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‘The One with Ross's Tan’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Friends: The One with Ross's Tan

1003. The One with Ross's Tan

Aired October 9, 2003

Rachel and Joey nervously try to spend their first evening together as a couple. Meanwhile, Monica and Phoebe seek to avoid an obnoxious old friend, and Ross has a spray tan disaster.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Wait a minute, there's no light on the back wall. How do I know when it's gonna start? Hello? My eyes!
The same thing happened again!
Tanning Salon Guy: You got two more twos?
Ross: I'm an eight!

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Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: You know what Amanda said when she called me? "Oh, so sorry to catch you on your mobile." If you didn't wanna get me on my mobile, then don't call me on my mobile.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Hi, Amanda. Actually, now is not a good time. Dinner tomorrow night? Okay, Phoebe and I will see you then.
Phoebe: Why? Why? Why didn't you just say no?
Monica: Well, I said no to her coming over now. I couldn't say no twice. I've got this uncontrollable need to please people.
Phoebe: Fine. Fine. You would not hold up well under torture.
Monica: Oh, and you would?
Phoebe: I did.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hold on. There's something different.
Ross: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.
Chandler: Was that place the sun?

Quote from Chandler

Ross: Oh, and it gets worse.
Chandler: Oh, my God, you can do a duet of "Ebony and Ivory" all by yourself.

Quote from Chandler

Amanda: Ooh, that accident must have been terrible. You look positively ghastly.
Chandler: Well, aren't you a treat.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: That fake British woman's a real bitch, but she sure can dance.

Quote from Ross

Ross: One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three- Wait, wait! I'm not- I'm not finished counting!
You sprayed my front twice!
Tanning Salon Guy: You never turned?
Ross: No! I barely even got to "three Mississippi".
Tanning Salon Guy: Mississippi? I said count to five.
Ross: Mississippi-less-ly?

Quote from Ross

Monica: How could you mess this up? It's so easy. You go in the booth, count to five and turn around.
Ross: How do you count to five?
Monica: One, two, three...
Ross: Damn it!

Quote from Phoebe

Amanda: Gosh, this is brilliant. Gosh, it's just like old times. I'm so happy you two are friends again.
Monica: When were we not friends?
Phoebe: Well, it was 1992. And I remember, because that was the year I had sex with Evel Knievel.
Monica: We were friends in 1992.
Amanda: No, I distinctly remember you were dodging her calls and trying to avoid seeing her.
Monica: You were going to cut me out?
Phoebe: Well, kind of.
Monica: Oh, my God!
Amanda: Oh, bugger. Should I not have said that? Urgh. I feel like a perfect arse.
Phoebe: Well, in America, you're just an ass.

Quote from Ross

Glenda: Now, let me explain how this works. You go into the booth and-
Ross: I'm gonna stop you right there, Glenda. Okay? Does it look like this is my first time? Now, I want four two's, and I want them all on my back.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Wait a minute. There's two sets of nozzles! Which one is it? Which one is it? Oh, son of a bitch!

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: And she always bragging about all the famous people she's met.
Phoebe: Oh, I know! "I slept with Billy Joel." All right, who hasn't?

Quote from Joey

Chandler: So you and Rachel tonight, huh?
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, it's actually our first official date.
Chandler: Wow, so tonight may be the night. You nervous?
Joey: No. This is the part I'm actually good at.
Chandler: What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-Ioathing?
Joey: It's okay.

Quote from Monica

Ross: I'm sorry, it's just- How'd you get so tan?
Chandler: She went to one of those spray-on tan places.
Ross: You got a spray-on tan?
Monica: Chandler gets pedicures.
Ross: What? You do? Like, with the toe separators?
Chandler: Why? Why?

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: You won't believe who moved back to town.
Monica: I know. Amanda. She called me too. She's the worst.
Chandler: Who's Amanda?
Monica: She's this girl who lived in the building before you did. Then she moved to England and picked up this fake British accent. On the machine, this is her message: "Monica, darling, it's Amanda calling."
Chandler: Are you trying to do a British accent?
Monica: Chandler gets pedicures.
Chandler: Just so I know, how many more of those can I expect?

Quote from Ross

Tanning Salon Guy: All right, Mr. Geller, right this way. So how dark do you wanna be? We have one, two or three.
Ross: Well, I like how you look. What are you?
Tanning Salon Guy: Puerto Rican.
Ross: Two. I think a two.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Well, how bad is it?
Tanning Salon Guy: Not that bad yet. But it keeps getting darker for the next four hours.
Ross: So how dark is it going to get?
Tanning Salon Guy: You got sprayed with two twos and-
Ross: I'm a four?
Tanning Salon Guy: Yeah, but your back's a zero. You're gonna wanna even that out.
Ross: Really?
Tanning Salon Guy: You might wanna get back in there.
Ross: Oh, okay!

Quote from Joey

Rachel: I'm sorry. Again, I don't know what happened. I must be nervous.
Joey: I don't get it. Chandler loved it.

Quote from Phoebe

Amanda: Hello, Monica. It's Amanda calling again. I'm in the neighborhood, hoping I could pop by your flat.
Monica: You're from Yonkers! Your last name is Buffamonteezi!
Amanda: Let's see. So should you get this directly ring me back on my mobile.
Phoebe: [in a British accent] Okay, don't hold thy breath.

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