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‘The One Where No One Proposes’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where No One Proposes

901. The One Where No One Proposes

Aired September 26, 2002

Joey struggles to find a moment to explain to Rachel that he did not actually propose to her. Meanwhile, Monica and Chandler keep searching for somewhere to conceive in the hospital, and Ross wants to talk to Rachel about getting back together.

Quote from Ross

Ross: But I don't understand how any of this happened. What, did she find the ring in my jacket, assume I was gonna propose, throw it on and just start telling people?
Phoebe: No, no. She said you actually proposed to her.
Ross: Well, I didn't. I didn't propose. Unless... Did I? I haven't slept in 40 hours. And it does sound like something I would do.

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Quote from Jack Geller

Chandler: Look, I just don't want you to think that we're animals who do it whenever we want.
Jack Geller: Well, I don't think that. Before today, I never thought of you two having sex at all. It was a simpler time.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Rachel thinks I asked her to marry me.
Chandler: What? Why does she think that?
Joey: Because it kind of looked like I did.
Chandler: Again, what?
Joey: Okay, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand-
Chandler: As we all are at some point during the day.
Joey: It wasn't my ring. It fell out of Ross's jacket and when I knelt down to pick it up, Rachel thought I was proposing.
Chandler: Ross had a ring? And he was gonna propose?
Joey: I guess.
Chandler: And you did it first? This is gonna kill him. You know how much he loves to propose.

Quote from Jack Geller

Monica: Isn't she beautiful?
Jack Geller: Look at her, my first grandchild.
Ross: What about Ben?
Jack Geller: Well, of course, Ben. I meant my first granddaughter. [mouths] Wow.

Quote from Jack Geller

Monica: The truth is, Dad, we're trying.
Jack Geller: What?
Monica: Yeah, we're trying to get pregnant.
Jack Geller: Oh, my God, this is so exciting. Well, get back in there. I'll guard the door!

Quote from Jack Geller

Jack Geller: This one time I had my knee up on the sink, and your mother was-
Monica: Daddy, I don't think we need to hear about the specific positions you and Mom had.
Jack Geller: You're right. You're right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child. Although it might feel good.
Monica: I don't feel good right now.
Jack Geller: But pleasure is important, and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. You up to the task, sailor?
Chandler: Seriously, sir, my brains, all over the wall.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Listen, I heard about the engagement.
Rachel: Surprised?
Ross: And confused. Rach, sweetie I didn't propose to you.
Rachel: I know.
Ross: I don't think you do.
Rachel: You didn't propose to me. Joey did.
Ross: Poor baby, you're so tired. Rach, I didn't propose to you. Joey didn't propose to you. And Chandler didn't propose to you.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something.
Rachel: Yeah. Actually, I kind of need to talk to you too.
Ross: Joey, could you give us a minute?
Joey: No.
Ross: What?
Joey: I'm sorry. I meant, "No."

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Dad, Emma's in the nursery. I'll take you now if you want. But I really want to talk to you.
Rachel: I know. I still need to talk to you.
Joey: Okay, but before you guys do that, I need to talk to you. And, Ross, I need to talk to you.
Phoebe: Oh, and I need to talk to you.
Monica: About what?
Phoebe: To see if you know what these guys are talking about.

Quote from Joey

Joey: What the hell am I gonna tell him?
Chandler: Maybe you don't have to tell him.
Joey: Ooh, I like that.
Chandler: Yeah. If you clear things up with Rachel, Ross never needs to find out. But you have to do it now before he hears about it and kicks your ass.
Joey: All right, let's not get carried away.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: I think I just got engaged.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. He did it? What?
Rachel: Did you know he was gonna ask me?
Phoebe: Are you kidding? I'm, like, the one who talked him into it. I like to think of myself as the puppet master of the group.
Rachel: And you really think this is a good idea?
Phoebe: I just talked him into it. Don't tell me I have to do you too? The puppet master gets tired, people.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: You know what? I'll come back later.
Ross: Wow. Kind of a full house here. I guess I'll just I'll come back.
Phoebe: There he goes. Your fiance.
Rachel: I guess so.
Phoebe: Although he does play with himself in his sleep.
Rachel: I can't say I'm surprised.

Quote from Ross

Jack Geller: Wanna peek?
Ross: No!
Jack Geller: Come on.
Ross: You know what? I don't like you without Mom.

Quote from Chandler

Jack Geller: Well, I'm peeking. Oh, my God!
Chandler: Hello, sir. You know Monica.

Quote from Ross

Phoebe: Congratulations. I didn't want to say anything in front of Joey because I didn't know if he knew yet.
Ross: What? That we had the baby? Now let's give him a little credit. Although he did eat a piece of plastic fruit earlier.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: No, no, that you and Rachel are engaged.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: Oh, it's a secret? Oh, goody. Yes. Ooh, we haven't done the secret thing in a long time.
Ross: Phoebe, there is no secret, okay? I didn't propose.
Phoebe: Are you lying? Is this like that time you tried to convince us you were a doctor?
Ross: I am a doctor.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Oh, my God. She thinks we're engaged! Why? Why, why would she think we're engaged?
Phoebe: Perhaps because you gave her an engagement ring? You know, Ross, doctors are supposed to be smart.
Ross: I didn't give her that ring.
Phoebe: You didn't?
Ross: No!
Phoebe: So whose ring is it?
Ross: It's mine.
Phoebe: Is it an engagement ring?
Ross: Yes.
Phoebe: But you didn't give it to her?
Ross: No.
Phoebe: But you were going to propose?
Ross: No!
Phoebe: I might be losing interest in this.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Look, my mom gave me that ring because she wanted me to propose to Rachel. But all I wanted to do was see if she maybe, kind of wanted to start things up again.
Phoebe: What beautiful lukewarm sentiment.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Look, we can't stay in here forever.
Monica: It's just- I still can't believe that my dad saw us having sex. He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: This is okay. We're all adults here. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Now, let's put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Hi, Dad. I can still call you that, right?
Jack Geller: Of course. I'll always be your dad.
Chandler: I just want you to know that what you witnessed in there, that wasn't for fun.
Monica: It wasn't fun?
Chandler: Why, why, why would you?

Quote from Jack Geller

Monica: That's okay, Dad, we can wait until later.
Jack Geller: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't think so. Aren't you ovulating?
Monica: Daddy!
Jack Geller: Well, you gotta get at it, princess. When your mother and I were trying to conceive you, whenever she was ovulating, bam, we did it. That's how I got my bad hip.
Chandler: That's funny. This conversation's how I got the bullet hole in my head.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: Oh, I need to tell you something.
Monica: Well, now's a good time. I'm on my way to have my ears cut off.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Joey, did you propose to her?
Joey: No.
Rachel: Yes, you did.
Joey: Actually, technically, I didn't.
Rachel: Well, then, why did you give me a ring?
Ross: Wait. You gave her the ring?
Joey: No. No, and I did not ask her to marry me.
Rachel: Yes, you did.
Joey: No, I didn't.
Rachel: Yes, you did.
Joey: No, I didn't.
Rachel: Yes, you did, and don't you say you didn't.
Joey: Argh.
Rachel: He was right there. He got down on one knee and he proposed.
Ross: Whoa. You were down on one knee?
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, that looks bad. But I didn't propose.
Ross: Then what did happen?
Rachel: Yeah, what did happen?
Joey: Okay, the ring fell on the floor, and I went down to pick it up and you thought I was proposing.
Rachel: Yeah, but you said, "Will you marry me?"
Joey: No, I didn't.
Rachel: Yes, you did.
Joey: No, I didn't.
Rachel: Yes, you did. [gasps] Oh, my God, you didn't.

Quote from Joey

Ross: I can't believe you told her I was gonna propose.
Joey: I can't believe you're not gonna propose.
Ross: Hey, I am not gonna rush into anything.
Joey: Oh, yeah, dude, I totally understand. Usually after I have a baby with a woman, I like to slow things down!


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