote from Cliff

Carla: Well, you've gone to a lot of trouble. How long you been planning this?
Rebecca: Since my first day of puberty.
Cliff: Ah, pubescence. An emotional time. I don't mind saying that puberty was one long nightmare for me.
Norm: How's that, Cliff?
Cliff: Ma wouldn't allow it in the house.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Hey, Mr. Colcord, I think it's great that you're taking a day off. You know, back in Hanover, we used to always take Sundays off. Yeah, me and the family used to dress in our best clothes, we'd sit in the parlor, and read from the good book. Then afterward, me and my brother would go out to the barn and read from a bad book. I love Sundays.

Quote from Sam

Sam: You know, I hope Normie just knocks him down a peg or two.
Carla: Yeah, well, we all know that Norm isn't the best darts player in the bar. And we all know who is, don't we, Sammy?
Sam: I'm fine. No, I don't want to play him. I mean, it's one thing when you play friends, that's kind of fun, you know? But when you start playing people you don't like, other things kind of enter in, and you start thinking about those times that he screwed you out of all that money or how he, uh, beat you to Rebecca after you worked on her for all those years and how he always makes you kind of feel like a stupid, know-nothing jerk with lousy clothes and a stupid job. You know something? I'm going to kick that guy's royal butt!

Quote from Robin Colcord

Robin: But how do you think you would fare in a game whose outcome rested purely on intelligence, acumen, cognitive reasoning?
Sam: OK. Carla, break out the Yahtzee.
Robin: No. I was referring to the age-old game of chess. Or don't you indulge in such sport in this cultural wasteland?
Carla: Hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute. Are you talking about my country?
Robin: No, I'm talking about this bar.
Carla: Oh. Well, you don't know the half of it.

Quote from Sam

Robin: So, do you fancy another game, Sam?
Sam: Whoo! Boy, Robin, you are a glutton.
Robin: Well, it's not often I meet someone who can offer me such a challenge. I must confess, I rarely lose.
Sam: Really? Well, you're a natural at it.
Norm: Hey!
Robin: Yes, you're very kind. It's not surprising you beat me at these physical games. I mean, all they depended upon were simple hand-to-eye coordination, animal cunning. I mean, these are the only things you're adroit at.
Sam: Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. No one calls me a droit.

Quote from Woody

Woody: Boy, those English guys are clever. No wonder we lost that war.
Sam: No, we didn't lose the war. We won it.
Woody: Oh, right. Then how come we speak English?
Sam: Hey, man, come on. You know, just don't be a droit.

Quote from Robin Colcord

Cliff: Mr. Colcord. You English guys, you play darts a lot, don't you?
Robin: Oh, yes, we English do nothing but sit around in pubs, sipping thick, warm ale, throwing darts incessantly, dropping our Hs, and singing God Save the Queen. That's all we do in England.
Woody: Wow, that film strip they showed in junior high was right on the money.
Robin: I'm sorry I snapped. It's, um, not because of you people. It's this business of, um, sitting around all day, doing nothing. Gets on my nerves, you know. Or, um... Maybe it is you people.

Quote from Robin Colcord

Carla: Hey, hey, hey. Sammy's talking.
Sam: [over headset] Yeah, yeah. It's very clever of you to have moved your pointy-headed thing to the white square, second from the bottom on the far right.
Norm: Uh, right, Sam. OK, yeah, here we go. Holy cow. It went blank.
Sam: Pardon me?
Robin: What?
Sam: l... said pardon me. I burped.
Robin: No, you didn't.
Sam: Well, you couldn't hear me, but I did, and I'm sorry.
Robin: Oh. Well, then, gesundheit.
Sam: I didn't sneeze.
Robin: Well, perhaps you will one day, and I won't hear it.

Quote from Sam

Robin: That is either the stupidest move in the world, or... That was very clever, Sam. What will you do when I move my bishop to king knight 5?
Sam: I don't know. All right. Is this, uh, horsey guy mine?
Robin: Yes.
Sam: Well, ahem, can I move that here... And that's checkmate?
Robin: What?
Sam: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I win. That's checkmate. Yeah. You shouldn't have moved your cardinal, bub.
Robin: Bishop! It's called a bishop. I only moved him because your last move was so incredibly stupid, that I thought you were up to something clever.
Sam: Heh. Yeah. Well, sometimes incredibly stupid is clever enough for me.

Quote from Robin Colcord

Sam: All right, all right. If you knew this game was fixed, then how come you went along with it?
Robin: Are you joking? That was the only thing about the game that held any challenge for me, Samuel.
Sam: OK, so, you knew it was fixed, and yet you went ahead and played. I say that I won fair and square. You owe me, one week's salary. Come on, bud, and don't, uh, leave out any of those little zeros there.
Robin: Oh, right you are, Sam. Um, I must preface this by saying that, um, in order to keep my tax bracket low, I am a corporation. And the nominal salary I pay myself as president of that corporation is $1.00 a year, which means that my weekly salary after taxes is... One penny.

Quote from Carla

Frasier: Well, I whupped 'em both.
Norm: Oh, yeah, Frasier. You definitely threw the one that came closest to the dartboard.
Frasier: Well, what is that unusual taste? Ah, yes... Sour grapes. Ha ha ha! So, does anybody else wish to snatch the laurels of victory from my brow?
Carla: Well, something's got to cover that beach you call a forehead.

Quote from Robin Colcord

Robin: Hi, darling. Ready to go to the beach?
Rebecca: I've been to the beach, thank you.
Robin: Well, why didn't you ask me to go?
Rebecca: I did. I came in here and screamed your name out at least a half a dozen times.
Robin: I thought you were cheering me on.

Quote from Rebecca

Sam: You mean you had to go to the beach all by yourself?
Rebecca: No. I went with Woody. I did all those stupid things that I dreamed of doing. We walked on the shore, and we fed the sea gulls, we skipped stones. I buried Woody up to his neck in the sand. Oh, my God. Woody! [runs out]

Quote from Norm

Frasier: Oh, here's where everybody is.
Norm: Oh, Frasier. How's Cliff?
Frasier: Oh, he's fine, fine. He'll be all right, I think. They're keeping him under observation for a while until he's completely normal.
Norm: Gee, I never got to say good-bye.

Quote from Rebecca

Rebecca: OK, people, I've got a special day planned with Robin, so, I'm leaving the bar in your control. I want everything ship-shape. Carla, straighten up your apron. Woody, fix your hair. Sam, stop fixing your hair.

Quote from Norm

Rebecca: Robin will be by shortly and he's taking the day off.
Sam: Oh, how nice for you.
Rebecca: Nice? Ha! I don't think you understand the significance of this. Men like Robin Colcord do not take days off. He had to shift appointments, put off deals, cancel plane flights. When a man like Robin takes a day off, it is a major commitment.
Norm: Well, for me, it's a way of life.

Quote from Woody

Carla: So, what's all this?
Rebecca: Today, Robin and I are going to live out every fantasy I've ever had, and I want to be properly attired.
So, this is for the beach, walking hand-in-hand, picnic in the park, paddle boats, zoo, seventh row, phantom of the opera, and this is for the end of a romantic evening. [holds up an unused clothes hanger]
Woody: You're planning on locking your keys in your car, Miss Howe?
Rebecca: Yes, Woody.

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