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‘The One in Vegas (Part 2)’ Quotes

Friends: The One in Vegas (Part 2)

524. The One in Vegas (Part 2)

Aired May 20, 1999

Ross and Rachel attempt to embarrass each other on the flight to Las Vegas. When they arrive at the hotel, Rachel refuses to leave her room so she and Ross spend the evening getting drunk. Meanwhile, Joey tries to convince a croupier that they could make a career out of being "identical hand twins", Phoebe squares off against a lurker in the casino, and Chandler and Monica's lucky streak leads to the bet of a lifetime.

Quote from Rachel

Chandler: Okay, this is it. We're gonna get married.
Monica: You sure you wanna do this?
Ross: Hello, Mrs. Ross!
Rachel: Well, hello, Mr. Rachel!

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Quote from Joey

Joey: That's right. You take good care of those babies.
Randall: Excuse me?
Joey: It's me. Joey.
Randall: Do I know you?
Joey: Joey?
Randall: Oh, yeah. Yeah, the hand guy.
Joey: Okay, so what are we gonna do about this hand twin thing?
Randall: Nothing.
Joey: Look, you and I have been given a gift. Okay. We have to do something with it. Like hand modeling. Or magic. And you know NASA's gonna want to talk to us.
Randall: I have to get back to work.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We can have our own show. We can clap our hands together. People will love it. And I wrote a song for us.
[singing] This hand is your hand, This hand is my hand, Oh, wait, that's your hand, No, wait, it's my hand-
Randall: That's okay.
Joey: But you haven't even heard the chorus.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Okay, lady, your lurking days are over.
Lurker: What?
Phoebe: Yeah. From now on, everyone you lurk, I'll lurk first. You move on to someone else, I'm going to be one step ahead of you every single time. And then I'll be on your ass every hour of every day, till Monday, because that's when I go home. When do you leave?
Lurker: Also Monday.
Phoebe: What time? Maybe we can share a cab.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I won! I finally won!
Lurker: I won. That was my quarter.
Phoebe: All right, here. Take a hike, toots.
Lurker: Excuse me, sir. This lady played my quarter. This is my money.
Security Guard: Is that true, miss?
Phoebe: She sells drugs to kids.
Security Guard: What?
Phoebe: She sells drugs to kids.
Lurker: It was my quarter.
Security Guard: Was it her quarter?
Phoebe: How about we talk about this over dinner?
Security Guard: Okay, lady, you're out of here.
Phoebe: No. No, you can't arrest me. No. I won't go back. I won't go back to that hellhole!
Security Guard: I'm just taking you outside.
Phoebe: Oh, okay.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: Hello, my name is Regina Phalange. I'm a businesswoman in town on business. Would you like to see my card? Oh, what did I do with my Filofax? I must've left it in Conference Room B.
Randall: Fourteen.
Joey: Hit me.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. May I just say, that you two gentlemen have the exact same hands? They're identical. Now, I've never seen anything like that in the business world.
Randall: Stop it.
Joey: Miss Phalange, may I ask you a question as an impartial person at this table?
Randall: Please stop it.
Joey: Wouldn't you pay good money to see these identical hands showcased in some type of an entertainment venue?
Randall: If you leave now, I will chop off my hand and give it to you.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Ross, there is no way I am leaving looking like this.
Ross: Come on, Rach. It's not that bad.
Rachel: Ross, I am a human doodle!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, Rach, how you doin'?
Rachel: I'm doing good, baby. How you doin'?
Joey: Ross, don't let her drink anymore.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I think the check-in is that way.
[A kid points and laughs at Rachel]
Rachel: Oh, kids love me.
Phoebe: Hey. Hi, you guys are here. What'd you do? Did you go to a costume party? Let me guess. Pancho Villa and you're Bob Saget.
Rachel: Pancho Villa?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: What are you talking about, Pheebs? I don't- Oh, my God! You drew on me?
Ross: Hey, you wet my pants.
Phoebe: Oh, what kind of party was this?

Quote from Ross

Phoebe: It's, like, the third time that lady's won on a machine I was playing.
Ross: I bet she's one of those people.
Phoebe: Mole people?
Ross: What? No. No, a lurker.
Phoebe: What's a lurker?
Ross: Okay, when you're playing a machine and it hasn't paid out, a lurker waits for you to give up and then-
Phoebe: Kills you?
Ross: No. They swoop in and steal your jackpot.
Phoebe: Oh. How do you know about this?
Ross: My nana used to do it. That's how she paid for my dance- Karate lessons.
Phoebe: Dance karate?
Ross: Yes, it's a deadly but beautiful sport.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Listen, I talked to Chandler. And I'm sorry about the movie.
Joey: Don't be sorry. I don't need it anymore. I found my identical hand twin.
Ross: Your what?
Joey: My identical hand twin. Yeah, the person whose hands are exactly like mine. This thing is a gold mine.
Ross: What? That's not going to make you any money.
Joey: Well, if that's how you feel about it, fine. None of you will get to live with me in my great, big hand-shaped mansion. Except you, Pheebs. You can live in the thumb.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: So let's forget about this going home stuff and start celebrating our anniversary. Okay, this is empty.
Chandler: Yeah, I wanted to make a dramatic scene, but I hate packing.

Quote from Ross

Ross: [on the phone] Yes, hello. I have a question. I used your pen to draw on my friend's face.
A beard and a mustache. [laughs] Thank you. No, she didn't think so. I know. It's like- Anyway, makeup didn't cover it, we've tried everything and nothing's worked. What do we do? Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. Thank you. [hangs up] Yeah, it's not coming off.
Rachel: What? What else did he say?
Ross: He said he thought I was funny.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: I need a drink.
Ross: Oh, you know they really overcharge you for that stuff. But who cares, because it's all on me.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: What did you say?
Chandler: You roll another hard eight and we get married here tonight.
Monica: You serious?
Chandler: Yes. I love you. I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.
Monica: I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.
Chandler: Okay. So if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it. What do you say?
Monica: Okay.
Chandler: All right. Hard eight.
Chandler: Okay, that's a four. And where's the other one?
Drunken Gambler: It went under the table.
Monica: Okay, nobody move. You look that way, I look this way.
Chandler: Okay. Here it is, here it is.
Monica: That could be 4 or 5. It's your call.
Chandler: It's a four.
Monica: I think so too.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, well, lost again. That's it. You and me. Outside!
Lurker: I wouldn't want you to lose a chunk of that pretty blond hair!

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Hello, Vegas? We would like more alcohol. And you know what else? We would like some more beers. Hello? Oh, I forgot to dial.
[knock at the door]
Ross: That must be our alcohol and beers.

Quote from Ross

Joey: Look, I need some help, okay? Someone has got to help convince my hand twin to cooperate.
Ross: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. [Ross tries to sit down on nothing, falls over] Whoa, whoa. Are you okay?
Joey: Yeah, fine. Thanks.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: I can't get married until I something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.
Chandler: Okay, okay. Here's something blue and new.
Monica: You are so efficient. I love you.
Chandler: Let's go.
Monica: No, no, no. Wait. We need something old.
Chandler: Okay. I have a condom in my wallet that I've had since I was twelve.
Monica: That'll work.
Chandler: I don't think so.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Okay, now we just need something borrowed.
Chandler: Okay. Here, just take this.
Monica: That's stealing.
Chandler: We'll bring it back. Just put it under your dress.
Monica: [feeling her bump] Aww.
Chandler: Okay. One thing at a time.

Quote from Phoebe

Security Guard: Didn't I just throw you out?
Phoebe: No, you threw out Phoebe. I'm Regina Phalange. Phalange.
Security Guard: Come on, lady.

Quote from Joey

Randall: Please take him, too.
Joey: Me? Oh, come on, man. Don't let him do this. Come on. I'm your hand twin!

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Hello. One marriage, please.
Monica: Yep. We want to get married.
Attendant: There's a service in progress. Have a seat.
Chandler: All right. [humming "Pomp and Circumstance"]
Monica: What are you doing?
Chandler: Oh, that's the "Wedding March." Does that freak you out?
Monica: No, only because it's the graduation song.


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