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‘The One with Rachel's New Dress’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Rachel's New Dress

418. The One with Rachel's New Dress

Aired April 2, 1998

Rachel hopes to impress Joshua with a new dress on their date, but things don't go to plan. Meanwhile, Chandler and Joey try to convince Phoebe to name one of her triplets after them, and Ross is concerned that Emily is spending time with Susan.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: You want a good name, go with Joey. Joey's your pal, your buddy. Where is everybody? They're hanging out with Joey.
Chandler: You know what? If you're going to do that, if you're going to name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. Oh, come on, Chandler's funny, he's sophisticated, and he's very lovable once you get to know him.
Joey: Joey's lovable too. But the thing about Joey is, if you need him, he'll be there.
Chandler: Chandler will be there, too. I mean, he might be a little late but he'll be there. And he'll bring you some cold soda if what you need him for is that you're really hot.

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Quote from Ross

Chandler: Hi. You're crazy. Okay, this is Emily. Emily is straight.
Ross: How do you know? I mean, we thought Carol was straight before I married her.
Phoebe: Yeah, definitely. I don't like the name Ross.
Ross: What a weird way to kick me when I'm down.
Phoebe: No, I meant for the baby.
Ross: Oh. What's wrong with Ross?
Phoebe: It's just that something like this would never happen to The Hulk, you know.
Ross: Actually, that's not true. In The Incredible Hulk, number 72, Dr. Bruce Banner found- You know. Never mind. My girlfriend's a lesbian.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Any word from Susan?
Carol: She said she's having so much fun with Emily.
Ross: By the by, did it ever occur to you that maybe they might be having a little too much fun?
Carol: What's too much fun?
Ross: The kind of fun you and Susan had when we were married.
Carol: Oh, my God! You are so paranoid.
Ross: Am l?
Carol: Yes.
Ross: Am l?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Wow. Carol really messed you up.
Ross: Excuse me?
Phoebe: Yeah. She turned you into this untrusting, crazy, jealous ... sycophant! All right, so I don't know what "sycophant" means, but the rest is right.

Quote from Phoebe

Alice: Anyway, since there are three babies and we both got to put our names in, we would be truly honored if you would name the other boy baby.
Phoebe: Wow. That's so nice. Ooh, ooh. Cougar.
Alice: You think about it.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I went through this book and found nothing. I want a name that's really strong and confident. You know, like ... Exxon!
Chandler: Well, it certainly worked for that Valdez kid.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: You want a strong name? How about The Hulk?
Phoebe: No, I'm not sure about Hulk, but I like the idea of a name starting with "The".

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: Maybe I will just name him The Hulk.
Joey: I knew I shouldn't have mentioned it. That's what I wanted to name my kid that.

Quote from Monica

Rachel: I'm making him a very fancy meal. What am I making him, by the way?
Monica: A frisee salad with goat cheese and pine nuts wild rice, roasted asparagus and salmon en croute.
Rachel: I thought I was making him filet mignon.
Monica: Yeah, you were. But then you decided to make salmon because you had some left over. Then you realized if you bitched about it, then you would stop cooking and you would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.
Rachel: Wow. I really get crabby when I cook.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Turns out that Emily is just crazy about Susan. Yeah. They're going to the theater together. They're going to dinner. They're going horseback riding.
Phoebe: God, Susan is so fun.
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar. Okay. For like six months before Carol and I split up all I heard was, "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
Chandler: You actually think something could happen between Emily and Susan?
Ross: Hey, they're going to the gym together. Two women ... stretching. You know, they take a steam, things get playful. Didn't you see Personal Best?
Joey: No, but I'm gonna!

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: I've decided I'm definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.
Joey: Oh, you gotta pick Joey! I mean, name one famous person named Chandler.
Chandler: Raymond Chandler.
Joey: Someone you didn't make up.

Quote from Ross

Carol: How's Ben?
Ross: Well, I asked if he wanted to eat. He said no. I asked if he wanted to sleep. He said no. I asked what he wanted to do. He said no. So he's sweeping.

Quote from Ross

Carol: I can't speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Ross: Carol, so were we. Just imagine for a moment that Susan meets someone, and they hit it off. They're coming back from the theater, and they stop at a pub for drinks. They're laughing. Someone innocently touches someone else. There's electricity. It's new. It's exciting.
Are you saying there isn't the slightest possibility of something happening?
Carol: Maybe.
Ross: Oh, my God. I didn't really believe it until you just said it!

Quote from Rachel

Mrs. Burgin: Joshua, that $500 was for groceries.
Rachel: What, this? Oh, no, no, no. That's not what it is. See. Okay, I work in fashion. And this is a real dress, actually. It's- They're wearing it in Milan. So part of my job is to wear the clothes and then I see how people respond, and then I report back to my superiors at Bloomingdale's. Obviously, in this case I am going to report back: "U.S.A. not ready."
Mr. Burgin: Maybe in L.A.
Rachel: Yes.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: From now on, I have no first name.
Joey: So you're just Bing?
Chandler: I have no name.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: So what are we supposed to call you?
Chandler: Okay, for now, temporarily, you can call me Clint.
Joey: No way are you cool enough to pull off "Clint."
Chandler: Okay, so what name am l cool enough to pull off?
Phoebe: Umm, Gene.
Chandler: It's Clint. It's Clint.
Joey: See you later, Gene.
Phoebe: Bye, Gene.
Chandler: It's Clint. Clint.
Joey: What's up with Gene?

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Help. Am I a Mark or a John?
Joey: You're not tall enough to be a Mark. But you might make a good Barney.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: You're actually going through with this?
Chandler: Look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. It's probably why kids picked on me and why I never do well with women. So as of four o'clock tomorrow, I'll either be Mark Johnson or John Markson.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: I don't know what you're talking about. I am not a crazy, jealous person.
Rachel: Huh. She's totally right. When we were together, you got all freaked out about Mark, and there was nothing going on.
Monica: This totally makes sense.
Ross: It does not.
Monica: Oh, sure it does. In high school, you weren't jealous at all even though all your girlfriends were cheating on you.
Phoebe: All right, all right. So up until '92, '93, he was very trusting. Then '94 hit, Carol left him, and bam! Paranoid City.
Rachel: Absolutely.
Monica: This is so fun.
Ross: This is not fun!


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