TV Quotes

Ross: I just found out Elizabeth's dad wants to meet me.
Chandler: Wait a minute. Hold the phone. You're not Elizabeth's dad?

Ross: Come on, guys. I really want this guy to like me. It would really help me out if you guys could be here to make me look good.
Monica: Of course we'll help.
Ross: Thanks.
Monica: Yeah. We know how tough those parent-teacher conferences can be.

Elizabeth: This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller.
Ross: It's great to meet you, Paul.
Paul: I usually prefer that Liz's boyfriends address me as Mr. Stevens.
Ross: Of course. Mr. Stevens.
Paul: So, Ross what's your problem?
Ross: Excuse me?
Paul: Why can't you get a girlfriend your own age?
Ross: It's funny. ... Um, it's not funny.

Paul: I don't like you going out with my daughter, Ross.
Ross: Okay, I can see that. I think if you give me one chance, I can change your mind.
Paul: Okay.
Ross: What?
Paul: Okay. I'll give you one chance to change my mind. You've got one minute.
Elizabeth: Daddy.
Paul: Fine. Two minutes. Go.
[Ross stammers]
Paul: A minute and 50 seconds.
Ross: Okay. Um, I want you to know, I have never done anything like this before. I mean - I mean I've been in relationships in general. But I've never done it with a student. I mean, not.
Not "it." I mean, we haven't done "it." I mean- I mean we've done stuff. Okay. Okay. A joke. A joke. Lighten the mood. Two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Paul: I'm Irish.
Ross: And the lrish guy wins the joke.

Monica: Is there a Mrs. Stevens?
Chandler: There's a Mr. Bing!

Rachel: So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up, so Ross selflessly offered to take me.
Elizabeth: What a nice story.
Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.
Rachel: Wow, I definitely did not see that one backfiring. I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Ross: Yeah, take your time.

Paul: Don't worry about it. I just didn't realize you were married.
Rachel: Oh, we were, but that was just a- I mean, that was just a big drunken mistake.
Ross: You're back.
Paul: You two were married?
Rachel: Oh, whoops. I'm sorry. You were talking about Emily.

Monica: It is so strange seeing Ross here, this time of day because usually, well, he's at the children's hospital.
Phoebe: Yeah. But not looking for dates.

Joey: So where's C.H.E.E.S.E.?
Wayne: C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here.
C.H.E.E.S.E.: Nice to meet you, Mac. [Joey laughs]
Joey: This is like the temporary robot, right?
Wayne: No. Why?
Joey: Well, I just thought it was gonna be, like, a really cool robot. Like the Terminator, or when I first saw you.
Wayne: I spent two years developing this machine. It's absolutely state of the art.
Joey: I'm sorry. It just doesn't really look like it can do anything.
Wayne: It can do this.

Ross: What are you guys doing later?
Phoebe: Oh, Rachel and I have appointments to get our hair cut.
Rachel: We do?
Phoebe: I want to see what he wants first.

Joey: So when do I meet the robot?
Producer: Why don't we do that right now? He's right here. Joey Tribbiani, this is-
Joey: Wow. He's so lifelike. It's unbelievable.
Producer: This is Wayne, the man who created and operates C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: How do you do there, buddy?

Phoebe: So you're Elizabeth's father? I can see now where she gets her rugged handsomeness.

Chandler: But Ross is a great guy. I was roommates with him in college. Ha, funny story- Your roommate in college died, didn't he?
Paul: A part of him did, yes.

Rachel: Sorry I'm late. But I am ready to talk you up. When is Liz's father getting here?
Paul: I'm already here.
Rachel: Ross is so great.

Chandler: Honey, you got the kind with the little girl. You said we were going to get the kind with the baby.
Monica: You said the baby creeps you out.
Chandler: No, the little girl creeps me out.
Monica: You said, "the baby."
Chandler: Why would the baby creep me out?
Monica: Why would the little girl creep you out?

Joey: Anyway, it wasn't the robot. It was the guy who controls him. He doesn't like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich table right when I was reaching for one.
Phoebe: So why don't you just get him fired?
Joey: I may have to. I mean, I hate to do it. But I'm the star, you know? There's a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor.

Joey: Excuse me. Joey Tribbiani.
Estelle: Joe! I'm glad I found you. I got an audition for you.
Joey: Wow.
Estelle: The thing is, it's kind of on the q.t. The actor who has the part doesn't know he might be fired. It's the lead in a series. Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: I'm the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Estelle: Uh-oh.

Rachel: What's the big deal? So I kissed the guy?
Ross: He is my girlfriend's father. It's weird!
Rachel: Well, you dated my sister.
Ross: That was different.
Rachel: What? Why?
Ross: This is weird for me!

Rachel: Ross, look. This is good for you. Let's face it. So far the guy's not loving you. But I can turn that around. I've got the inside track. We could all go out to dinner. And I could talk you up. Plus, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer.
Ross: How is that important?
Rachel: Oh, it's important.

Monica: Fine. Then you know what? I will just write about Phyllis. "Phyllis is sitting in the chair."
Phoebe: I see what you're doing.
Monica: "Phyllis sees what I'm doing."
Phoebe: Oh, I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter.