‘The One Where No One Proposes’
Season 9, Episode 1 - Aired September 26, 2002
Joey struggles to find a moment to explain to Rachel that he did not actually propose to her. Meanwhile, Monica and Chandler keep searching for somewhere to conceive in the hospital, and Ross wants to talk to Rachel about getting back together.
Quote from Ross
Ross: But I don't understand how any of this happened. What, did she find the ring in my jacket, assume I was gonna propose, throw it on and just start telling people?
Phoebe: No, no. She said you actually proposed to her.
Ross: Well, I didn't. I didn't propose. Unless... Did I? I haven't slept in 40 hours. And it does sound like something I would do.
Quote from Jack Geller
Chandler: Look, I just don't want you to think that we're animals who do it whenever we want.
Jack Geller: Well, I don't think that. Before today, I never thought of you two having sex at all. It was a simpler time.
Quote from Chandler
Joey: Rachel thinks I asked her to marry me.
Chandler: What? Why does she think that?
Joey: Because it kind of looked like I did.
Chandler: Again, what?
Joey: Okay, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand-
Chandler: As we all are at some point during the day.
Joey: It wasn't my ring. It fell out of Ross's jacket and when I knelt down to pick it up, Rachel thought I was proposing.
Chandler: Ross had a ring? And he was gonna propose?
Joey: I guess.
Chandler: And you did it first? This is gonna kill him. You know how much he loves to propose.
Quote from Jack Geller
Monica: The truth is, Dad, we're trying.
Jack Geller: What?
Monica: Yeah, we're trying to get pregnant.
Jack Geller: Oh, my God, this is so exciting. Well, get back in there. I'll guard the door!
Quote from Jack Geller
Monica: Isn't she beautiful?
Jack Geller: Look at her, my first grandchild.
Ross: What about Ben?
Jack Geller: Well, of course, Ben. I meant my first granddaughter. [mouths] Wow.
Quote from Jack Geller
Jack Geller: This one time I had my knee up on the sink, and your mother was-
Monica: Daddy, I don't think we need to hear about the specific positions you and Mom had.
Jack Geller: You're right. You're right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child. Although it might feel good.
Monica: I don't feel good right now.
Jack Geller: But pleasure is important, and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. You up to the task, sailor?
Chandler: Seriously, sir, my brains, all over the wall.
Quote from Ross
Ross: Listen, I heard about the engagement.
Rachel: Surprised?
Ross: And confused. Rach, sweetie I didn't propose to you.
Rachel: I know.
Ross: I don't think you do.
Rachel: You didn't propose to me. Joey did.
Ross: Poor baby, you're so tired. Rach, I didn't propose to you. Joey didn't propose to you. And Chandler didn't propose to you.
Quote from Chandler
Jack Geller: Well, I'm peeking. Oh, my God!
Chandler: Hello, sir. You know Monica.
Quote from Phoebe
Ross: Dad, Emma's in the nursery. I'll take you now if you want. But I really want to talk to you.
Rachel: I know. I still need to talk to you.
Joey: Okay, but before you guys do that, I need to talk to you. And, Ross, I need to talk to you.
Phoebe: Oh, and I need to talk to you.
Monica: About what?
Phoebe: To see if you know what these guys are talking about.
Quote from Joey
Joey: What the hell am I gonna tell him?
Chandler: Maybe you don't have to tell him.
Joey: Ooh, I like that.
Chandler: Yeah. If you clear things up with Rachel, Ross never needs to find out. But you have to do it now before he hears about it and kicks your ass.
Joey: All right, let's not get carried away.