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‘The One with Rachel's Phone Number’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Rachel's Phone Number

909. The One with Rachel's Phone Number

Aired December 5, 2002

When Phoebe joins Rachel on a girls' night out, Mike spends the evening with Ross. Meanwhile, Chandler lies to Joey and says he's staying in Tulsa so he can spend some alone time with Monica.

Quote from Mike

Phoebe: Hey, Mike, it's me. Listen, is Is Ross near you?
Mike: No, I just left.
Phoebe: Well, you have to go back in.
Mike: What? Go back? To the land where time stands still?

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Quote from Monica

Joey: Hey, open the door! What's going on? What are you-?
Monica: Hi.
Joey: Why are you dressed like that?
Monica: Because, well, Chandler's gonna be home in a couple of days so I thought I would just, you know, practice the art of seduction.
Joey: But I thought I heard a man's voice before.
Monica: No, I was just doing Chandler's side of the conversation. You know, like, "Hi, how do I look?" "Really sexy. Could I be any more turned on?"

Quote from Mike

[phone rings]
Mike: I'll get it! Hello? Ross's place. Mike speaking. It's for you.
Ross: I don't understand what just happened here.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Thank you for watching the baby.
Ross: Oh, it's fine. Actually, I invited Mike over.
Rachel: Phoebe's Mike?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: I didn't know that you guys hung out.
Ross: We don't but thought it'd be nice to get to know him. Maybe have a little dinner, drinks, conversation.
Rachel: That's so cute. Ross and Mike's first date. Is that going to be awkward? What are you guys gonna talk about?
Ross: I don't know. But you know, we have a lot in common, you know? He plays piano. I played keyboards in college. He's been divorced. I have some experience in that area.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Chandler, look. I don't wanna be one of those wives that says: "You can't go to the game. You have to spend time with me." So if you could just realize it on your own.

Quote from Ross

Ross: So Phoebe tells me you play piano.
Mike: Yeah.
Ross: You know, I used to play keyboards in college.
Mike: Oh. Do you have one here?
Ross: No.
Mike: Okay.
[long silence]
Ross: You know, I'm divorced. Phoebe- Phoebe says you're- You've been divorced?
Mike: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't really like to talk about it.
Ross: That's okay. We'll talk about something else.
Mike: So you're a paleontologist, right?
Ross: Yeah.
Mike: My cousin's a paleontologist.
Ross: Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Hey, Joe.
Joey: Dude, come home.
Chandler: What? Why?
Joey: Come home.
Chandler: Look, I can't. What's going on?
Joey: I don't know how to tell you this, but I think Monica's cheating on you. I told you, you shouldn't have married someone so much hotter than you.

Quote from Joey

Joey: All right, look. If you can't come home and deal with this, then I'm gonna.
Chandler: No!
Joey: I just heard him.
Chandler: Can you hear him now?
Joey: No. All right, I'm going in.
Chandler: No, wait!
Joey: I heard him again.

Quote from Mike

Mike: So you like the beer?
Ross: I do. I do. Although, it's actually a lager.
Mike: Huh. What's the difference between beer and lager?
Ross: I don't know. We could look it up.
Mike: Things are about to get wild.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: We're not here to meet guys. You have a boyfriend. I have a baby and a Ross.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: All right, I've got a plan. I'll go down the fire escape-
Monica: Because all good plans start with, "I'll go down the fire escape."

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Hear me out, woman. I'll go down the fire escape and wait a while. Then when I come up the stairs, it'll be like I just got back from Tulsa. Then Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
Monica: Aren't you afraid that Joey's gonna figure all this out? I heard it.

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: What were you thinking?
Rachel: I don't know. He was cute, and he liked me. It was an impulse.
Phoebe: But what about Ross? What about your moment? Don't you wanna talk to Ross about it?
Rachel: No. No, because I know exactly how the conversation's gonna go.
"Hey, Ross, you know, I think we had a moment before."
"Yeah. [ahem] Me too."
"Well, but I'm not sure I really want to do anything about it."
"Yeah. [ahem, ahem] Me neither. [ahem]"
"Well, should we just continue to live together and not really tell each other how we're really feeling?"
"Yeah, that works for me. [ahem, ahem]"
Phoebe: Yeah, I see what you mean. By the way, nice Ross imitation. But your Rachel wasn't whiny enough.
Rachel: What? Hey!
Phoebe: Better.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Okay, Rachel gave this guy her number and she doesn't want Ross to answer the phone. So you have to intercept all his calls.
Mike: I can't do that.
Phoebe: He says he can't do that.
Rachel: Oh, give me the phone. Hi, Mike. Hi, listen, I know that this is a lot to ask, but you know what? If you do this, Phoebe will do anything you want. Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.
Phoebe: All right. Hello? Hi, I'm sorry about her. But actually, she wasn't wrong about the dirty stuff.
Mike: All right, I'll do it. But really, how much dirtier can it get?
Phoebe: Oh, Mike.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Wow. That didn't take long. I thought you said Tulsa was, like, a three-hour flight?
Chandler: Well, you're forgetting about the time difference.
Joey: Yeah.

Quote from Joey

Monica: Chandler, you're home.
Chandler: That's right. Your husband's home. So now the sex can stop.
Monica: What are you saying?
Chandler: Joey said you're here with another man.
Monica: There's no man in here. How dare you accuse me of that. [Monica slaps Chandler]
Joey: All right. All right. Then maybe you won't mind if me and my friend take a look around.
Chandler: What's he doing?
Monica: I arranged some pillows on the bed to look like a guy.
Joey: Bedroom's clear. Although you might need some new pillows.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Why do I smell men's cologne?
Monica: I think that's you.
Joey: Oh, yeah. I rubbed a magazine on myself earlier.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Wait a minute, wait a minute. If you just got back from Tulsa, how did your suitcase beat you here?
Chandler: I climbed down the fire escape, and you can't put that in the closet?

Quote from Ross

Mike: So, with the exception of the fermentation process, beer and ale are basically the same thing. Fascinating, isn't it?
Ross: Maybe you should look up "fascinating."

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Did he call? Did that guy call?
Mike: No, just his mom.
Rachel: Oh. Around 8:30?
Mike: Yeah.
Rachel: Then again at 9:00?
Mike: Yeah.

Quote from Mike

Ross: Hey, you guys.
Phoebe: Hey. I'll be right back. I gotta go to the bathroom.
Mike: Stout. That's a kind of beer.
[Ross gets up and leaves]

Quote from Phoebe

Waiter: Excuse me, these are from the two gentlemen at the end of the bar.
Phoebe: Should we send them something back? Let's send them mashed potatoes.


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