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‘The One Where No One's Ready’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where No One's Ready

302. The One Where No One's Ready

Aired September 26, 1996

Ross is infuriated as he struggles to get his friends ready to attend a speech he's giving at the museum. Monica is obsessing over her break-up with Richard, while Joey and Chandler argue over a chair.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Okay, buddy boy, here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh, my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler. Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando.
Chandler: [groans]
Joey: Yeah. I tell you, it's hot with all this stuff on. I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.

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Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Get up.
Joey: What?
Chandler: You're in my seat.
Joey: How is this your seat?
Chandler: Because I was sitting there.
Joey: But then you left.
Chandler: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Excuse me. Hi.
Dr. Sherman Whitfield: Yes?
Chandler: You're kind of sitting in my seat.
Dr. Sherman Whitfield: What do you mean, your seat?
Chandler: I mean, I was sitting there.
Dr. Sherman Whitfield: But you got up.
Chandler: But I never left the room.
Dr. Sherman Whitfield: But you left the chair area.
Chandler: All right, that's it. Give me your underwear.

Quote from Joey

Joey: What's the big deal? Sit somewhere else.
Chandler: The "big deal" is I was sitting there last. So, it's my seat.
Joey: Well, actually, the last place you were sitting was in there, so...

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: It starts at 8. We can't be late.
Phoebe: "He could not, would not, want to wait."

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Hey, guys, does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Phoebe: I don't know. You might be the first one.

Quote from Monica

Answering Machine: Message erased. To record your message, begin speaking at the tone.
Monica: Hi, Richard. It's Monica. Listen, I did something kind of crazy tonight. Maybe I'm getting my period or something. I don't know. Anyway, I beeped into your machine and I heard this message that freaked me out, and Michelle will tell you the rest. I'm sorry, okay? And I hope that we can just forget the whole thing.
Answering Machine: Your outgoing message has now been changed.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: All right, they got water, orange juice and what looks like cider.
Chandler: Taste it.
Joey: Yeah, it's fat. I drank fat.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, Ross, want some cider?

Quote from Ross

Joey: What's the matter, Ross? You nervous about your speech?
Ross: Nope. You wanna hear it?
Joey: Am I in it?
Ross: Yep. After I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.

Quote from Ross

Ross: You guys, you know what? It doesn't matter. You both have to go get dressed before the big vein in my head pops.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called, "Get up!"

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: [on the answering machine] "Hey, it's me, I'm coming over. What if I'm already there when you play this message?" Is that too spooky?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: You know what? Don't get up. Just sit there. I just hope you don't mind my hand right here. Not touching. Can't get mad! Not touching. Can't get mad! Not touching. Can't get mad!

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Pheebs? What happened?
Phoebe: I got the hummus.

Quote from Joey

Answering Machine: You have two new messages.
Joey: Wow. What a cool job. "You have two new messages. Please pass the pie."

Quote from Joey

Chandler: What are you doing?
Joey: You said I had to give you the chair. You didn't say anything about cushions.
Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair!
Joey: That's right! I'm taking the essence.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.
Rachel: That was a Halloween costume. Unless you would like me to go as Little Bo Peep.
Ross: Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep.
Rachel: Yeah, which, by the way, Chandler, I would like back one of these days.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Where's my underwear?
Ross: Come on, you took his underwear?
Chandler: He took my essence!
Ross: Okay, hold on. Joey, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
Joey: Because I'm not wearing any underwear now.
Ross: Okay. Then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?
Joey: It's a rented tux, okay? I' m not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Then somebody's gonna have to give somebody back his cushions.
Joey: Okay. You hide my clothes, I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.
Chandler: What are- What, are you gonna show me my clothes?
Joey: Hey, opposite is ... opposite.
Chandler: He's got nothing.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Rachel didn't have anything I liked, so... But she had this Christmas ribbon. So I thought, all right, I'll be political.
Chandler: What are you supporting?
Phoebe: Duh. Christmas.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: You know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Maybe we can call the phone company? Maybe they could change the message? Maybe they could change his number.
Phoebe: Yeah, I think after this, he'll be doing that himself.


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