‘The One with the Ick Factor’
Season 1, Episode 22 - Aired May 4, 1995
The group mock Monica after she admits she lied about her age when she started dating a younger man, but she's surprised to find out she wasn't the only one who lied. Meanwhile, Ross is envious when Rachel reveals she's been having erotic dreams about Chandler and Joey, and Phoebe takes a job as Chandler's secretary.
Quote from Chandler
Phoebe: They even do you.
Chandler: They "do" me?
Phoebe: You know, like, um okay. Okay, um, "Could that report be any later?" [Joey and Ross laugh]
Chandler: I don't sound like that.
Ross: Oh, oh, Chandler.
Joey: Yeah, you do.
Ross: "The hills are alive with the sound of music."
Joey: "My scone."
Joey, Ross and Phoebe: "My scone."
Chandler: Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true. [Ross and Joey laugh] That is so not- That is so not- That- Oh, shut up!
Quote from Chandler
Rachel: Well, last night, you seemed to know your way around the table.
Ross: [chuckles] I love it when we share.
Chandler: You okay?
Ross: I can't believe you two had sex in her dream.
Chandler: I'm sorry. It was a one-time thing. I was very drunk, and it was someone else's subconscious.
Quote from Chandler
Ross: No, it's for Carol when she goes into labor. All she has to do is dial 55-JlMBO.
Chandler: A cool phone number and a possible name for the kid.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Tell me what?
Monica: Look at you. You won't even look at him.
Chandler: Oh, come on. Tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.
Quote from Chandler
Rachel: All right. All right. Last night, I had a dream that you and I were doing it on this table.
Chandler: Wow.
Joey: Excellent dream score.
Ross: Why would you dream that?
Chandler: More importantly was I any good?
Rachel: Well, you were pretty damned good.
Chandler: Interesting. Because in my dreams, I'm surprisingly inadequate.
Quote from Chandler
Phoebe: I could be a secretary.
Chandler: Well, Pheebs, I don't know if it'd be your thing because it involves a lot of being normal for a large portion of the day.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: [sultry voice] Mr. Bing's office. No, sorry, he's in a meeting right now.
Chandler: I'm not in a meeting. I'm right-
Phoebe: And will he know what this is in reference to? And he has your number? All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye-bye. [normal voice] Ross says hi.
Quote from Joey
Monica: What?
Rachel: Ethan called again.
Monica: Oh.
Ross: You're not seeing him anymore?
Monica: No. Sometimes, things just don't work out.
Chandler: Okay, and this has nothing to do with him needing a note to get out of gym?
Rachel: I did not say anything. I swear. He stopped by.
Joey: Listen. Next time you talk to him could you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is?
Quote from Ross
Monica: Oh, my life is just so amusing. Can we drop it now?
Chandler: Sorry.
Ross: "It's morphin' time."
Joey: Stegosaurus.
Chandler: Tyrannosaurus.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Listen. About the weekly numbers, I'm gonna need them on my desk by 9:00.