‘The One Where No One's Ready’ Quotes

302. The One Where No One's Ready
Aired September 26, 1996
Ross is infuriated as he struggles to get his friends ready to attend a speech he's giving at the museum. Monica is obsessing over her break-up with Richard, while Joey and Chandler argue over a chair.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Okay, buddy boy, here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh, my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler. Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando.
Chandler: [groans]
Joey: Yeah. I tell you, it's hot with all this stuff on. I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Get up.
Joey: What?
Chandler: You're in my seat.
Joey: How is this your seat?
Chandler: Because I was sitting there.
Joey: But then you left.
Chandler: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Excuse me. Hi.
Dr. Sherman Whitfield: Yes?
Chandler: You're kind of sitting in my seat.
Dr. Sherman Whitfield: What do you mean, your seat?
Chandler: I mean, I was sitting there.
Dr. Sherman Whitfield: But you got up.
Chandler: But I never left the room.
Dr. Sherman Whitfield: But you left the chair area.
Chandler: All right, that's it. Give me your underwear.
Quote from Joey
Joey: What's the big deal? Sit somewhere else.
Chandler: The "big deal" is I was sitting there last. So, it's my seat.
Joey: Well, actually, the last place you were sitting was in there, so...
Quote from Phoebe
Ross: It starts at 8. We can't be late.
Phoebe: "He could not, would not, want to wait."
Quote from Phoebe
Rachel: Hey, guys, does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Phoebe: I don't know. You might be the first one.
Quote from Monica
Answering Machine: Message erased. To record your message, begin speaking at the tone.
Monica: Hi, Richard. It's Monica. Listen, I did something kind of crazy tonight. Maybe I'm getting my period or something. I don't know. Anyway, I beeped into your machine and I heard this message that freaked me out, and Michelle will tell you the rest. I'm sorry, okay? And I hope that we can just forget the whole thing.
Answering Machine: Your outgoing message has now been changed.
Quote from Chandler
Joey: All right, they got water, orange juice and what looks like cider.
Chandler: Taste it.
Joey: Yeah, it's fat. I drank fat.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.
Quote from Ross
Joey: What's the matter, Ross? You nervous about your speech?
Ross: Nope. You wanna hear it?
Joey: Am I in it?
Ross: Yep. After I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.
Quote from Ross
Ross: You guys, you know what? It doesn't matter. You both have to go get dressed before the big vein in my head pops.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called, "Get up!"
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: [on the answering machine] "Hey, it's me, I'm coming over. What if I'm already there when you play this message?" Is that too spooky?
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: You know what? Don't get up. Just sit there. I just hope you don't mind my hand right here. Not touching. Can't get mad! Not touching. Can't get mad! Not touching. Can't get mad!
Quote from Joey
Answering Machine: You have two new messages.
Joey: Wow. What a cool job. "You have two new messages. Please pass the pie."
Quote from Joey
Chandler: What are you doing?
Joey: You said I had to give you the chair. You didn't say anything about cushions.
Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair!
Joey: That's right! I'm taking the essence.
Quote from Rachel
Ross: I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.
Rachel: That was a Halloween costume. Unless you would like me to go as Little Bo Peep.
Ross: Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep.
Rachel: Yeah, which, by the way, Chandler, I would like back one of these days.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Where's my underwear?
Ross: Come on, you took his underwear?
Chandler: He took my essence!
Ross: Okay, hold on. Joey, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
Joey: Because I'm not wearing any underwear now.
Ross: Okay. Then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?
Joey: It's a rented tux, okay? I' m not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.
Quote from Joey
Chandler: Then somebody's gonna have to give somebody back his cushions.
Joey: Okay. You hide my clothes, I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.
Chandler: What are- What, are you gonna show me my clothes?
Joey: Hey, opposite is ... opposite.
Chandler: He's got nothing.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Rachel didn't have anything I liked, so... But she had this Christmas ribbon. So I thought, all right, I'll be political.
Chandler: What are you supporting?
Phoebe: Duh. Christmas.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: You know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
Quote from Phoebe
Monica: Maybe we can call the phone company? Maybe they could change the message? Maybe they could change his number.
Phoebe: Yeah, I think after this, he'll be doing that himself.