TV Quotes

Phoebe: Do you think they have yesterday's Daily News?
Monica: Why?
Phoebe: I just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.

Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?

Jay Leno: [on TV] Don't take this wrong, I just don't see you as a mom. I don't mean that in a bad-
Nora Bing: [on TV] Oh, no. I'm a fabulous mom. I bought my son his first condoms.
Chandler: And then he burst into flames.

Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have got to tell you, I have read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Nora Bing: Oh, please, honey. Listen, if I can do it, anybody can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia and, bam, you have got yourself a book.
Chandler: My mother, Iadies and gentlemen.

Ross: Is Chandler here?
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: Wait, come here. [pulls Joey out into the hallway] Okay, about Iast night. You know, Chandler. You didn't tell? Okay, because I'm thinking we don't need to tell Chandler. It was just a kiss. One kiss. No big deal, right?
Joey: Right. No big deal. In bizarro world. You broke the code.
Ross: What code?
Joey: You don't kiss your friend's mom. Sisters are okay. Maybe a hot-Iooking aunt. But not a mom. Never a mom!

Joey: Ross, how could you Iet this happen?
Ross: I don't know. It's not Iike she's a regular mom. She's sexy. She's-
Joey: You don't think my mom's sexy?
Ross: Well, not in the same way.
Joey: Hey. I'II have you know, GIoria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day. All right? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Ross: Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here.

Monica: What are you guys doing here?
Joey: Uh, he's not even wearing a jock strap.
Monica: What did I ask?

Chandler: Oh, my God.
Ross: You're my friend. I had to tell you.
Chandler: I can't believe it. Paolo kissed my mom?
Ross: Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink. I mean, you know how he gets- I can't do this. I did it. It was me. I'm sorry. I kissed your mom.
Chandler: What?
Ross: I was really upset about Rachel and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora - Mrs.
Mom, your Bing - was just being nice. But nothing happened. Nothing. Ask Joey. Joey came in-
Chandler: You knew about this?
Joey: You know, knowledge is a tricky thing.
Chandler: I spent the entire day with you. Why didn't you tell me?
Joey: Hey, hey, hey. You're Iucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what would've happened?
Ross: Thanks, man. Big help.

Chandler: What the hell were you thinking?
Ross: I wasn't. I don't know.
Chandler: Of all my friends, no one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
Ross: I know.
Chandler: I can't believe you did this.
Ross: Chandler.
Joey: Me neither.
Chandler: I'm still mad at you for not telling me.
Joey: Why are you mad at me?
Chandler: Let me slam the door.
Joey: Chandler, I didn't kiss her. He did. [to Ross] See what happens when you break the code?

Monica: "A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Greene."
Rachel: I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm on the first chapter. Now, do you think his "Iove stick" can be "Iiberated from its denim prison"?
Monica: Yeah, I'd say so. And there's no "J " in "engorged."