Monica: I had to turn down a job catering a funeral for 60 people.
Rachel: Oh, my God. What happened?
Monica: Sixty guests.

Rachel: How did the catering job go?
Monica: It was great. The widow wouldn't pay, so Phoebe yelled at her till she did.
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm a hard-ass.
Monica: And I'm a wuss. We should be partners.
Phoebe: Yeah, hard-ass and wuss. We could fight crime.
Monica: Wait a minute, Phoebe. We should be partners. We should be catering partners. I mean, think about it. You're not working now, and we have such a great time together. I can cook and you can take care of the money.
Phoebe: Oh, it'll be like I have a wife in the '50s.

Chandler: Actually, this is for Kathy's birthday. It's an early copy of her favorite book.
Rachel: Oh, The Velveteen Rabbit. Oh my God, when the boy's love makes the rabbit real.
Chandler: Okay, but don't touch it because your fingers have destructive oils.
Rachel: Then you'd better keep it away from Ross's hair.

Rachel: Oh, I did it. I finished it. I did it all by myself. And there's nobody to hug.
[After clattering in the back of the coffee shop, Gunther runs out]
Gunther: Move! [trips over a guy]

Monica: Hi. You don't know me. I'm Monica Geller, Ross's sister.
Cheryl: Oh, yeah. It's too bad that didn't work out.
Monica: Anyway, he told me about your apartment. And, well, I couldn't sleep thinking about it. So would it be okay if I cleaned it? [Cheryl slams the door] No? [Monica starts cleaning the door frame]

Rachel: So what is she, like a spokesmodel? An aerobics instructor?
Ross: Actually, she's a paleontology doctoral candidate specializing in the Cenozoic Era.
Chandler: Okay. But that's, like, the easiest era.

Ross: I've seen her at work, but I always figured. But I made her dinner. We had a great time.
And we're going out again tomorrow.
Rachel: Maybe she and her friends are having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
Ross: Fine by me. Hope she wins.

Rachel: So this is pretty rare. How did you get that?
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to some bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers, called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Rachel: Honey, that's so sweet.
Phoebe: Yeah, and what a great way to say, "l secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend."

Ross: So, why'd you have to turn it down?
Monica: Because I don't have the money or equipment to handle something that big on such short notice. I mean there's no way.
Phoebe: Wow, what is with all the negativity? You sound like "Moni-can't," not "Moni-can"! Moni-ca.

Rachel: How'd it go?
Monica: Oh, my God. It was, like, the best funeral ever. Everyone loved the food. And guess what, I even got another funeral for tomorrow. The dead guy from today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident.