Rachel: Dr. Long, I've been at this for 17 hours. Three women have come and gone with their babies. You gotta give me some good news. How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Dr. Long: Three.
Ross: Just three? I'm dilated three!

Nurse: I don't think the next patient is very far along.
Rachel: Okay. Well, then bring her in.
Janice: Oh, my God! [claps]

Nurse: I'm sorry. Semi-private rooms are all we have.
Rachel: Okay. Just give us a second. Ross?
Ross: Yeah?
Rachel: Give her some money.
Ross: I really think they're out of rooms.
Rachel: They're not, Ross. They're just saving them for important people. What if I was the president?
Ross: Well, then we'd be in a lot of trouble. You don't know where any countries are.

Janice: I can't believe this.
Ross: And yet, somehow, it's true.
Janice: I mean, this is so great. We're gonna be baby buddies. [laughs]
Ross: Squeeze your legs together and cover the baby's ears.

Janice: This is my husband, Sid. I don't think you've met him. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologist's office. Thank God for adult acne. [laughs]
Sid: I still can't believe it. I'm the luckiest guy in the world.
Ross: Really?
Sid: What did he say?
Janice: Oh, you know what, you have to speak very loudly when you're talking to Sid because he's almost completely deaf.
Ross: Oh, there you go.
Rachel: Of course he is.

Rachel: Hey, you know what, I'm not waiting. I'm gonna push this baby out. I'm doing it. I mean it's what, three centimeters. That's gotta be like this, right?
Ross: Actually, it's more like this.
Rachel: Oh, stupid metric system.

Joey: Hi. I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray. I have a few routine questions I need to ask you.
Cliff: Really? I've been dealing with Dr. Wells.
Joey: I know, but I'm a neurologist. Just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of your status. So he sent me.
Cliff: Dr. Wells is a woman.
Joey: That was a test. Good response. All right. Full name?
Cliff: Clifford Burnett.
Joey: Date of birth?
Cliff: November 16, 1968.
Joey: Age?
Cliff: Can't you figure that out based on my date of birth?
Joey: I'm a doctor, Cliff, not a mathematician.

Phoebe: Excuse me. Could you help me with something? The patient I'm looking for has a broken leg and he's in a wheelchair. He's, like, early to mid-30s, very attractive.
Nurse: I think I know who you're talking about.
Phoebe: Oh, yay. Great. What room number is he in?
Nurse: I'm sorry. That information is restricted to hospital staff.
Joey: She's with me. Dr. Drake Ramoray.
Nurse: Dr. Drake who?
Joey: Ramoray. It's Portuguese. We need that information. I'm a doctor.
Nurse: A doctor at this hospital?
Joey: Damn it, woman. We're losing precious time. Now, do you want this man's blood on your head-
Phoebe: Hands.
Joey: - hands. It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man my assistant described is staying in. He's a patient of mine. I've been treating him for years.
Nurse: He's in room 816.
Joey: 816. Thank you. And what is his name?

Ross: All right. Yes! From home to the hospital in under seven minutes. We did it.
Rachel: Yes. The hard part is truly over.
Ross: But we are off to a great start, aren't we? I knew I'd get you here fast, but this has to be some kind of a record.

Phoebe: Oh, you made it.
Rachel: Hi.
Ross: How the hell did you beat us here?
Monica: We took a cab. Did you guys walk?
Ross: No, we took a cab too. But I did test runs-
Joey: Hey, you made it.
Ross: Okay, is there some kind of magic tunnel to this hospital?