Joey Tribbiani Quotes Page 1 of 67

Quote from The One After Vegas

Joey: Where is the waitress? I'm starving.
Chandler: It's a buffet, man.
Joey: Oh, here's where I win all my money back!

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Quote from The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs

Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo point.
Rachel: Huh. A "moo" point?
Joey: Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's "moo."
Rachel: Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?

Quote from The One with Joey's Bag

Joey: But it is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man.
Rachel: Exactly. Unisex!
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Rachel: No. No, Joey. U-N-I sex.
Joey: Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.

Quote from The One Where They All Turn Thirty

Chandler: Would you put that back on. Monica is going to be here any minute.
Joey: But it hurts my Joey's apple.
Chandler: Okay, for the last time, it's not named after each individual man.

Quote from The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs

Chandler: So Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables. Joey?
Joey: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
Ross: Wow, how many you got?
Joey: Fifty-six.

Quote from The One with the Truth About London

Chandler: How can I not be upset? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out she wanted you first.
Joey: Yeah, for like a half an hour one night. Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life. We look at you and we see you together, and it just it fits, you know? And you just know it's gonna last forever.
Chandler: That's what you should say.
Joey: What?
Chandler: When you're marrying us, that's what you should say.
Joey: Really? I could do it?
Chandler: I'd love you to do it.
Chandler: But those are the words. Those exact words.
Joey: Well, I don't remember exactly but it's pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.

Quote from The One with Joey's Big Break

Joey: Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle. Guess what? I got the lead in a movie.
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing. What's the movie about?
Joey: It's called Shutterspeed. It's really cool. Yeah, um, I meet this girl on the subway and we fall in love in, like, a day, right. And then she disappears. But I find out where she lives. And when I get there, this, like, old lady answers the door. And I say, "Where's Betsy?", right. And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Phoebe: Ooh. Chilling.

Quote from The One with the Rumor

Monica: Anyway, it just doesn't seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay, it's a lot of work.
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving. I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like Fourth of July with no apple pie. Or Friday with no two pizzas.
Monica: Fine, if it means that much to you. But there's gonna be a ton left over.
Joey: No, there won't. I promise I will finish that turkey.
Monica: All right. You're telling me you can eat almost an entire turkey in one sitting?
Joey: That's right. Because I'm a Tribbiani. This is what we do. I mean, we may not be great thinkers or world leaders. We don't read a lot or run very fast, but damn it, we can eat!

Quote from The One Where No One's Ready

Joey: Okay, buddy boy, here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh, my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler. Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando.
Chandler: [groans]
Joey: Yeah. I tell you, it's hot with all this stuff on. I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.

Quote from The One With Ross's Wedding (Part 1)

Joey: Well, I was trying to figure out how to get to Buckingham Palace, so I'm in my map...

Quote from The One Where They All Turn Thirty

Chandler: Well, here we are. Just a bunch of 30-year-olds.
Ross: Wow. Do you realize in 10 years we're gonna be 40?
Joey: Why, God? Why are you doing this to us?

Quote from The One with Phoebe's Cookies

Joey: Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. Get out of the way, jackass! Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coast is all the way over there.

Quote from The One with Joey's Porsche

Joey: Did anybody lose their keys?
Monica: Joey, why don't you put them in the lost and found?
Joey: There's a lost and found? My shoe!
Chandler: You left a shoe here?
Joey: Well, I didn't realize till I got home and I wasn't gonna walk all the way back down here with one shoe.

Quote from The One with Phoebe's Birthday Dinner

Waiter: How was everything, sir?
Joey: Excellent. The shrew, in particular, was exquisite.
Waiter: Well, I hope you've got some room left.
Waiters: [singing] Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday, dear-
Joey: Joey. Joey.
Waiters: Joey. Happy birthday to you.
Joey: This is the best birthday ever!

Quote from The One in Barbados (Part 1)

Joey: I play Dr. Drake Ramoray.
Sarah: I'm sorry. I don't own a TV.
Joey: You don't own a TV? What's all your furniture pointed at?

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