Phoebe: Hi, you guys.
Rachel: What's the matter?
Phoebe: Well, it's just one of these situations that I just hate. You know, a massage client gave me three tickets to the Helmut Peltz Exhibit at the Morgan Chase Museum.
Joey: Now you're thinking you gotta sleep with him.
Phoebe: No. No, it's just that he gave me three tickets and there are six of us.
Chandler: I'll give up my ticket.
Joey: Me, too.
Phoebe: Okay. That's so generous.
Chandler: And I think Ross is generous, too.
Phoebe: Great. Okay, then it's just us girls.
Monica: Great.
Rachel: Yeah. So what is the exhibit?
Phoebe: It's mostly just photographs of, um, lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.
Joey: Oh, man!

Monica: Well, I guess there is no harm in putting my name down.
Rachel: I'm gonna do it, too.
Phoebe: Me, too.
Rachel: Really? Who would you marry?
Phoebe: I don't know. I don't have anyone right now.
Rachel: Oh, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Don't feel too sorry for me. At least my boyfriend isn't gay.
Monica: Phoebe, that's not-
Phoebe: Don't even get me started on yours.

Answer Machine: You've reached Monica and Chandler's. If you're listening to this message, we're probably screening.
Chandler: Yeah, we are.
Hildy: Hi, this is Hildy from the Morgan Chase Museum. I'm calling for Monica Geller. I wanted to let her know there's been a cancellation. And if she's still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available.
Chandler: This is Chandler Bing. This is Chandler Bing. Yes, the groom. No, not the groom!

Phoebe: Oh, here it is. Joey, why did you sign it, "son of a bitch"?
Joey: I didn't do that. Who would've done that?
Dry Cleaner: Son of a bitch.
Phoebe: Okay. Maybe ask this guy.
Dry Cleaner: You. Get out of my shop.
Phoebe: What did he do?
Dry Cleaner: He went out with my wife.
Phoebe: Joey!
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, I did not go out with your wife. Okay? I went out with her.
Dry Cleaner: That's my wife. Get out! [yelling in Russian]
Phoebe: Well, we should go.
Joey: Yeah.

Joey: Hey, Ross. Listen. Chandler got you out of going to the lesbian sandwich museum this weekend.

Ross: Thanks? But I have plans. Elizabeth and I are going out of town.
Monica: Oh, that's great.
Monica: Yeah. Think of all the money that you're gonna make.
Ross: Why? What?
Monica: Well, her father pays you for babysitting, right?

Ross: Besides, Rachel's going out with Elizabeth's father. So he's much older than she is. Looks like I'm not the only one interested in fossils.
Rachel: See, Ross, all that does is remind us that you are interested in fossils.

Ross: Rachel's gonna need to yell sweet nothings in his ear.
Chandler: Ross?
Ross: Oh, come on! Guys, that's funny, you know? 'Cause he's got like a hearing aid, you know? 'Cause he's all old.
[Paul starts laughing]
Paul: One second. Okay, look, Ross. So you know, since Lizzie likes you so much I've decide to accept the fact that you are going out with her.
Ross: Really? Okay, that's great.
Paul: Yeah. But then I changed my mind. I'm funny like that. So I told Lizzie and now I'm telling you, I don't want you seeing my daughter anymore.
Ross: All right, look. I realize it upsets you.
Paul: Yes, it does.
Ross: But Elizabeth and I are both adults so I don't think there's really anything you can do about it.
Paul: I'll call the university and tell them about your relationship, and have you fired.
Ross: Oh. A man with a plan!

Joey: It was so cool when it was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be cracking up about something. Then I get fired off Days of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now he's just laughing at me. Look at him. That smug Belushi bastard.

Monica: I love museums. Soaking up all the culture.
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Where do you want to start?
Rachel: Ooh, the gift shop.
Monica: Yeah.