TV Quotes

Judy Geller: Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room in the fridge.
Monica: No. No, thank you.
Jack Geller: Well, Judy, you did it. She's finally full.

Phoebe: I've got one that's worse.
Chandler: Really? Worse than, "More turkey, Mr. Chandler?"
Phoebe: Did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!
[Phoebe in a field hospital, Thanksgiving 1862]
Phoebe: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here. This man is- [an explosion blows off Phoebe's arm] Oh, no.
[Present day:]
Ross: In this life, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh, this life? Oh, okay. No, Chandler's is worse.

Judy Geller: Monica, come down. Everyone's here. Ross, Rachel and the boy who hates Thanksgiving.

Doctor: What have we got here?
Paramedic: Twenty-year-old male. He's got a severed toe on his right foot.
Chandler: Ow! Ow!
Ross: Could you please not do that feet first? You know where his injury is. Severed toe, you just said it!

Doctor: Did you bring the toe?
Monica: Oh, yes. I have it right here on ice.
Doctor: Don't worry, son. We'll just reattach it and then-
Monica: What? What is it?
Doctor: You brought a carrot.
Chandler: What?
Doctor: This isn't your toe. This is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
Rachel: You brought a carrot?
Judy Geller: Oh, my God. There's a toe in my kitchen.

[Phoebe in a field hospital, Thanksgiving 1915]
Phoebe: [in a French accent] Gauze! Gauze! I need to get some gauze in here! Can I please get some more gauze? [an explosion removes one of Phoebe's arms] This is getting ridiculous.

Monica: Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?
Ross: Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmm.
Phoebe: Wow, see, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.

Nora Bing: Now, Chandler, dear just because we're getting a divorce doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the houseboy than with me.
Housebody: More turkey, Mr. Chandler?

Joey: Man, it must be so cool remembering stuff like that. I don't have any past-life memories.
Phoebe: Of course, you don't, sweetie. You're brand-new.

Monica: I got it. Phoebe, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. [Joey giggles] Joey, now is not the time.

Chandler: You did look like an idiot.
Joey: I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. Remember when Ross tried to say "butternut squash" and it came out, "squatternut bosh"?
Ross: Yeah, that's the same.

Rachel: You know how my parents are out of town, and Chip was going to come over.
Monica: Yeah, yeah. And you were going to give him your "flower."
Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex? It really creeps me out when you call it that. Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his "tenderness." Believe me.

Monica: Listen, if you and Chip do it tonight, promise me you'll tell me everything.
Rachel: Oh, totally, totally. You know, it's not that big a deal. We already kind of did it once.
Monica: I know, but this time you're going to definitely know whether or not you did it.
Rachel: I know. And Chip promised that this time it'd last at least for an entire song.

Judy Geller: So, Rachel, your mom tells me you changed your major again?
Rachel: Oh, yeah. I had to. There was never any parking by the psychology building.
Jack Geller: Oh, hi, Rachel. Wow. Love your new nose!
Judy Geller: Jack!
Jack Geller: What? Dr. Wolfson's an artist. He removed my mole cluster. Want to see?

Judy Geller: Yes, yes, Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend.
Ross: Oh, Mom ... Okay. Her name is Carol. And she's really pretty and smart. And she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams.

Monica: I just don't feel like I got him back, you know. I just want to humiliate him. I want him to be, like, naked, and I want to point at him and laugh.
Rachel: Okay. That, we may be able to do.
Monica: How?
Rachel: Well, guys tend to get naked before they're going to have sex.
Monica: What? I didn't work this hard and lose all this weight just so I could give my flower to someone like him.
Rachel: Okay. First of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's ever going to take it.

Monica: I love macaroni and cheese. I love the way this box feels against my cheek.
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: Ooh. And I love carrots. Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers. Like this. And hold them down here while I talk to you. And, you know, if I get really hot I like to pick up this knife. And I put the cool steel against my body.

Doctor: It says here the knife went straight through your shoe.
Jack Geller: Of course it did. They're made of wicker.

Monica: I can go really fast. Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche.
Jack Geller: Oh, I'm not falling for that one.

Ross: Sir Limps-a-lot. I came up with that.
Joey: You're a dork.

Chandler: Look, Monica, this is not going to work.
Monica: I bet this will work.
Chandler: You're so great. I love you.
Monica: What?
Chandler: Nothing. I said you're so great, and then I just stopped talking.
Monica: You said you loved me. I can't believe this.
Chandler: No, I didn't.
Monica: Yes, you did.
Chandler: No, I didn't.
Monica: You love me.
Chandler: No, I don't. Stop it, stop it, stop it.

Phoebe: Monica's going to totally freak out.
Joey: Well then help me get it off. Plus, it smells really bad in here.
Phoebe: Of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal.