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32Quotes from ‘The One with a Chick and a Duck’

Friends: The One with a Chick and a Duck

321. The One with a Chick and a Duck

Aired April 17, 1997

Pete offers Monica a job in his new restaurant, but she is hesistant to take it if he's still got a crush on her. Meanwhile, Ross skips an important engagement to take care of Rachel, and Joey and Chandler adopt a baby chick and a duck.

Quote from Monica

Monica: This has been, like, my dream since I got my first Easy-Bake Oven and opened Easy-Monica's Bakery.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Can you believe he just offered me a restaurant?
Rachel: What a jerk. You want me to kick his ass?

Quote from Monica

Ross: Hey, you guys. Guess what?
Rachel: You got a job on a riverboat?
Ross: You know what, I didn't wear this suit for a year, because you hated it. Well, guess what. You're not my girlfriend anymore, so...
Rachel: Oh, I see. This suit is making a point. Now that you're on your own, you're free to look as stupid as you'd like.
Ross: You like it, right?
Monica: Absolutely. I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Ross, I'm kidding. Come here. What were you gonna tell us?
Rachel: Ooh, was it how you invented the cotton gin?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: It's a chicken.
Joey: It's cute, huh?
Phoebe: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys? Do you know anything about chicks?
Chandler: Fowl? No. Women? No.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: They are a huge responsibility. Especially at this age. They require constant care. They need just the right food and lots and lots of love.
Joey: [picks up the chick and grasps it closely] Well, no problem there.
Chandler: Easy, Lenny.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Wow. That's exciting. You went to Japan, made up a woman.
Pete: What?
Phoebe: I'm just saying, this "woman," I mean, she's fictitious, no?
Pete: Why would you say that?
Phoebe: Because you're still into Monica. So you told there's somebody else so she'd agree to work with you because you figure f you spend time a lot of time together, maybe something might happen.
Pete: You're good. You're good.
Phoebe: Yeah. No, I'm fairly intuitive. And psychic. It's a substantial gift.
Pete: Can you promise me that you won't tell her?
Phoebe: Absolutely. I promise. Tell her what?
Pete: Thanks a lot.
Phoebe: No, I'm serious. I mean I'm intuitive, but my memory sucks.

Quote from Ross

Ross: You've got to go to a doctor, okay?
Rachel: No, I have to get ready and go to a dinner at my boss's house. There's people there that I have to meet.
Ross: Yeah, I'm sure you'll make a great impression. [raising his foot and shaking it like a hand] "Hi, I'm Rachel. It's nice to meet you."

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Monica, I am so excited for you. I have to tell you something.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Well, I can't tell you.
Monica: But wouldn't it be easier to tell me something that you could tell me?
Phoebe: Well, sure, in a perfect world. But, no, I promised I wouldn't tell, and I swore to, like, all my Gods.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Does it have to do with Ross and Rachel?
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Does it have to do with Joey?
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Does it have to do with Chandler and that sock he keeps by his bed?
Phoebe: No, but let's come back to that later.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Does it involve travel?
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Does it involve clogs?
Phoebe: Wait, wait. Clogs or claws?
Monica: Clogs.
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Claws?
Phoebe: No.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Phoebe, would you just tell me?
Phoebe: I can't.
Monica: All right, I gotta go.
Phoebe: But you're so close.
Monica: Does it have something to do with Pete's computer company?
Phoebe: Just go. You're never going to get it.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Now you stay out here and you think about what you did!
Ross: That's a duck.
Chandler: That's a bad duck!

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: So whose idea was it to put everybody in the diner on skates?
Monica: Some idiot customer put a suggestion in the suggestion box.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. They took my idea.
Monica: That was you?

Quote from Chandler

Joey: You know, with that goatee, you kind of look like Satan.
Chandler: Oh, so that's why the priest threw holy water on me.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I'm gonna be on TV.
Chandler: No way.
Ross: Yeah, they're putting together a panel to talk about these fossils they just found in Peru and The Discovery Channel's going to film it.
Chandler: Oh, my God. Who's gonna watch that?
Ross: Thanks.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hi. You guys got any of those baby chicks? I was watching this commercial on TV, and, man, those things are cute!

Quote from Monica

Monica: Wow, you're a lot sturdier than Chandler. He crumbled like a piece of paper.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: How could I accept a restaurant from him? I can't. I couldn't even accept a necklace from Stu Vincent in the 7th grade.
Rachel: But, Mon, that was totally different. He was your health teacher.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: How's she doing?
Chandler: She?
Joey: Well, yeah, don't you think it's a she?
Chandler: I don't know. [picks up the chick, blows air] I can't tell. Whatever it was went back in too quickly.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I gotta change. I'm meeting some of the cast for drinks.
Chandler: Excuse me?
Joey: What?
Chandler: I stayed home while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick.
Joey: Hey, who was up from 2:00 this morning until 5:00 trying to get her back to sleep?
Chandler: You don't think I get up when you get up?
Joey: Oh, here it comes.
Chandler: Yes! Here it comes. I'm stuck here all day. And then you come in and spend two seconds with us and then expect to go off gallivanting with your friends? Well, I don't think so, mister.
Joey: Hey, I need to relax, okay? I was working all day.
Chandler: And you don't think taking care of our chick is work?
Joey: That's not what I said. I just meant-
Chandler: I know what you meant. Did you notice that ever since we got this chick we've been fighting a lot more than we used to?
Joey: I don't know, maybe we weren't ready to have a chick.
Chandler: I'll take her back tomorrow.
Joey: You think we'll get our $3 back?

Quote from Joey

Ross: I have that TV thing in two hours, and I need your help. What do you think? This blue suit or this brown one?
Joey: Well, the brown one brings out your eyes. But your butt looks great in the blue one.
Ross: Really?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Do you guys know how to get a chick out of a VCR?

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Because I think this will make you a little more sophisticated.
Rachel: Sophisticated like a hooker?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Okay, just turn around.
Ross: What?
Rachel: I don't want you to see me naked.
Ross: Rachel, I've seen you naked a million times. I ate hot fudge off you naked. I sucked that mini-marshmallow out of your bellybutton.
Rachel: Yeah, but that was different. We were going out then. Now it's weird.
Ross: Rach, you know, I can see you naked anytime I want.
Rachel: What?
Ross: All I have to do is close my eyes. See? Woohoo.
Rachel: Ross, stop that. Come on. I don't want you thinking of me like that anymore.
Ross: Sorry. Nothing you can do about it. It's one of my rights as the ex-boyfriend.
Rachel: Stop it. Cut it out. Cut it out.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: What's wrong?
Rachel: I'm sorry. I just can't go to the hospital looking like this.

Quote from Monica

Monica: So it doesn't involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey. What about Pete?
Phoebe: No. [Phoebe nods]
Monica: What is it? What about Pete?
Phoebe: I don't know. [Phoebe points her finger at Monica]
Monica: Okay, I feel like I'm talking to Lassie.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: That's Yasmine Bleeth. She's a completely different kind of chick. I love you both. But in very different ways.

Quote from Monica

Monica: I don't believe this. Wow, look at this refrigerator. It's gigantic. I could live in this thing. I'd be cold, but I'm always cold.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Okay, you'd tell me the truth, right?
Ross: Rach, you can't look fat in an x-ray.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Now, when you come back, I hope you remember that that chick is not a toy.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: So after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen?
Phoebe: About three months.
Chandler: Okay. So I guess that's about two weeks before the topless thing kicks in.

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