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‘The Where Rachel Rachel Goes Back to Work’ Quotes

Friends: The Where Rachel Rachel Goes Back to Work

911. The Where Rachel Rachel Goes Back to Work

Aired January 9, 2003

When Rachel visits the office during her maternity leave, she becomes convinced the guy who's covering her is angling for her job. Meanwhile, Joey gets Phoebe a part as an extra on Days of our Lives.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Look, I'll just get my old job back.
Monica: No, I want you to have a job that you love, not statistical analysis and data reconfiguration.
Chandler: I quit, and you learn what I do?

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Quote from Monica

Monica: There's always gonna be a reason not to do this but I think once the baby comes, we'll forget about all those reasons.
Chandler: I guess. I mean, it's always gonna be scary when we have a baby.
Monica: It's gonna be really scary. I mean, God, when we have a baby there's gonna be so much that we're not able to control. I mean, the apartment's gonna be a mess. I won't have time to clean it. What if the baby gets into the ribbon drawer and messes up all the ribbons? What if there's no room for a ribbon drawer because the baby's stuff takes up all the space? Where will all the ribbons go?
Chandler: Should we go make a baby right now before you change your mind?
Monica: Yes, please.
Chandler: Okay. And I promise I will not fake it this time.
Monica: Well, I wish I could say the same. I'm a little shook up.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Good morning, tiger. I'm making you a nice big breakfast, so you can keep up your strength for tonight. You're gonna get me good and pregnant.
Chandler: I've got nowhere to go this morning. I'm unemployed. I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life.
Monica: Well, I just lost my erection.
Chandler: No, I mean, what am I supposed to do with myself?
Monica: You're supposed to find your passion in life. You can be whatever you want to be now. It's exciting.
Chandler: Yeah, but it's all so overwhelming. I don't know where to start.
Monica: Hey, wait a second. I can help you with this. You just need to be organized. Okay, we can make a list of your qualifications and categorize jobs by industry. There could be folders and files-
Chandler: Hey, this is where your hyper-organized pain-in-the-ass stuff pays off.
Monica: I know! My erection is back!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hey, Joey, could I have a sip of your coffee and a bite of your muffin?
Joey: Okay.
Phoebe: Thank you. [Phoebe pours Joey's coffee into a thermos and takes his muffin] Thank you.
Joey: Pheebs, have you ever been bitten by a hungry Italian?
Phoebe: I'm sorry. It's just, I'm a little short on cash.
Joey: Well, if you want, I could loan you some money.
Phoebe: Oh, no. No, I learned never to borrow money from friends. That's why Richard Dreyfuss and I don't speak anymore.

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: Hey. Why are you all dressed up?
Ross: Oh, Rachel and I are bringing Emma to Ralph Lauren today to introduce her to everyone. Doesn't she look cute?
Joey: She sure does. Why does she have a pink bow taped to her head?
Rachel: Well, because if one more person says, "What a cute little boy", I'm gonna whip them with a car antenna.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Okay, let's start with the A's. Advertising.
Chandler: Wait. Advertising, that's a great idea.
Monica: Well, don't you wanna look through the rest?
Chandler: I don't think I have to hear the rest. Advertising makes perfect sense. Sorry you had to waste all this time, though.
Monica: You call eight hours alone with my label maker wasted time? Ooh, now I'll get to use my shredder.

Quote from Monica

Monica: I actually know someone in advertising. I grew up with this guy who is a vice president at a big agency. Maybe I can get him to meet you. Give me the phone.
Chandler: "The phone. Bringing you closer to people who have phones."
Monica: "Marriage. It's not for everybody."

Quote from Rachel

Gavin: I'm Gavin Mitchell, the person who's taking over your job.
Rachel: Excuse me?
Gavin: Oh, your baby's so cute. But why would you put a pink bow on a boy?
[Ross restrains Rachel]

Quote from Chandler

Steve: So do you have any other questions about advertising?
Chandler: No. No. But let me show you what I can do. "Bagels and doughnuts. Round food for every mood."
Steve: Monica warned me you might do that.

Quote from Chandler

Steve: I think we might have something for you at the agency.
Chandler: Really? That's great.
Steve: It's an unpaid internship.
Chandler: That's funny. When you said "unpaid," it sounded like you said "unpaid."
Steve: Come on, now. Monica has a good job. It's not like you have a family to support.
Chandler: Actually, we're trying. And I don't think Monica is gonna want to postpone it. We're supposed to have sex tonight. Actually, she's probably at home, naked right now. I tend to keep talking till somebody stops me. I can just picture her on the bed.
Steve: Stop!

Quote from Rachel

Mr. Zelner: Gavin, Ralph loved your ideas.
Rachel: Hi, Mr. Zelner.
Mr. Zelner: Rachel. I see you've met Gavin. You know, I must say, when you left us, we weren't sure what we were gonna do. But then, Gavin to the rescue. Super Gavin.
Rachel: Well, that's great. That's great. So now, Super Gavin, when I come back where do you plan on flying off to?
Mr. Zelner: That's up to Mr. Zelner. I'm sure he'll make the right decision.
Rachel: Oh, wow. Super ass-kissing power.

Quote from Rachel

Mr. Zelner: Incidentally, when are you coming back?
Rachel: Today.
Gavin: You said two weeks.
Rachel: No, I said today. See, for a superhero, not so much with the listening.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'm just not an actor.
Joey: That's right. You're not. You're a nurse. You're Nurse With Tray.
Phoebe: No, Joey-
Joey: Nurse With Tray doesn't know Joey. She doesn't have time for friends. She gets in that operating room and she carries that tray to the doctor because if she doesn't, people die.
Phoebe: Who dies?
Joey: Man With Eye Patch. Now, you get in there, and you do your job.
Phoebe: Yes, doctor.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hang in there, Man With Eye Patch. Your tray is coming.

Quote from Phoebe

Director: And, action.
Phoebe: Yes, I did it. I nailed it. What's next?
Director: The rest of the scene.
Phoebe: Okay, from the top, people.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Okay, it's baby time. Pants off, Bing. Didn't see you there, Geller.

Quote from Ross

Chandler: Ross is here, so-
Ross: And I was really hoping that maybe I could hang out. You know, what do you feel like doing?
Monica: Well, we're gonna have sex.
Ross: I don't feel like having sex. Uh, maybe- I don't know. Maybe we can watch a movie or something.
Monica: Let me put it this way: We're having sex whether you're here or not.
Ross: Pants off, Bing.

Quote from Joey

Director: Cut! Cut! What are you doing?
Phoebe: Well, I'm very angry at him because he slept with me and never called me back.
Woman: Me too.
Woman: Me too.
Joey: Oh, calm down. She means on the show. We need some new extras around here.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, Listen, Pheebs. I was just talking to the director and he was thinking maybe this time you don't hit Drake. You just wait on the tables.
Phoebe: I can't do that. I'm an actor. I have a process.
Joey: You're a masseuse. You have a table with a hole in it.
Phoebe: Wait a minute, I see what's happening here. You're threatened.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: Yeah. I'm so good in the scene that I'm stealing focus from you. Well, rise to the challenge, Tribbiani, because I just raised the bar. Come join me up here.
Joey: [to the Director] Yeah, you can fire her, but I would call security. She won't go easy.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I'm not saying I don't want a baby. I'm just saying maybe we could wait a little while.
Monica: Like a month?
Chandler: Or a year?
Monica: Really? You wanna wait a year?
Chandler: Well, it could be less than a year. I mean, you've heard my stuff. "Pants. Like shorts but longer." It'll probably be more than a year.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, how about this? Wanna be an extra on my show?
Phoebe: You could do that?
Joey: Yeah. The pay's pretty good, and you could do it for as long as you need.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. I'm gonna be on TV.
Joey: Okay, now I gotta tell you, being on TV isn't as glamorous and exciting as you think.
Phoebe: Oh, really?
Joey: No, it is awesome.


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