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‘The One Where Old Yeller Dies’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Old Yeller Dies

220. The One Where Old Yeller Dies

Aired April 4, 1996

Phoebe starts questioning everywhing when she learns that her mother stopped her from seeing the tragic ending to the film Old Yeller. Meanwhile, Monica is jealous when Richard starts hanging out with Chandler and Joey, while Ross looks after Ben for a whole weekend.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Look, it's the artist formerly known as Chandler.
Chandler: I'm just trying something here, you know?
Monica: Joey, why didn't you grow a mustache?
Joey: We flipped for it. I got the cigar, he got the mustache. We figured if we both grew them, we'd look like dorks.
Ross: Yeah, you really sidestepped that land mine.

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Quote from Phoebe

Monica: You wanna feel better?
Phoebe: Here. Watch this.
Phoebe: "It's a Wonderful Life." Yes, I've heard of this.
Monica: So you can't lose. It's there in the title. Wonderfulness is baked right in.
Phoebe: Please, I almost fell for that with Pride of the Yankees. I thought I was going to see a film about Yankee pride. But then boom! The guy gets Lou Gehrig's disease.
Richard: Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kind of see it coming?

Quote from Chandler

Richard: Could that shot be any prettier?
Joey: Man, you are incredible.
Richard: Well, we had a table in college.
Chandler: Really? I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800s.
Richard: Nice mustache, by the way. When puberty hits, that thing's really going to kick in.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey, what you guys doing?
Richard: Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.
Phoebe: Why are you guys so upset? It's Old Yeller. It's a happy movie.
Rachel: What?
Ross: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: Come on. Happy family gets a dog. Frontier fun.
Ross: Yeah, but Pheebs, what about the end?
Phoebe: What, when Yeller saves the family and everyone's happy?
Rachel: That's not the end.
Phoebe: Yeah-huh. That's when my mother would shut off the TV and say, "The end."
Monica: What about when he has rabies?
Phoebe: He doesn't have rabies. He has babies. That's what my mom said.
Richard: Phoebe, I don't think your mom would want you to see what's about to happen.
Phoebe: Why? What's about to happen? I've never seen this part before; Hey, Travis, what you doing with that gun? Oh, no. No, no, Travis, put down the gun. No, no, he's your buddy. He's your Yeller. No! No, no. The end! The end! Okay, what kind of a sick doggy snuff film is this?

Quote from Carol

Carol: See, actually he is getting closer on the talking thing. He can't quite say "mama" yet, but once he said "Yemen."

Quote from Joey

Monica: Hey, have you guys eaten? Because Richard and l just finished, and we've got leftovers. Chicken and potatoes. What am I wearing? Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.
[Chandler, on the phone, and Joey rush into the apartment]
Joey: You know, one of these times, you'll going to really be naked and we're not going to come over.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Okay, I got a leg, three breasts and a wing.
Chandler: How do you find clothes that fit?

Quote from Chandler

Monica: I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game? [Chandler and Joey murmur] What?
Joey: I don't know.
Monica: Come on. He keeps his fingers to himself, and he's always minty fresh.
Chandler: Richard's really nice and everything. It's just that we just don't know him really well. Plus, he's old...er than some people. But younger than some buildings.

Quote from Joey

Monica: So what, he's a little older. Big deal. He's important to me. You know, if you ask him, he might take you in his Jag.
Joey: How do we say yes now and make it seem like we're not just doing it to ride in the cool car?
Chandler: Okay, this could be tough.
Joey: Okay, okay, okay. Monica, we'll bring him, but only if he takes the Jaguar.
Chandler: Ooh, you almost had it.

Quote from Ross

Ross: See, I don't believe this. I missed the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over. The first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet? Is he driving? Does he have a favorite liqueur?

Quote from Susan

Ross: I'm so sick of missing stuff. I want him for more than a day. I want him for a whole weekend. No, listen. I feel-
Susan: Fine.
Carol: That would be great.
Ross: Really? I had a whole speech prepared.
Susan: Oh, shoot, that would've been fun.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Hey, Pheebs, what you got there?
Phoebe: Love Story, Brian's Song and Terms of Endearment.
Monica: Wow. All you need now is The Killing Fields and some guacamole, and you got yourself a party.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I talked to my grandma about the Old Yeller incident and she said my mom used to not show us the ends of sad movies to shield us from the pain and sadness. You know, before she killed herself.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: What about when he tipped the guy who showed us to our seats? You never even saw the money. Hey, Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats.
Chandler: You're welcome. Hey, Joey, thanks for parking the car.
Joey: No problem. Hey, Chandler-
Chandler: I think they get it.
Joey: Okay.

Quote from Susan

Monica: So your first whole weekend without Ben, what are you guys going to doing?
Carol: We're going down to colonial Williamsburg.
Susan: Yeah, a woman I went to college just became the first female blacksmith down there.
Ross: Well, you know, they're a little behind the times in colonial Williamsburg.

Quote from Monica

Monica: With that mustache, doesn't Chandler remind you of Aunt Sylvia?
Ross: Thank you!

Quote from Ross

Ross: We're visiting. It's Ben and his dada. Dada. Can you say "dada"? Look, I'm gonna tell your mommies you said it, so you might as well try.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: No luck, huh?
Ross: No. A while ago, I got a "seh" out of him which I thought might turn into "seh-condary caregiver," but.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: What are you doing?
Rachel: I'm holding Ben.
Ross: Yeah, well, he's a baby, not a bomb. Just hold him like you'd hold a football.
Rachel: This is how I would hold a football.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Actually, I kind of think that we'll have two babies.
Rachel: Two? Two babies?
Ross: Yeah. You know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully, the girl will come first, so Ben here won't feel too competitive.
Rachel: Then what's gonna happen?
Ross: Well, we won't wanna raise kids in the city, so we'll probably move to Scarsdale.
Rachel: Scarsdale.
Ross: That way we'll be far enough from our parents so we don't have to see them all the time, but close enough that they can baby-sit whenever we want. And yes, I know the taxes are a little higher than Nassau County but the school system's supposedly great.
Rachel: Wow, that's great. Great. Okay, wow. You know what? I'm off my break now. So, here, you take this. And I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Oh, look at that. I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home. Or in Scarsdale. Hey, is that a door?

Quote from Phoebe

Richard: Hey, Pheebs. What's happening?
Phoebe: Murder, cancer, soccer teams eating each other in the Andes.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: So you watched the movies?
Phoebe: What is happening to the world? I mean. No, no, because E.T. Ieaves and Rocky loses.
Charlotte dies.
Richard: Charlotte who?
Phoebe: With the web. The spider. She dies. She has babies and dies. It's like, "Hey, welcome home from the hospital." Thud!

Quote from Monica

Monica: Then just go. Go Knicks.
Richard: Uh, it's the college playoffs.
Monica: Then, go Vassar.
Richard: They're not in it.
Monica: Okay, then just go.
Richard: Okay.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Why does this bother me so much? I'm not one of those people who wants to spend 24 hours a day together.
Phoebe: Sure.
Monica: He just doesn't have much free time. What do I do?
Phoebe: Does it matter? Ultimately you'll just die or divorce or have to blow your pet's head off.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Okay, listen. What we have is amazing. But I do not want everything decided for me. I spent my whole life like that. It's what I had with Barry. That was one of the reasons I left. I like not knowing right now. Sorry if that scares you, but if you wanna be with me, you're gonna have to deal with that.
Ross: Okay, fine.
Rachel: Thank you.
Ross: We're not done.
Rachel: I did not know that.
Ross: Okay, you're going to have to understand you're with a guy who's not going to stop planning his future with you because he knows we're gonna end up together. And if that scares you, tough! Because you're gonna have to deal with that.
Rachel: I will.
Ross: Good, because I love you.
Rachel: Oh, yeah? Well, I love you too.
Ross: Well, that's the first time we've said that.
Rachel: Yes, it is.
Ross: Well, I'm gonna kiss you.
Rachel: Well, you better.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Thanks for the great movie tip.
Monica: Did you like it?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. I don't know if I was happier when George Bailey destroyed the business or Donna Reed cried or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.
Monica: All right, I'll give you the ear thing, but didn't you think the ending was pretty wonderful?
Phoebe: I didn't watch the ending. I was too depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse. It should've been called: "It's a Sucky Life, And Just When You Think It Can't Suck Anymore, It Does!"

Quote from Chandler

Richard: You guys see me as a dad?
Joey: Oh, yeah!
Chandler: No!
Joey: No.
Chandler: You're just clearly not familiar with our young persons' vernacular. See, when we say "dad," we mean "buddy." We mean "pal." No, seriously. Joey's my dad. Monica's my dad. I've even got some dads down at work.
Richard: That's fine. Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic evening. And I guess I'll just see you kids around.

Quote from Monica

Monica: For a really cool guy, you suck at foosball.
Richard: What are you talking about? I was killing them.
Monica: Yeah, well they suck too.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Ross? Ben just said hi.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Ben just said hi.
Ross: What, the word "hi"?
Rachel: No, my Uncle Hi.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Okay, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape, and he does find him again. But, okay, before that happens, there's some pretty rough going for a while. But I think we can handle it. And there's just the alphabet, but we know that ends well, so. Here we go. [to Ben] I'm so glad you're here.


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