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‘The One with Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.

620. The One with Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.

Aired April 13, 2000

As Joey waits for news on an important audition, he reminisces about his acting career. [CLIP SHOW]

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: "We've got three minutes till the reactor blows. "We're never going to make it!"
Phoebe: "You've got to get out of here! Save yourself!"
Joey: "No, I won't leave you."
Phoebe: "Don't worry about me. I'm a robot. I'm just a machine!"
Joey: "No, you're not. Not to me."
Phoebe: Oh, my God.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: I am extremely talented.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. You're great. Okay, let's take it from-
Phoebe: No, I mean, I was really acting my ass off.
Joey: I thought I was pretty good, too.
Phoebe: Yeah, you're solid. You're just no me.
Joey: You know what? I think that's enough for now. I don't want to be over-rehearsed.
Phoebe: Fine. I'll do it without you. I don't need you or anybody else. I'm gonna make it on my own. You'll see! You'll all see!

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Quote from Joey

Chandler: So, what's this thing you're auditioning for?
Joey: It's a new TV show. Yeah. I'm up for the part of Mac, Machiavelli, or "Mac"! Yeah, I'm a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. He's a computerized humanoid electronically enhanced, secret enforcer. Or, "C.H.E.E.S.E."
Rachel: So, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.?
Joey: That's the title! You know, they really lucked out that the initials spell "cheese."
Chandler: That is lucky.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: The allergy guy got the part. Thanks.
Chandler: Well, maybe we can fix it, you know? Maybe we can send him some big, big flowers and scare him.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: [writing] "Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. By dog ... not flowers."

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I wrote it. I wrote it on the board. I wrote it down, then went looking all over New York for you. I went to Ross's, the coffee house, I went to any place that they make sandwiches.

Quote from Ross

Joey: "Come on, C.H.E.E.S.E., I'm not leaving without you. Try routing your backup power source through your primary CPU."
Phoebe: "I can't. My circuits are fried. They're fried, I tell you!"
Joey: Wow. "Well, then I'll just have to carry you."
Ross: "That'll be a neat trick ... when you're dead!"
Joey: Ross, you don't have to yell.
Ross: There was just an explosion, okay? My hearing would be impaired.
Phoebe: I thought you were excellent. In fact, for a minute there, I was like, "Ooh, where did Ross go?"
Ross: Thank you. And I have to say that first scene where you meet Mac.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Ross: Oh, my God. I mean-
Joey: And you know what? I think that's enough for today. Thanks for your help.
Phoebe: Holding us back.
Ross: Totally.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: So Joey, if you get this, you're gonna be, like the star of your own TV show. I mean, you'll be like the "Big Cheese" or the "Big Mac." Hey, you love those.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: Don't get your hopes up, because it's probably not gonna happen.
Chandler: Now, now. Why would you say that, Joseph?
Joey: Well, I mean, come on you guys. My own TV show? I don't know if I'm good enough.
Phoebe: I am.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: How did the audition go?
Ross: Terrible. I messed up every line. I shouldn't even be an actor.
Ross: Wait a minute. Are you doing that thing where you pretend it didn't go well but it really did go well?
Joey: Yeah, did I fool you?
Ross: Totally!
Chandler: So, it did go well?
Joey: It went amazingly well.

Quote from Ross

Joey: It's down to me and two other guys. And I know both of them, and they're really good.
One's from those allergy commercials who's always being chased by those big flowers.
Ross: Oh, I love that guy.
Joey: What are you doing?
Ross: What am I doing?

Quote from Chandler

Joey: I'm so nervous, you know? The callback isn't 'til tomorrow at 5:00. I feel like my head's gonna explode.
Chandler: Well, it is overdue.

Quote from Joey

Joey: It's just, I want this part so much, you know? If I don't get this part, I'm never gonna eat macaroni and cheese again. No, I didn't say that. That doesn't count.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Come on, guys. It's not like I moved to Europe. I just moved across the hall. And we would have you over all the time if it weren't for Monica's allergies. You're right, I could never lie to you. She hates you.

Quote from Joey

Joey: How cool would it be if you could watch like a real life-size version of this? I mean, how crazy would that be?
Chandler: As crazy as soccer?

Quote from Chandler

Joey: You don't even live here anymore. Why'd you answer my phone? I have a machine.
Chandler: Which I bought for you. Taught you how to use it. You thought it was a copier.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Stop beating yourself up. People make mistakes. These things happen. I hope there aren't any messages you've forgotten to give me, are there? Apparently, you're not very good at it.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Joey? Got you the Joey special! Two pizzas!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hello? No, Joey's not here right now, but I can take a message. I think. He's still got a chance for the part? That's great news. Well, no, obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog.

Quote from Joey

Joey: You might say, "Congratulations!" I saw the board, I went to the audition, I got the part.
Chandler: Was that supposed to be funny? I was worried over here.
Joey: I'm sorry.
Chandler: You know, sometimes that fake-out thing is just mean.
Joey: Okay, man. I'm sorry. I did not mean to make you feel bad.
Chandler: Well, that's good. Because you didn't. And I am incredibly happy for ya.
Joey: That's mean. You had me going there.
Chandler: Eh, we could do this all day.
Joey: Yeah, you're right.

Quote from Chandler

[Chandler and Ross staring at a chess board]
Ross: It's your turn.
Chandler: Oh, are we playing this?


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