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‘The One Where Paul's the Man’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Paul's the Man

622. The One Where Paul's the Man

Aired May 4, 2000

Despite Paul telling Elizabeth to end her relationship with Ross, the pair of them sneak up to Paul's cabin for a romantic getaway. Meanwhile, Chandler freaks out when Monica adds their name to a long waiting list for a wedding venue.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hi, you guys.
Rachel: What's the matter?
Phoebe: Well, it's just one of these situations that I just hate. You know, a massage client gave me three tickets to the Helmut Peltz Exhibit at the Morgan Chase Museum.
Joey: Now you're thinking you gotta sleep with him.
Phoebe: No. No, it's just that he gave me three tickets and there are six of us.
Chandler: I'll give up my ticket.
Joey: Me, too.
Phoebe: Okay. That's so generous.
Chandler: And I think Ross is generous, too.
Phoebe: Great. Okay, then it's just us girls.
Monica: Great.
Rachel: Yeah. So what is the exhibit?
Phoebe: It's mostly just photographs of, um, lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.
Joey: Oh, man!

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Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Well, I guess there is no harm in putting my name down.
Rachel: I'm gonna do it, too.
Phoebe: Me, too.
Rachel: Really? Who would you marry?
Phoebe: I don't know. I don't have anyone right now.
Rachel: Oh, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Don't feel too sorry for me. At least my boyfriend isn't gay.
Monica: Phoebe, that's not-
Phoebe: Don't even get me started on yours.

Quote from Chandler

Answer Machine: You've reached Monica and Chandler's. If you're listening to this message, we're probably screening.
Chandler: Yeah, we are.
Hildy: Hi, this is Hildy from the Morgan Chase Museum. I'm calling for Monica Geller. I wanted to let her know there's been a cancellation. And if she's still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available.
Chandler: This is Chandler Bing. This is Chandler Bing. Yes, the groom. No, not the groom!

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: Oh, here it is. Joey, why did you sign it, "son of a bitch"?
Joey: I didn't do that. Who would've done that?
Dry Cleaner: Son of a bitch.
Phoebe: Okay. Maybe ask this guy.
Dry Cleaner: You. Get out of my shop.
Phoebe: What did he do?
Dry Cleaner: He went out with my wife.
Phoebe: Joey!
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, I did not go out with your wife. Okay? I went out with her.
Dry Cleaner: That's my wife. Get out! [yelling in Russian]
Phoebe: Well, we should go.
Joey: Yeah.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, Ross. Listen. Chandler got you out of going to the lesbian sandwich museum this weekend.

Quote from Monica

Ross: Thanks? But I have plans. Elizabeth and I are going out of town.
Monica: Oh, that's great.
Monica: Yeah. Think of all the money that you're gonna make.
Ross: Why? What?
Monica: Well, her father pays you for babysitting, right?

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Besides, Rachel's going out with Elizabeth's father. So he's much older than she is. Looks like I'm not the only one interested in fossils.
Rachel: See, Ross, all that does is remind us that you are interested in fossils.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Rachel's gonna need to yell sweet nothings in his ear.
Chandler: Ross?
Ross: Oh, come on! Guys, that's funny, you know? 'Cause he's got like a hearing aid, you know? 'Cause he's all old.
[Paul starts laughing]
Paul: One second. Okay, look, Ross. So you know, since Lizzie likes you so much I've decide to accept the fact that you are going out with her.
Ross: Really? Okay, that's great.
Paul: Yeah. But then I changed my mind. I'm funny like that. So I told Lizzie and now I'm telling you, I don't want you seeing my daughter anymore.
Ross: All right, look. I realize it upsets you.
Paul: Yes, it does.
Ross: But Elizabeth and I are both adults so I don't think there's really anything you can do about it.
Paul: I'll call the university and tell them about your relationship, and have you fired.
Ross: Oh. A man with a plan!

Quote from Joey

Joey: It was so cool when it was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be cracking up about something. Then I get fired off Days of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now he's just laughing at me. Look at him. That smug Belushi bastard.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: I love museums. Soaking up all the culture.
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Where do you want to start?
Rachel: Ooh, the gift shop.
Monica: Yeah.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Monica, you should totally put your name down for this place.
Monica: What? Are you crazy? I'm not getting married. I'm not even engaged.
Phoebe: Yeah, but there's a two-year wait. And what if you get engaged in two years? Then you've gotta wait another two years for this place? That's four years. Chandler's not gonna wait that long. He's gonna find somebody else, you know? Someone who did put their name on the list.

Quote from Joey

Joey: So, did you watch the tape of my show?
Dry Cleaner: I did.
Joey: All right. Let's get me back up there.
Dry Cleaner: No. You don't go up on the wall.
Joey: What? But you saw the show.
Dry Cleaner: Yes. It was very offensive to my people.
Joey: Dry cleaners?

Quote from Joey

Dry Cleaner: Russians. It showed them as terrorists and villains.
Joey: Okay, okay. Look, you got Harrison Ford up there.
Dry Cleaner: That's right. Mr. Ford is a very good customer. He brings us a lot of clothes. You bring us nothing.
Joey: Okay, that may be true. But in Air Force One, okay, the Russians were terrorists and evil. And plus, he kills a bunch of them. That's offensive to Russians.
Dry Cleaner: I've never seen it.
Joey: Oh, you should. It's great.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Well, why don't you go in that room and do your homework?
Elizabeth: Well, I wouldn't do it in there. That's my dad's bedroom.
Rachel: That's your dad's bedroom. That's your dad's bedroom!
Paul: Why are you yelling?
Rachel: Oh, that Diet Coke, I think, went straight to my head.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Well, make sure you tell him that Joey Tribbiani dropped off these clothes. I'm an actor. I'm trying to get my picture up there on the wall.
Dry Cleaner's Wife: You know, there are two people who could get your picture up there.
Joey: Oh, really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks. You're the other one, right?

Quote from Monica

Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah?
Monica: Have you seen Chandler?
Phoebe: No, why?
Monica: The woman from the museum called and said that there was a cancellation and that we could move up our wedding. And Chandler heard.
[Phoebe gasps]
Monica: I know. How bad is this?
Phoebe: Well, with a regular guy it's bad. With Chandler, oh, dear God!
Monica: I know. I know. And he totally freaked out and I can't find him anywhere.
Phoebe: What are you gonna do?
Monica: Well, I'm never going to listen to you again, that's for sure. "What harm can it do to put your name down?"
Phoebe: Rachel said that.
Monica: Well, Rachel's not here.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Please, Paul. Just let me explain.
Paul: No. Let me explain. Fired!
Ross: Okay, fine. Fine. Have me fired. But, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean l, too, am a "neat guy."
Paul: What?
Ross: And l, too am "just a love machine." [humming, grunts]
Paul: Ross, let me show you where the guest room is.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: I'm so sorry. Please stop freaking out.
Chandler: I'm not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Hildy called and said we were getting married. But that happens every day. Ah-ah-ah!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, Gunther.
Gunther: Hey. Take these cappuccinos to table 11. And that guy over there wants some biscotti.
Joey: Oh, well, I just actually came in for a cup of coffee to go.
Gunther: Do you still work here?
Joey: No. I quit a long time ago. Did I forget to tell you that? I'm sorry.
Gunther: Oh, that's cool. I was gonna fire you anyway.
Joey: Great.


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