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‘The One with the Morning After’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Morning After

316. The One with the Morning After

Aired February 20, 1997

The night after Ross and Rachel's big fight, he wakes up to another woman in his bed. After Rachel calls him hoping to patch things up, Ross tries to keep her from finding out about his one-night-stand.

Quote from Gunther

Ross: Gunther! Gunther! Gunther, please tell me you didn't say anything to Rachel about me and the girl from the copy place.
Gunther: I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to?

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Quote from Rachel

Ross: It was a mistake. I made a mistake, okay?
Rachel: A mistake? What were you trying to put it in? Her purse?

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: Now, what is Fabutech?
Monica: Don't judge me too much, okay? But I saw this infomercial, and I swear I have never, ever bought anything on TV before. Except for this mop. But there was this stuff on leg-waxing, it just looked so amazing.
Phoebe: Waxine!
Monica: Yes. Have you seen it?
Phoebe: It's incredible. I so want to be a Waxine Girl.
Monica: I know!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: It's Phoebe. Listen, someone's gonna have to take my 9:00 with Mr. Rehak ... because it's, like, 9:15 now, and I'm not there.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: You broke up?
Rachel: Yeah, but it's okay because when Ross left, Mark came over.
Monica: Oh, Rachel, no. You and Mark?
Rachel: It's okay. Calm down. Mark and I talked and I realized how much I love your stupid brother. And, yeah we got our problems, but I really wanna make it work.

Quote from Ross

Chloe: Wait, where are my shoes?
Ross: Do you need shoes?
Chloe: Do I know why we're rushing?
Ross: You know my girlfriend? It turns out that she wants to get back together with me. I found it.
Chloe: That's so great for you guys. You must be so happy.
Ross: Yes. Yes, I am. One of the many things I'm feeling.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey. Why are you mopping your ceiling?
Monica: There's banana on it.
Phoebe: Wow. I have the spirit of an old lndian woman living in mine.
Monica: So, then, you know.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Do you think it really doesn't hurt? Because how can they do that?
Monica: Hello. Organic substances recently discovered in the depths of the rain forest?
Phoebe: They have the best stuff in there.

Quote from Ross

Chandler: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Joey: We figured when we couldn't find you, you'd gone to make up with Rachel. Which is probably what you should have done.
Ross: You think?

Quote from Chandler

Ross: I mean, what am I gonna do? Rachel's all "I love you," and all I can think about is what is she gonna do when I tell her what I did?
Chandler: Well, before we answer that. I think we should address the more important question, how dumb are you?

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: "After applying the Waxine and linen strips to leg number one-"
Monica: Did that.
Phoebe: "Grasp the linen strip by its tab and pull it off in one quick, pain-free motion."
[Monica pulls a strip and screams]
Phoebe: Was it not "pain-free"?
Monica: No, it was pain-ful! Oh, my God. They should call it "Pain-zine, now with a little wax."
Phoebe: Well, the girls in the satin nighties on the commercial don't seem to think it's that bad.
Monica: That's because their nerves are probably deadened from being so stupid.

Quote from Monica

Monica: But you know, if you don't believe me, please, be my guest.
[Phoebe pulls a strip and screams]
Phoebe: Ow, ow, ow, ow. Oh my God!
Monica: Now are you glad we didn't start with the bikini strips?

Quote from Ross

Ross: But see, I happen to have a girlfriend.
Isaac: Right. That Rachel chick from the coffee place.
Ross: That's the one. Listen, I don't want to hurt her.
Isaac: Oh, I know. It doesn't matter how much we love them. Monogamy is too cruel a rule.
Ross: Listen, can you keep this information to yourself?
Isaac: No problem. We gotta look out for each other. We're the same, you and me.
Ross: Actually, no, we're not.
Isaac: Yeah, we are.
Ross: No, we're not.
Isaac: Yeah, we are.
Ross: No, we're not.
Isaac: Okay, we're not.
Ross: Right.
Isaac: But we are.
Ross: Fine. I just need to know that you're not going to tell your sister.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Jasmine? We met at Phoebe's birthday party. I'm Ross Geller.
Jasmine: You did a bad thing!
Ross: Yes, I did.
Jasmine: Very bad!
Ross: Very bad.
Jasmine: Very, very bad!
Ross: I'm agreeing with you. Listen, did you happen to tell Phoebe yet?
Jasmine: No.
Ross: Okay, Jasmine, please. Please don't. I love my girlfriend very much and I want nothing more than to work it out with her.
Jasmine: All right.
Ross: Thank you. Thank you.
Jasmine: But you should probably talk to my roommate. Because I told him, and he knows Phoebe too.
Ross: Who's your roommate?

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: We're all right.
Monica: It's okay. It's okay. We were just waxing our legs.
Chandler: Off?
Phoebe: For your information, this is a pain like no man will ever experience.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I don't think you can make that statement unless you've been kicked in an area that God only meant to be treated nicely.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I think women just have a lower threshold for pain than men, that's all. I mean, come on, it's just a little wax.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah? Come here.
Chandler: Oh, that's mature.
Joey: Okay, fine. So now what, I just pull it off?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Monica: That's right.
Joey: [whimpers]

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Where did he put it?
Rachel: Ross, you had sex with another woman!
[Phoebe gasps]
Monica: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: I knew something had to be wrong because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Well, I guess they had a fight, and he got drunk-
Monica: [gasps] You guys knew about this and didn't tell us?
Chandler: He has sex and we get hit in our heads!

Quote from Joey

Ross: I want to stay and talk about this.
Rachel: All right. How was she?
Ross: What?
Rachel: Was she good?
Joey: [in the bedroom] Don't answer that.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: And yet she was worth jeopardizing our relationship.
Ross: Look, I didn't think there was a relationship to jeopardize. I thought we had broken up.
Rachel: We were on a break.
Ross: That, for all I knew, could last forever. That to me is a breakup.
Rachel: You think you're gonna get out of this on a technicality?
Ross: I'm not trying to "get out" of anything. I thought our relationship was dead.
Rachel: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: [in the bedroom] I think we can go out. They have other things to worry about.
Joey: [in the bedroom] Yeah, we'll be fine.
Ross: Rachel, I wanted to tell you. I thought I should, I did. And then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
Chandler: [in the bedroom] Wax the door shut. We're never leaving.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: We could eat the wax. It's organic.
Chandler: Oh, great. Food with hair on it.
Phoebe: No, not the used wax.
Chandler: Because that would be crazy?

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Hey, could I get in on that? Because I'm kind of hungry myself.
Rachel: Fine. [on the phone] Hi. Yes, I'd like to order a large pizza.
Ross: No anchovies.
Rachel: With extra anchovies.
Ross: That's okay. I'll just pick them off.
Rachel: Yeah, and could you just chop some up and put it right in the sauce?

Quote from Rachel

Ross: You can have the last piece if you want.
Rachel: Well, I should think so. You slept with someone.

Quote from Joey

Joey: You think I need a new walk?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Well, you know, I've been walking the same way since high school. You know how some guys walk into a room and everybody takes notice? I think I need a take-notice walk.
Chandler: Are you actually saying these words?

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Hey, it's 3 a.m. They don't know that I've come home yet. You notice how they neither one of them is wondering where I am?
Phoebe: Yeah. You know, people can be so self-involved.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Is that your new walk?
Joey: No, I really have to pee.


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