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‘The One with the Dirty Girl’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Friends: The One with the Dirty Girl

406. The One with the Dirty Girl

Aired November 6, 1997

Ross starts dating a new woman and is shocked by the state of her apartment. When Monica and Phoebe cater a funeral, the widow tries to avoid paying them. After Chandler finds the perfect birthday present for Kathy, he pushes Joey to get her a better gift.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: I had to turn down a job catering a funeral for 60 people.
Rachel: Oh, my God. What happened?
Monica: Sixty guests.

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Quote from Gunther

Rachel: Oh, I did it. I finished it. I did it all by myself. And there's nobody to hug.
[After clattering in the back of the coffee shop, Gunther runs out]
Gunther: Move! [trips over a guy]

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: How did the catering job go?
Monica: It was great. The widow wouldn't pay, so Phoebe yelled at her till she did.
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm a hard-ass.
Monica: And I'm a wuss. We should be partners.
Phoebe: Yeah, hard-ass and wuss. We could fight crime.
Monica: Wait a minute, Phoebe. We should be partners. We should be catering partners. I mean, think about it. You're not working now, and we have such a great time together. I can cook and you can take care of the money.
Phoebe: Oh, it'll be like I have a wife in the '50s.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Hi. You don't know me. I'm Monica Geller, Ross's sister.
Cheryl: Oh, yeah. It's too bad that didn't work out.
Monica: Anyway, he told me about your apartment. And, well, I couldn't sleep thinking about it. So would it be okay if I cleaned it? [Cheryl slams the door] No? [Monica starts cleaning the door frame]

Quote from Rachel

Chandler: Actually, this is for Kathy's birthday. It's an early copy of her favorite book.
Rachel: Oh, The Velveteen Rabbit. Oh my God, when the boy's love makes the rabbit real.
Chandler: Okay, but don't touch it because your fingers have destructive oils.
Rachel: Then you'd better keep it away from Ross's hair.

Quote from Joey

Kathy: Thank you for the book.
Chandler: The book?
Kathy: The Velveteen Rabbit? I kind of have a feeling you had something to do with it.
Chandler: What do you mean?
Kathy: Well, when Joey gave it to me he said: "This is 'cause I know you like rabbits, and I know you like cheese."

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: So what is she, like a spokesmodel? An aerobics instructor?
Ross: Actually, she's a paleontology doctoral candidate specializing in the Cenozoic Era.
Chandler: Okay. But that's, like, the easiest era.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I've seen her at work, but I always figured. But I made her dinner. We had a great time.
And we're going out again tomorrow.
Rachel: Maybe she and her friends are having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
Ross: Fine by me. Hope she wins.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: So this is pretty rare. How did you get that?
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to some bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers, called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Rachel: Honey, that's so sweet.
Phoebe: Yeah, and what a great way to say, "l secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend."

Quote from Ross

Ross: How do you think it's going to look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive, and her boyfriend, Joey, gives her an orange?

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: I'll just make sure Joey gets her something really great.
Phoebe: It's got to be better than that book. Ooh, like a crossbow!

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: So, why'd you have to turn it down?
Monica: Because I don't have the money or equipment to handle something that big on such short notice. I mean there's no way.
Phoebe: Wow, what is with all the negativity? You sound like "Moni-can't," not "Moni-can"! Moni-ca.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: How'd it go?
Monica: Oh, my God. It was, like, the best funeral ever. Everyone loved the food. And guess what, I even got another funeral for tomorrow. The dead guy from today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Look, I'm an omelet station. Omelet? Made to order?
Phoebe: I'll have one, please. Plus my money.
Monica: Oh. I didn't realize you needed it back right away. You told me to go and be a caterer.
So I went. I be'd. I used it to buy all this stuff. I got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back then.
Phoebe: Okay. Sorry I acted like a bank.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: You know what we should all do? Go see a musical.
Chandler: Sure.
Rachel: You know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony Award winner. I mean, that one's gotta be good. Do you happen to know the name of that one?
Chandler: I don't know. Grease? Rent?
Rachel: Yes! Rent!
Chandler: Okay, so when do you want to go?
Rachel: What? Oh, I'm sorry. I can't, I'm busy.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: What did you get her?
Chandler: A pen?
Joey: It's two gifts in one. It's a pen that's also a clock.
Chandler: You can't give her that.
Joey: Why not?
Chandler: Because she's not 11. And it's not the seventh night of Chanukah.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: What he means by that is, while this is a very nice gift, maybe it's just not something a boyfriend gives.
Joey: Sure it is. She needs a pen for work. She's writing. She turns it over. "Whoa, it's time for my date with Joey."

Quote from Joey

Chandler: All right. Look. What did you get for Angela Del Veccio's birthday?
Joey: She didn't have a birthday when were going out.
Chandler: For three years?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I know, it's tough. You know what the first thing I did after my mom's funeral was?
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Pay the caterer!

Quote from Ross

Joey: So you just left? Her place was really that bad?
Ross: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day. Well like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time and garbage is all that has survived.

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