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‘The One Where Ross Is Fine’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Ross Is Fine

1002. The One Where Ross Is Fine

Aired October 2, 2003

Rachel and Joey spend an uncomfortable evening with Ross and Charlie as he insists he is fine with their relationship. Meanwhile, Monica and Chandler talk to a couple who adopted a child, and Phoebe hangs out with her brother, Frank Jr., and his triplets.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised to see you guys kissing. I mean, at first I was like: [screams] But now that I've had time to absorb it- Loving this.
Joey: Ross-
Ross: It's all working out. Me and Charlie. And you two. You know what we should do?
Rachel: Calm ourselves?
Ross: No. We should all have dinner. Yes, we'll do it tomorrow night. I'll cook!
Joey: Look, don't you think that would be a little weird?
Ross: Weird? What? What's weird? The only thing weird would be if someone didn't like Mexican food because I'm making fajitas!

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Quote from Rachel

Charlie: God, Rachel, what Ross just said, that's just-
Rachel: Oh, that's okay. Girls tend not to like me.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Hey, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Hey.
Monica: We just want to give you a heads up. Bill and Colleen hate us.
Chandler: Owen didn't know he's adopted and Monica told him.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Still, he had to find out sometime.
Chandler: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them? [the triplets look at Chandler] I'm gonna go tell Emma she was an accident.

Quote from Monica

Colleen: Well, actually, I think this might help. It's pretty much all the information you need.
Monica: Oh, my God.
Colleen: Everything is broken into categories, then cross-referenced. And then color-coded to correspond with the forms in the back.
Monica: Thank you. I think I just had a tiny orgasm.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hey, you must be Owen.
Owen: Yeah.
Chandler: I'm Chandler. Hey, I was in the Scouts too.
Owen: You were?
Chandler: In fact, my father was a den mother.
Owen: Huh?
Chandler: You know how to use a compass?
Owen: I have a badge in it.
Chandler: You do? That's fantastic.
Owen: You want to see it?
Chandler: I'd love to, but I gotta get back to your parents. They're telling us all about how they adopted you.
Owen: What?
Chandler: What?
Owen: I'm adopted?
Chandler: I got nothing.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Fajitas! Be careful! Very hot plate! Very hot!
Rachel: Ross, you don't even have oven mitts on.
Ross: [laughs] That is gonna hurt tomorrow.

Quote from Ross

Charlie: Gosh, Ross, you know, you seem a little-
Ross: What? Fine? Because I am. Aren't you? Aren't you? Aren't? You see? Who else is fine?

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Ross, this is not how we wanted you to find out about this. You have every right to go nuts.
Ross: I'm not going nuts. Do you see me going nuts?
Rachel: No, but you know what I mean.
Ross: Hey, hey, hey. If you two are happy then I'm happy for you. I'm fine.
Joey: Really?
Ross: Absolutely. I'm fine. Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky because, really, I'm fine.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I do like fajitas.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Well, we brought you some wine.
Ross: Oh, that is so thoughtful. She's a keeper. And what did you bring me, huh?
Joey: Actually, that's-
Ross: Underwear, a toothbrush and a Van Halen CD. I can use all these things!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, God, last time I babysat them, they did the funniest thing.
Frank Jr.: I haven't slept in four years.
Phoebe: That's a long time.
Frank Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I could handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand. Well, what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on? I got no more hands to protect my area. There's three of them, Phoebe. Three.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, Frank. I counted them when they were coming out of my area.

Quote from Chandler

Bill: We went through the same thing when we were adopting.
Chandler: So a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos in this room, huh? I mean, you have a lovely home.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Can I see the book? You want me to wash my hands first, don't you?
Monica: Please. It's just so pretty and white.
Colleen: I would have told him to do it too.
Monica: Can I adopt you?

Quote from Joey

Ross: Oh, God, this is fun, isn't it? You know, just the four of us. Just hanging.
Joey: Dude, are you okay? And when are the fajitas gonna be ready?

Quote from Ross

Ross: I'm fine, okay? I'm great. I'm just I'm just proud of us. You know? There's no weirdness, no tension.
Rachel: No awareness.
Ross: No, we make a great foursome. We should do more stuff together. Ooh, let's take a trip! Okay, where do you think we can go? [oven timer dings] My fajitas!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Well, just for argument's sake, you know, hypothetically which one would you be willing to give up?
Frank Jr.: Huh.
Phoebe: Frank Jr. Jr.?
Frank Jr.: You'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day, he made up this joke: What's green and says, "Hey, I'm a frog"? [laughing] A talking frog. Oh, no, you can't have him, he's too funny.
Phoebe: Well, all right, that's fine. What about Leslie?
Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no, not Leslie. No. She's the only one that knows how to burp the alphabet.
Phoebe: All right, so that leaves Chandler.
Frank Jr.: No, no, you can't have Chandler. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor.
Phoebe: Wow, Frank, I think we just ran out of kids.
Frank Jr.: Oh, I think you're right. Oh, wow. Phoebe, I don't think I can give one of them up. I mean, you know, they drive me crazy, but they're my babies.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Where are Bill and Colleen?
Monica: They're in the kitchen, getting something to eat. Can you believe how nice they are?
Chandler: We have to leave.
Monica: Why? What did you do in the bathroom?
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Monica: Oh, my God, where's my purse? No, you know what, I can replace everything in there. Get that binder and let's go!

Quote from Chandler

Colleen: Hi.
Bill: Some little snacks for everybody. You don't have to eat the sour worms. Those are for Owen.
Colleen: I'll go get him in a second. By the way, you should know, we haven't told him he's adopted yet.
Chandler: But kids are so intuitive. Don't you think, on some level, he already knows?
Owen: I'm adopted?
Chandler: See? Intuitive.

Quote from Chandler

Bill: What? Where did you hear that?
Owen: He told me. And he paid me 50 dollars not to tell.
Chandler: Which, technically, now you should give back.
Colleen: You told him he's adopted?
Chandler: I'm so sorry. But you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks Santa is real."
Owen: He isn't?
Chandler: We have to get out of here, baby.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: You know what, Ross, I think we're gonna take off too.
Ross: Of course. God, I'm so stupid. You guys are a couple now. I mean, you probably just want to be alone.
Rachel: No, it's just getting late-
Ross: Hey, hey, hey. It's fine. It's totally fine. I've got plenty of margaritas. It's all good. [oven timer dings] I don't even know what that's for.


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