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‘The One with Unagi’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Unagi

617. The One with Unagi

Aired February 24, 2000

After Rachel and Phoebe take a self-defense class, Ross tries to teach them the art of "unagi". When Chandler and Monica's rescheduled Valentine's Day comes around, they have both forgotten to make each other gifts as promised. Elsewhere, Joey tries to earn some more money by joining a clinical research study on twins.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Danger! Danger!
Rachel: What the hell was that?
Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi.
Phoebe: You're a freak!
Ross: Perhaps. Now, I'm curious. At what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
Rachel: All right, so we weren't prepared.
Ross: I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but I just want you guys to be safe.
[Monica opens the apartment door to take out the trash]
Ross: Danger! [Monica walks by unfazed] Ah, huh? Unagi.

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Quote from Rachel

Ross: All I'm saying is, it's one thing being prepared for an attack against, like, each other. It's a whole other story being prepared for an attack, like, I don't know- A surprise! All right, you knew that was coming, but that doesn't mean you have unagi.
Rachel: Ooh, you know what, if we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour.

Quote from Joey

Carl: Hey, Mon. Hey, Chan. Just getting a soda.
Monica: Who the hell are you?
Carl: I'm Joey. "How are you doing?"
Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no! How you doin'? Right? How you doin'? Damn it, Carl. Go wait in the hall.

Quote from Ross

Phoebe: Yeah, now we can kick anybody's ass.
Ross: After one class? I don't think so.
Rachel: You want to see me self-defend myself? Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator. Go on, I dare you.
Ross: Of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming. That's not enough. Look, I studied karate for a long time. And there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.
Rachel: Isn't that a kind of sushi?
Ross: No, it's a concept.
Phoebe: Yeah, it is. It's freshwater eel.
Ross: All right, maybe it means that too.
Rachel: Oh, I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now.
Ross: Fine, get attacked. I don't even care.

Quote from Ross

Chandler: Hey.
Ross: Chandler. I sensed it was you.
Chandler: What?
Ross: Unagi. I'm always aware.
Chandler: Okay. Are you aware that unagi is an eel?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Come on, Ross, we're sorry. Please tell us what it is.
Ross: Unagi is a state of total awareness. Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you.
Phoebe: You mean, in case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish?

Quote from Joey

Joey: Look, I've got to apologize on behalf of Carl.
Chandler: Who the hell is Carl?
Joey: Oh, did I not mention? Carl is a guy I hired to be my identical twin for a medical research project.
Chandler: You know, sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you. Aren't they?
Joey: I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. The only problem is Carl's acting.
Monica: The only problem?

Quote from Joey

Carl: Hey, can I get a little piece of that cake?
Joey: Pizza. We like pizza. Get out!

Quote from Ross

Phoebe: Why is Ross doing that?
Ross: Danger!
Rachel: Oh, my God. Why is he jumping on those women?
Phoebe: We should help them.
Rachel: Well, I don't think they need any help.
[Ross screams]

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe and Rachel: Danger!
Ross: [high-pitched scream]
Rachel: Ah. Salmon-skin roll.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, so, what's with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong?
Chandler: Twenty percent tip is pretty generous, Joe.
Joey: You know what's more generous than that? Fifty percent. You know what's even more generous than that?
Chandler: I see where you're going.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I'm going crazy. Do you have anything around here that looks homemade?
Ross: Oh, you know what? She'd love this. It's an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.
Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say, "Your love sends me to the moon."
Ross: Except Apollo 8 didn't actually land on the moon. But you could write, "Your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely."
Chandler: Wait a minute. I can't give this to her.
Ross: Why not?
Chandler: Because it says "Captain Ross" on the side. And it says, "I hate Monica" on the bottom.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Yeah, what was I thinking?

Quote from Joey

Ross: What's up with the greed, Joe?
Joey: Right, I'm sorry, you guys. It's just, I have to get new head shots made, and they're really expensive, you know. I'm down to, like, three. Actually, two, because on one of them I kind of blackened some teeth. Why'd I do that?

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Wait, don't you have an audition today? Maybe you'll get that job.
Joey: Oh, ha-ha-ha. Oh, wait a minute. I used to get medical experiments done on me.
Chandler: Ah, finally, an explanation.

Quote from Joey

Joey: No, I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Let's see. Uh, well, I don't want to donate sperm again. I really prefer doing that at the home office, you know. Maybe they want some of my blood or spit or something, huh?
Gunther: Joey?
Joey: Yeah.
Gunther: What did I tell you about talking to your friends while you're working?
Joey: Do it?
Gunther: That guy's been waiting for his coffee for 10 minutes. He's complained about you three times.
Joey: [takes a sip of the coffee] Now, where was l?

Quote from Rachel

Chandler: Is Monica here?
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: I need help. I don't know what to get her for Valentine's Day.
Rachel: Well, Valentine's Day was two weeks ago, so I wouldn't get her a calendar.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Oh, making things sounds so much fun.
Chandler: I thought so, until I papier-mached one of my eyes shut.
Phoebe: I love papier-mache. What did you make?
Chandler: I made a flar-lar-lar.
Phoebe: What is that?
Chandler: Nothing.

Quote from Joey

Joey: You sure there's no studies I could participate in?
Receptionist: Well, here's a schedule of what's coming up.
Joey: Thanks. Ooh, but this one starts now.
Receptionist: Oh, that one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible. It's a twin study.
Joey: But it's $2000!
Receptionist: Sorry.

Quote from Joey

Joey: How about this one? "Testing the Effects of Joey Tribbiani on Attractive Nurse Receptionists."
Receptionist: We already got the results back on that one and they're not good.

Quote from Joey

Joey: [inner monologue] Two thousand bucks is a lot of money. Boy, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me?

Quote from Ross

Ross: What's up?
Chandler: I can't figure out what to make Monica.
Ross: Oh. Why don't you make her one of your little jokes?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, it's not wrapped because I just finished it. I just finished it. But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs.
Monica: What a great gift. Oh, is "The Way You Look Tonight" on it?
Chandler: Maybe. We'll have to listen and see.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: You know, Phoebe makes sock bunnies.
Monica: No, she doesn't. What she makes, they're sock rabbits. They're completely different.
Okay, okay. I didn't make it. I'm sorry. I totally forgot about tonight and that we're supposed to make the presents.
Chandler: No, it's okay-
Monica: No, it's not okay. It's not. I mean, you are so incredible. You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me. You know, I'm just going to make this up to you. I will.
I am going to cook you anything you want in here. And I'm going to do anything you want in there.
Chandler: Well, I did put a lot of thought into the tape.

Quote from Joey

Doctor: Can I have the next one, please? Thank you. Joey and Tony Tribbiani.
Joey: That's us.
Doctor: But this is a study for identical twins.
Joey: That's right. $2000.
Doctor: But you're not identical twins.
Joey: Damn it, Carl.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: "The Way You Look Tonight" is on here. Dance with me. You are just the sweetest.
Janice: [on tape] I love the way you look every night, Chandler. That's why I made you this tape.
Happy birthday. Love, Janice.
Chandler: No, you're the sweetest.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Great class.
Instructor: Thanks, man.
Ross: Yeah, yeah. I was watching. Um, hey. A couple of questions, though. You know that last move, where that woman tripped you and pinned you to the floor? What would you do next?
Instructor: Well, then she'd take her keys and try to jam them in your-
Ross: No, no. What would you do next?
Instructor: Who, me, the attacker?
Ross: Yes, that's right.
Instructor: Why?
Ross: I tried attacking two women. Did not work.
Instructor: What?
Ross: No, I mean, it's okay. They're my friends. In fact, I was married to one of them.
Instructor: Let me get this straight. You attacked your ex-wife?
Ross: Oh, no. No, no. I tried. But I couldn't. That's why I'm here. Maybe we could attack them together. So that's a no.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: I am so, so, so, so sorry.
Monica: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Oh. And I will cook anything you want in here. And do anything you want in there.
Monica: Yeah, you will. And are you kidding me?


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