TV Quotes

Joey: Hey, Pheebs, check it out. Check it out.
Phoebe: Ooh, Soap Opera Digest. Oh, that's one of my favorite digests.

Richard: What about my two?
Monica: Well, it just seems like a really small number.
Richard: Right, and?
Monica: And, don't you have a lot of wild oats to sow? Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh, my God. Am I an oat?

Rachel: So what happens next?
Joey: Well, I get the medical award for separating the Siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramon, and that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big, but it's cursed.
Rachel: So cool.
Chandler: God, that is good TV.

Chandler: Pheebs, play with me.
Phoebe: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar forced to play soccer forever? Uh, hello? Human rights violation.

Eddie: What was that?
Phoebe: I just thought that it'd be fun if the three of us had some beers and got to know each other.
Eddie: Yeah, all right. That's sounds all right.
Phoebe: Oh, good. Oh, no. I have to go, because I'm late for my Green Eggs and Ham discussion group. Tonight, it's "Why he would not eat them on a train." Have fun. Bye.

Eddie: That's good. So who broke up with who?
Chandler: Are you kidding? I broke up with her. She actually thought Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia.
Eddie: That's good, man. When everybody knows that the capital of Cambodia is-
Chandler: Well, It's not Sean Penn.

Joey: I fall down an elevator shaft? What does this mean? I fall down an elevator shaft?
Messenger: I don't know. I just bring the scripts.
Joey: They can't kill me. I'm Francesca's long-lost son.
Messenger: Right. Could you sign?
Joey: No. No way. I'm not signing that.
Messenger: I don't think that's going to affect the plot of the show.
Joey: How can they do this to me?
Messenger: All right, I'm just gonna go. Sorry.

Richard: You know, I don't need the actual number. Just a ballpark.
Monica: Okay, it is definitely less than a ballpark.

Ross: Good, good. So was your mustache- Did it used to be different?
Richard: No.
Ross: How do you, you know, keep it so neat?
Richard: I have a little comb.
Ross: Oh. What do you call that?
Richard: A mustache comb.
Ross: Interesting.

Richard: Shall we?
Monica: It's not gonna happen. They're doing it tonight. We can do it tomorrow.
Richard: In the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand.