Judy Geller: That's a lot of information to get in 30 seconds. All right. Joey, if you want to leave, just leave. Rachel, no, you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you're in an important relationship is beyond me.
Jack Geller: And we kind of figured about the porch swing.
Judy Geller: Ross. Drugs? Divorced again?

Monica: I can't believe there's no money for my wedding.
Judy Geller: We might still have some money if your father hadn't thought it was a good idea to try sell ice over the Internet.
Jack Geller: It seemed like such a simple idea.
Judy Geller: Stupid, Jack. The word is "stupid."

Jack Geller: I can't believe Emma's already one.
Judy Geller: I remember your first birthday. Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard we had to take him to the emergency room.
Ross: There's something you didn't know about your dad.

Judy Geller: We really do feel bad about this, though.
Jack Geller: We started saving again when you were dating Richard, but then that went to hell, so we redid the kitchen.
Monica: What about when I started dating Chandler?
Judy Geller: Well, it was Chandler. We didn't think he'd ever propose.
Chandler: Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal.

Judy Geller: Hello, Emma. Happy 18th birthday.
Jack Geller: Right now, that seems so far away. Seventeen years.
Judy Geller: Yes. You'll be all grown up by then, and we'll be- Well, your grandfather and I might not be here.
Jack Geller: That's true. This message could be coming to you from beyond the grave, Emma.
Judy Geller: After all, my parents died very young.
Jack Geller: And my cholesterol's off the charts.
Judy Geller: Remember, Emma, heart disease kills women too.

Judy Geller: I understand. Separation is hard. One time, I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor. And he got so upset he took off all his clothes, tucked his willy between his legs and cried out, ''Mommy, I'm a girl. Take me with you.''
Ross: Somehow, over time, it got easier to be apart from you.

Judy Geller: This is worse than when he married the lesbian.

Judy Geller: Monica, come down. Everyone's here. Ross, Rachel and the boy who hates Thanksgiving.

Doctor: Did you bring the toe?
Monica: Oh, yes. I have it right here on ice.
Doctor: Don't worry, son. We'll just reattach it and then-
Monica: What? What is it?
Doctor: You brought a carrot.
Chandler: What?
Doctor: This isn't your toe. This is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
Rachel: You brought a carrot?
Judy Geller: Oh, my God. There's a toe in my kitchen.

Ross: Mom? Dad? What are you guys doing here?
Jack Geller: Well, you guys talk about this place so much. We thought we'd see what the fuss is all about.
Judy Geller: I certainly see why the girls like coming here.
Ross: Why?
Judy Geller: The sexy blond behind the counter.
Ross: Gunther?
Jack Geller: Your mother just added him to her list.
Ross: What? Your list?
Judy Geller: Yes, the list of people we're allowed to sleep-
Ross: No, no. I know what the list is.