TV Quotes

Phoebe: They even do you.
Chandler: They "do" me?
Phoebe: You know, like, um okay. Okay, um, "Could that report be any later?"
[Joey and Ross laugh]
Chandler: I don't sound like that.
Ross: Oh, oh, Chandler.
Joey: Yeah, you do.
Ross: "The hills are alive with the sound of music."
Joey: "My scone."
Joey, Ross and Phoebe: "My scone."
Chandler: I don't sound like that. That is so not true.
[Ross and Joey laugh]
Chandler: That is so not- That is so not- That- Oh, shut up!

Rachel: Well, last night, you seemed to know your way around the table.
Ross: [chuckles] I love it when we share.
Chandler: You okay?
Ross: I can't believe you two had sex in her dream.
Chandler: I'm sorry. It was a one-time thing. I was very drunk, and it was someone else's subconscious.

Ross: No, it's for Carol when she goes into labor. All she has to do is dial 55-JlMBO.
Chandler: A cool phone number and a possible name for the kid.

Chandler: Tell me what?
Monica: Look at you. You won't even look at him.
Chandler: Oh, come on. Tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.

Rachel: All right. All right. Last night, I had a dream that you and I were doing it on this table.
Chandler: Wow.
Joey: Excellent dream score.
Ross: Why would you dream that?
Chandler: More importantly was I any good?
Rachel: Well, you were pretty damned good.
Chandler: Interesting. Because in my dreams, I'm surprisingly inadequate.

Phoebe: Ooh, give me. Can you see me operating a drill press?
Joey: I don't know. What are you wearing?
Ross: Phees, why would you want to operate a drill press?
Phoebe: Just for some short-term work. You know, till I get back some of my massage clients.
Chandler: Pirates again?
Phoebe: No. Nothing like that. I'm just such a dummy. I taught this "Massage Yourself at Home" workshop. And they are.

Phoebe: I could be a secretary.
Chandler: Well, Pheebs, I don't know if it'd be your thing because it involves a lot of being normal for a large portion of the day.

Phoebe: [sultry voice] Mr. Bing's office. No, sorry, he's in a meeting right now.
Chandler: I'm not in a meeting. I'm right-
Phoebe: And will he know what this is in reference to? And he has your number? All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye-bye. [normal voice] Ross says hi.

Ross: [on the phone] Yeah, hi. I was just beeped. No, Andre is not here. Third time today. Yes, I am sure. I do not perform those kind of services.
Joey: Services? Oh, services.
Ross: Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. That's right. That's right. JUMBO with a "U," sir. No, believe me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. Alrighty, bye-bye.

Monica: Oh, God. I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad. I'm Joan Collins.
Ethan: Who?