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‘The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad

621. The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad

Aired April 27, 2000

Ross is nervous to meet Elizabeth's father, Paul, for the first time. After Ross ropes his friends in to try make him look good, Paul takes a shine to Rachel. Meanwhile, Joey insults the person who controls his robot co-star on MAC and C.H.E.E.S.E., and Phoebe starts writing a book about Chandler and Monica.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: I just found out Elizabeth's dad wants to meet me.
Chandler: Wait a minute. Hold the phone. You're not Elizabeth's dad?

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Quote from Monica

Ross: Come on, guys. I really want this guy to like me. It would really help me out if you guys could be here to make me look good.
Monica: Of course we'll help.
Ross: Thanks.
Monica: Yeah. We know how tough those parent-teacher conferences can be.

Quote from Ross

Elizabeth: This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller.
Ross: It's great to meet you, Paul.
Paul: I usually prefer that Liz's boyfriends address me as Mr. Stevens.
Ross: Of course. Mr. Stevens.
Paul: So, Ross what's your problem?
Ross: Excuse me?
Paul: Why can't you get a girlfriend your own age?
Ross: It's funny. ... Um, it's not funny.

Quote from Ross

Paul: I don't like you going out with my daughter, Ross.
Ross: Okay, I can see that. I think if you give me one chance, I can change your mind.
Paul: Okay.
Ross: What?
Paul: Okay. I'll give you one chance to change my mind. You've got one minute.
Elizabeth: Daddy.
Paul: Fine. Two minutes. Go.
[Ross stammers]
Paul: A minute and 50 seconds.
Ross: Okay. Um, I want you to know, I have never done anything like this before. I mean - I mean I've been in relationships in general. But I've never done it with a student. I mean, not.
Not "it." I mean, we haven't done "it." I mean- I mean we've done stuff. Okay. Okay. A joke. A joke. Lighten the mood. Two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Paul: I'm Irish.
Ross: And the lrish guy wins the joke.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Is there a Mrs. Stevens?
Chandler: There's a Mr. Bing!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up, so Ross selflessly offered to take me.
Elizabeth: What a nice story.
Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.
Rachel: Wow, I definitely did not see that one backfiring. I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Ross: Yeah, take your time.

Quote from Rachel

Paul: Don't worry about it. I just didn't realize you were married.
Rachel: Oh, we were, but that was just a- I mean, that was just a big drunken mistake.
Ross: You're back.
Paul: You two were married?
Rachel: Oh, whoops. I'm sorry. You were talking about Emily.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: It is so strange seeing Ross here, this time of day because usually, well, he's at the children's hospital.
Phoebe: Yeah. But not looking for dates.

Quote from Joey

Joey: So where's C.H.E.E.S.E.?
Wayne: C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here.
C.H.E.E.S.E.: Nice to meet you, Mac. [Joey laughs]
Joey: This is like the temporary robot, right?
Wayne: No. Why?
Joey: Well, I just thought it was gonna be, like, a really cool robot. Like the Terminator, or when I first saw you.
Wayne: I spent two years developing this machine. It's absolutely state of the art.
Joey: I'm sorry. It just doesn't really look like it can do anything.
Wayne: It can do this.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: What are you guys doing later?
Phoebe: Oh, Rachel and I have appointments to get our hair cut.
Rachel: We do?
Phoebe: I want to see what he wants first.

Quote from Joey

Joey: So when do I meet the robot?
Producer: Why don't we do that right now? He's right here. Joey Tribbiani, this is-
Joey: Wow. He's so lifelike. It's unbelievable.
Producer: This is Wayne, the man who created and operates C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: How do you do there, buddy?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: So you're Elizabeth's father? I can see now where she gets her rugged handsomeness.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: But Ross is a great guy. I was roommates with him in college. Ha, funny story- Your roommate in college died, didn't he?
Paul: A part of him did, yes.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Sorry I'm late. But I am ready to talk you up. When is Liz's father getting here?
Paul: I'm already here.
Rachel: Ross is so great.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Honey, you got the kind with the little girl. You said we were going to get the kind with the baby.
Monica: You said the baby creeps you out.
Chandler: No, the little girl creeps me out.
Monica: You said, "the baby."
Chandler: Why would the baby creep me out?
Monica: Why would the little girl creep you out?

Quote from Joey

Joey: Anyway, it wasn't the robot. It was the guy who controls him. He doesn't like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich table right when I was reaching for one.
Phoebe: So why don't you just get him fired?
Joey: I may have to. I mean, I hate to do it. But I'm the star, you know? There's a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor.

Quote from Estelle

Joey: Excuse me. Joey Tribbiani.
Estelle: Joe! I'm glad I found you. I got an audition for you.
Joey: Wow.
Estelle: The thing is, it's kind of on the q.t. The actor who has the part doesn't know he might be fired. It's the lead in a series. Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: I'm the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Estelle: Uh-oh.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: What's the big deal? So I kissed the guy?
Ross: He is my girlfriend's father. It's weird!
Rachel: Well, you dated my sister.
Ross: That was different.
Rachel: What? Why?
Ross: This is weird for me!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Ross, look. This is good for you. Let's face it. So far the guy's not loving you. But I can turn that around. I've got the inside track. We could all go out to dinner. And I could talk you up. Plus, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer.
Ross: How is that important?
Rachel: Oh, it's important.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Fine. Then you know what? I will just write about Phyllis. "Phyllis is sitting in the chair."
Phoebe: I see what you're doing.
Monica: "Phyllis sees what I'm doing."
Phoebe: Oh, I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter.

Quote from Ross

Paul: I'm sorry I was so harsh. But you have to understand. I still look at Lizzie like she's a 12-year-old girl.
Ross: Yeah, you know what, I know what you mean. I do that, too.
Paul: I beg your pardon?
Ross: No, no. I don't mean see her as a 12-year-old girl. I mean, I have a son who is six and I still think of him as a baby.
Paul: You have a son?
Ross: Yeah, well, my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben. And just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms - as I'm sure you are with your wife. Oh! I'm sorry. It's unbelievable.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I know what time you said.
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: Well, actually I know what time Chester and Marsha said.
Monica: What time?
Phoebe: What an interesting turn of events. Suddenly it's my book to the rescue, huh? Let's see. Oh, very interesting. Well this certainly clears things up.
Chandler: What does it say?
Phoebe: I will tell you as soon as you thank me for writing my book.
Chandler: Thank you for writing your book. It's a great book and you are the queen of everything.
Phoebe: Thanks. So are you.
Chandler: I told you I should not wear this color.
Phoebe: All right. "Monica- Marsha and Chester are planning on seeing a movie Sunday night.
Marsha thinks they're supposed to meet at 6:00. Chester thinks it's at 7:00."
Chandler: So you knew we were gonna miss the movie?
Phoebe: That's right.
Monica: And instead of telling us, you decided to write it in your stupid book?
Phoebe: "Marsha and Chester are mad at Phyllis."

Quote from Joey

Joey: I can't believe I'm gonna lose this job.
Chandler: I'm so sorry, man. Is there anything I can do?
Joey: Yeah. Help me get this mini-fridge past the security guard.

Quote from Joey

Wayne: Joey, I'll get you your job back if you help me out.
Joey: Why should I help you out?
Chandler: The reason he just said.
Joey: What do you need?

Quote from Joey

Wayne: Listen, I guarantee you keep your job if you can teach me how to talk to women like you do.
Joey: Oh, well, Wayne. It's not really something you can teach. It's pretty much something you're born with. ... You can teach it. I can show you right now.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Well, if you think about it Ross did learn something from each marriage.
Paul: How to make the next one even shorter?
Rachel: Now, wait a minute. That's not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was to Emily. He just didn't tell me. Maybe I have to pee again.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: No, I'm just deciding which one to use. I'm going to start writing another book.
Rachel: Because the last one was such a big seller?
Phoebe: Well, if you must know, I have written 14 books. And as I'm the only one who has read them, l can tell you that they have all been very well received.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: No, Joey, you're gonna be great.
Joey: But I gotta act with a robot and I don't know anything about technology. I can't even use Chandler's computer, except to find porn. And that's only because it's right there when you turn it on.
Monica: I think our lover's spat will start a little early this month.
Phoebe: [seductively, to Chandler] I'll be waiting.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Hey, Pheebs. How's the book writing going?
Phoebe: Really well. I'm up to page 47.
Monica: Wow. What are you writing?
Phoebe: Page numbers.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Oh, wait. And "On the 19th, a secret crush announces itself." [Phoebe flirts at Chandler]

Quote from Ross

Paul: Well, what can I say? This doesn't make me like you more.
Ross: That's okay. I'm not so crazy about myself right now either.
Paul: Then we agree?
Ross: I guess so.
Paul: Neither of us like Ross.
Elizabeth: I like Ross.
Ross: Oh. Kids.


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