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‘The One with the Dirty Girl’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Dirty Girl

406. The One with the Dirty Girl

Aired November 6, 1997

Ross starts dating a new woman and is shocked by the state of her apartment. When Monica and Phoebe cater a funeral, the widow tries to avoid paying them. After Chandler finds the perfect birthday present for Kathy, he pushes Joey to get her a better gift.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: I had to turn down a job catering a funeral for 60 people.
Rachel: Oh, my God. What happened?
Monica: Sixty guests.

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Quote from Gunther

Rachel: Oh, I did it. I finished it. I did it all by myself. And there's nobody to hug.
[After clattering in the back of the coffee shop, Gunther runs out]
Gunther: Move! [trips over a guy]

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: How did the catering job go?
Monica: It was great. The widow wouldn't pay, so Phoebe yelled at her till she did.
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm a hard-ass.
Monica: And I'm a wuss. We should be partners.
Phoebe: Yeah, hard-ass and wuss. We could fight crime.
Monica: Wait a minute, Phoebe. We should be partners. We should be catering partners. I mean, think about it. You're not working now, and we have such a great time together. I can cook and you can take care of the money.
Phoebe: Oh, it'll be like I have a wife in the '50s.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Hi. You don't know me. I'm Monica Geller, Ross's sister.
Cheryl: Oh, yeah. It's too bad that didn't work out.
Monica: Anyway, he told me about your apartment. And, well, I couldn't sleep thinking about it. So would it be okay if I cleaned it? [Cheryl slams the door] No? [Monica starts cleaning the door frame]

Quote from Rachel

Chandler: Actually, this is for Kathy's birthday. It's an early copy of her favorite book.
Rachel: Oh, The Velveteen Rabbit. Oh my God, when the boy's love makes the rabbit real.
Chandler: Okay, but don't touch it because your fingers have destructive oils.
Rachel: Then you'd better keep it away from Ross's hair.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: So what is she, like a spokesmodel? An aerobics instructor?
Ross: Actually, she's a paleontology doctoral candidate specializing in the Cenozoic Era.
Chandler: Okay. But that's, like, the easiest era.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I've seen her at work, but I always figured. But I made her dinner. We had a great time.
And we're going out again tomorrow.
Rachel: Maybe she and her friends are having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
Ross: Fine by me. Hope she wins.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: So this is pretty rare. How did you get that?
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to some bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers, called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Rachel: Honey, that's so sweet.
Phoebe: Yeah, and what a great way to say, "l secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend."

Quote from Ross

Ross: How do you think it's going to look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive, and her boyfriend, Joey, gives her an orange?

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: I'll just make sure Joey gets her something really great.
Phoebe: It's got to be better than that book. Ooh, like a crossbow!

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: So, why'd you have to turn it down?
Monica: Because I don't have the money or equipment to handle something that big on such short notice. I mean there's no way.
Phoebe: Wow, what is with all the negativity? You sound like "Moni-can't," not "Moni-can"! Moni-ca.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: How'd it go?
Monica: Oh, my God. It was, like, the best funeral ever. Everyone loved the food. And guess what, I even got another funeral for tomorrow. The dead guy from today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Look, I'm an omelet station. Omelet? Made to order?
Phoebe: I'll have one, please. Plus my money.
Monica: Oh. I didn't realize you needed it back right away. You told me to go and be a caterer.
So I went. I be'd. I used it to buy all this stuff. I got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back then.
Phoebe: Okay. Sorry I acted like a bank.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: You know what we should all do? Go see a musical.
Chandler: Sure.
Rachel: You know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony Award winner. I mean, that one's gotta be good. Do you happen to know the name of that one?
Chandler: I don't know. Grease? Rent?
Rachel: Yes! Rent!
Chandler: Okay, so when do you want to go?
Rachel: What? Oh, I'm sorry. I can't, I'm busy.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: What did you get her?
Chandler: A pen?
Joey: It's two gifts in one. It's a pen that's also a clock.
Chandler: You can't give her that.
Joey: Why not?
Chandler: Because she's not 11. And it's not the seventh night of Chanukah.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: What he means by that is, while this is a very nice gift, maybe it's just not something a boyfriend gives.
Joey: Sure it is. She needs a pen for work. She's writing. She turns it over. "Whoa, it's time for my date with Joey."

Quote from Joey

Chandler: All right. Look. What did you get for Angela Del Veccio's birthday?
Joey: She didn't have a birthday when were going out.
Chandler: For three years?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I know, it's tough. You know what the first thing I did after my mom's funeral was?
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Pay the caterer!

Quote from Ross

Joey: So you just left? Her place was really that bad?
Ross: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day. Well like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time and garbage is all that has survived.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, I just spent the entire afternoon looking for a present for Kathy that would be better than the rabbit.
Rachel: Any luck?
Chandler: Oh yeah. I found this great place called "lnvisible Things for Kathy." Can you give me a hand with all this stuff?

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, I'm meeting Kathy in ten minutes. I've been looking all over for you.
Chandler: Where?
Joey: Our place. The hall.
Chandler: I got something for her. [Joey shakes the present] It's a book.
Joey: A book? Oh, is it a book that's also a safe?
Chandler: No, it's a book that's just a book. It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So just let me know if she likes it, okay?
Joey: You got it. Thanks, man. Thanks for doing this. I owe you one. Oh, hey, there wasn't any change from that twenty, was there?
Chandler: No, it came out to an even twenty.
Joey: Wow. That's almost as much as a new book.

Quote from Joey

Kathy: Thank you for the book.
Chandler: The book?
Kathy: The Velveteen Rabbit? I kind of have a feeling you had something to do with it.
Chandler: What do you mean?
Kathy: Well, when Joey gave it to me he said: "This is 'cause I know you like rabbits, and I know you like cheese."

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey, we're not leaving until we get paid. I don't know who she thinks she is. I was talking to the florist. She didn't get paid either. Or the limo driver. Or the priest, and he can get the dead guy damned for all eternity.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Look, I've had a lot of jobs. And there are some people who always try to get out of paying. It's either, you know, "That massage wasn't long enough" or "l don't know any of those songs" or "These sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!"


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