Joey: What's the matter with you?
Rachel: I thought it was Chandler.
Chandler: What?
Rachel: You were supposed to be in there so I could see your thing!
Chandler: Sorry, my thing was in there with me.

Roger: I'm not at all surprised they feel that way.
Phoebe: You're not? You see, that's why you're so great.
Roger: Actually, it's quite typical behavior when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. You know, this kind of codependent, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffeehouse, with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them. And you're all like, "Oh, define me! Define me! Love me! I need love!"

Monica: Wait! Go back to that "sibling" thing.
Roger: Well, I don't know. It's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so the sibling would feel like less of a failure in the eyes of the parents.
Ross: [high-pitched squeal] That's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her failures.
Monica: Oh, so you think I'm a failure?
Phoebe: lsn't he good?
Ross: Yeah. No, that's not what I was saying.
Monica: You know, all these years I thought you were on my side. But maybe what you was doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so they'd keep liking you better.
Ross: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good!

Ross: All right, all right. We're all adults here. There's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think you're going to have to show her your pee-pee.
Chandler: You know, I don't see that happening.
Rachel: Come on, he's right. You know, tit for tat.
Chandler: Well, I'm not showing you my tat.

Rachel: And just think, in a couple of years, we get to turn into them.
Monica: Oh, please.
Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after 20-year-old boys, or I'll end up like my mom.

Roger: Hey, did I miss something?
Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.
Ross: What? What were you doing seeing her boobies?
Chandler: It was an accident. It's not like I was across across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.

Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny. I wouldn't wanna be there when the laughter stops.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa. Back up there, sparky. What did you mean by that?
Roger: Well, I don't know. It just seems that maybe you have intimacy issues. You know, that you use your humor as a way of keeping people at a distance.
Chandler: Huh.
Roger: I mean, hey, I just met you. I don't know you from Adam. Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty.
Chandler: Uh-huh. How did you know that?
Roger: It's textbook.

Joey Tribbiani Sr.: Your dad's in love. The worst part is, it's with two different women.
Joey: Oh, man! Please tell me one of them is Ma.

Joey: If you go to a hotel, you'll be doing stuff. I want you here so I can keep an eye on you.
Joey Tribbiani Sr.: You're gonna keep an eye on us?
Joey: Right. As long as you are under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. That means no sleeping with your girlfriend.
Ronni: Wow, he's strict

Chandler: Hey, kickie! What are you doing?
Joey: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear.
Chandler: Well, you're gonna.