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‘The One with Mrs. Bing’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Mrs. Bing

111. The One with Mrs. Bing

Aired January 5, 1995

Chandler is uncomfortable when his mother, who writes trashy romance novels, comes to town. Meanwhile, Ross is down about Rachel's burgeoning romance with Paulo, and Monica and Phoebe compete to care for a guy who ended up in a coma as a result of their wolf whistle.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Do you think they have yesterday's Daily News?
Monica: Why?
Phoebe: I just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.

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Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?

Quote from Chandler

Jay Leno: [on TV] Don't take this wrong, I just don't see you as a mom. I don't mean that in a bad-
Nora Bing: [on TV]Oh, no. I'm a fabulous mom. I bought my son his first condoms.
Chandler: And then he burst into flames.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have got to tell you, I have read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Nora Bing: Oh, please, honey. Listen, if I can do it, anybody can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia and, bam, you have got yourself a book.
Chandler: My mother, Iadies and gentlemen.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Is Chandler here?
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: Wait, come here. [pulls Joey out into the hallway] Okay, about Iast night. You know, Chandler. You didn't tell? Okay, because I'm thinking we don't need to tell Chandler. It was just a kiss. One kiss. No big deal, right?
Joey: Right. No big deal. In bizarro world. You broke the code.
Ross: What code?
Joey: You don't kiss your friend's mom. Sisters are okay. Maybe a hot-Iooking aunt. But not a mom. Never a mom!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Ross, how could you Iet this happen?
Ross: I don't know. It's not Iike she's a regular mom. She's sexy. She's-
Joey: You don't think my mom's sexy?
Ross: Well, not in the same way.
Joey: Hey. I'II have you know, GIoria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day. All right? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Ross: Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here.

Quote from Joey

Monica: What are you guys doing here?
Joey: Uh, he's not even wearing a jock strap.
Monica: What did I ask?

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Oh, my God.
Ross: You're my friend. I had to tell you.
Chandler: I can't believe it. Paolo kissed my mom?
Ross: Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink. I mean, you know how he gets- I can't do this. I did it. It was me. I'm sorry. I kissed your mom.
Chandler: What?
Ross: I was really upset about Rachel and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora - Mrs.
Mom, your Bing - was just being nice. But nothing happened. Nothing. Ask Joey. Joey came in-
Chandler: You knew about this?
Joey: You know, knowledge is a tricky thing.
Chandler: I spent the entire day with you. Why didn't you tell me?
Joey: Hey, hey, hey. You're Iucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what would've happened?
Ross: Thanks, man. Big help.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: What the hell were you thinking?
Ross: I wasn't. I don't know.
Chandler: Of all my friends, no one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
Ross: I know.
Chandler: I can't believe you did this.
Ross: Chandler.
Joey: Me neither.
Chandler: I'm still mad at you for not telling me.
Joey: Why are you mad at me?
Chandler: Let me slam the door.
Joey: Chandler, I didn't kiss her. He did. [to Ross] See what happens when you break the code?

Quote from Rachel

Monica: "A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Greene."
Rachel: I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm on the first chapter. Now, do you think his "Iove stick" can be "Iiberated from its denim prison"?
Monica: Yeah, I'd say so. And there's no "J " in "engorged."

Quote from Joey

Joey: And here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now, you tell me she's not a knockout.
Ross: I can not believe we're having this conversation.
Joey: Come on. Just try to picture her not pregnant. That's all.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: You kissed my best Ross. Or something to that effect.

Quote from Joey

Joey: He told her off. And not just about the kiss.
Ross: You're kidding?
Joey: No, no. He said, "When are you grow up and start being a mom?" Then she came back with: "The question is, when are you grow up and gonna realize I have a bomb?"
Ross: Are you sure she didn't say: "When are you gonna grow up and realize I am your mom?"
Joey: That makes more sense.
Ross: You think? So, what's going on now?
Joey: I don't know. I've been standing here spelling it out for you.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Now, this is just the first chapter and I want your absolute honest opinion. Okay?
And on page two, he's not reaching for her "heaving beasts."
Monica: What's a "niffle"?
Joey: You can usually find them on the heaving beasts.
Rachel: All right, all right. Okay, so I'm not a great typist.
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his "huge, throbbing pens"? Tell you, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those.
Rachel: That's it. Give them back.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I know. I hate that they are calling him John Doe. How sad! It's like he's a deer, a female deer… [Monica stops Phoebe from singing] Oh. I was going to stop.


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