TV Quotes

Ross: Danger! Danger!
Rachel: What the hell was that?
Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi.
Phoebe: You're a freak!
Ross: Perhaps. Now, I'm curious. At what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
Rachel: All right, so we weren't prepared.
Ross: I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but I just want you guys to be safe.
[Monica opens the apartment door to take out the trash]
Ross: Danger! [Monica walks by unfazed] Ah, huh? Unagi.

Ross: All I'm saying is, it's one thing being prepared for an attack against, like, each other. It's a whole other story being prepared for an attack, like, I don't know- A surprise! All right, you knew that was coming, but that doesn't mean you have unagi.
Rachel: Ooh, you know what, if we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour.

Carl: Hey, Mon. Hey, Chan. Just getting a soda.
Monica: Who the hell are you?
Carl: I'm Joey. "How are you doing?"
Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no! How you doin'? Right? How you doin'? Damn it, Carl. Go wait in the hall.

Phoebe: Yeah, now we can kick anybody's ass.
Ross: After one class? I don't think so.
Rachel: You want to see me self-defend myself? Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator. Go on, I dare you.
Ross: Of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming. That's not enough. Look, I studied karate for a long time. And there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.
Rachel: Isn't that a kind of sushi?
Ross: No, it's a concept.
Phoebe: Yeah, it is. It's freshwater eel.
Ross: All right, maybe it means that too.
Rachel: Oh, I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now.
Ross: Fine, get attacked. I don't even care.

Chandler: Hey.
Ross: Chandler. I sensed it was you.
Chandler: What?
Ross: Unagi. I'm always aware.
Chandler: Okay. Are you aware that unagi is an eel?

Phoebe: Come on, Ross, we're sorry. Please tell us what it is.
Ross: Unagi is a state of total awareness. Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you.
Phoebe: You mean, in case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish?

Joey: Look, I've got to apologize on behalf of Carl.
Chandler: Who the hell is Carl?
Joey: Oh, did I not mention? Carl is a guy I hired to be my identical twin for a medical research project.
Chandler: You know, sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you. Aren't they?
Joey: I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. The only problem is Carl's acting.
Monica: The only problem?

Carl: Hey, can I get a little piece of that cake?
Joey: Pizza. We like pizza. Get out!

Phoebe: Why is Ross doing that?
Ross: Danger!
Rachel: Oh, my God. Why is he jumping on those women?
Phoebe: We should help them.
Rachel: Well, I don't think they need any help.
[Ross screams]

Phoebe and Rachel: Danger!
Ross: [high-pitched scream]
Rachel: Ah. Salmon-skin roll.

Joey: Hey, so, what's with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong?
Chandler: Twenty percent tip is pretty generous, Joe.
Joey: You know what's more generous than that? Fifty percent. You know what's even more generous than that?
Chandler: I see where you're going.

Chandler: I'm going crazy. Do you have anything around here that looks homemade?
Ross: Oh, you know what? She'd love this. It's an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.
Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say, "Your love sends me to the moon."
Ross: Except Apollo 8 didn't actually land on the moon. But you could write, "Your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely."
Chandler: Wait a minute. I can't give this to her.
Ross: Why not?
Chandler: Because it says "Captain Ross" on the side. And it says, "I hate Monica" on the bottom.

Ross: Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Yeah, what was I thinking?

Ross: What's up with the greed, Joe?
Joey: Right, I'm sorry, you guys. It's just, I have to get new head shots made, and they're really expensive, you know. I'm down to, like, three. Actually, two, because on one of them I kind of blackened some teeth. Why'd I do that?

Ross: Wait, don't you have an audition today? Maybe you'll get that job.
Joey: Oh, ha-ha-ha. Oh, wait a minute. I used to get medical experiments done on me.
Chandler: Ah, finally, an explanation.

Joey: No, I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Let's see. Uh, well, I don't want to donate sperm again. I really prefer doing that at the home office, you know. Maybe they want some of my blood or spit or something, huh?
Gunther: Joey?
Joey: Yeah.
Gunther: What did I tell you about talking to your friends while you're working?
Joey: Do it?
Gunther: That guy's been waiting for his coffee for 10 minutes. He's complained about you three times.
Joey: [takes a sip of the coffee] Now, where was l?

Chandler: Is Monica here?
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: I need help. I don't know what to get her for Valentine's Day.
Rachel: Well, Valentine's Day was two weeks ago, so I wouldn't get her a calendar.

Rachel: Oh, making things sounds so much fun.
Chandler: I thought so, until I papier-mached one of my eyes shut.
Phoebe: I love papier-mache. What did you make?
Chandler: I made a flar-lar-lar.
Phoebe: What is that?
Chandler: Nothing.

Joey: You sure there's no studies I could participate in?
Receptionist: Well, here's a schedule of what's coming up.
Joey: Thanks. Ooh, but this one starts now.
Receptionist: Oh, that one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible. It's a twin study.
Joey: But it's $2000!
Receptionist: Sorry.

Joey: How about this one? "Testing the Effects of Joey Tribbiani on Attractive Nurse Receptionists."
Receptionist: We already got the results back on that one and they're not good.