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‘The One Where Ross Can't Flirt’ Quotes

Friends: The One Where Ross Can't Flirt

519. The One Where Ross Can't Flirt

Aired April 22, 1999

As the group gathers to watch Joey's appearance on Law & Order, Ross tries and fails to flirt with the pizza delivery girl.

Quote from Ross

Caitlin: One vegetarian pizza. It's 12.50.
Ross: Uh, by the way, if it makes you feel any better, I happen to like eight-year-old boys.
Caitlin: What?
Ross: I mean. No, no- Your hair. Before. Your hair. You said you thought your hair looked like an 8-year-old boy's and I'm just saying I like it. The hair.
Caitlin: Oh. Thanks.
Ross: You understand, I don't actually like 8-year-old boys.

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Quote from Rachel

Chandler: Rachel, when you were going out with Ross, did it bother you when he flirted with other women?
Rachel: No. No, it bothered me when he slept with other women.
Ross: And thank you for that.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: But you know, I never had anything to worry about. Ross was never really good at the flirting thing.
Ross: What- What- What are you talking about? It worked with you.
Rachel: Oh. No, you're right. We met, you flirted and then bam! Nine years later, you had me.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Hey, you know that smell gas has?
Caitlin: Yeah.
Ross: They put that in.
Caitlin: What?
Ross: The gas is odorless. But they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.
Caitlin: Well, okay.
Ross: A lot of other gas smells.
Chandler: Oh, the humanity.
Ross: Methane smells.
Caitlin: You know what? Actually, I really should go.
Ross: But I haven't paid you yet.
Caitlin: You know what, that's okay. You guys have ordered so many that this one's on me.
Ross: Was I talking to her about gas?
Chandler: More so than anything else.
Phoebe: I found it interesting.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Monica and I are celebrating our 10-month anniversary. Got reservations at Jean-George.
Ross: Wow. How'd you get in there?
Chandler: Well, made a few calls, pulled some strings ... and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both have chicken and didn't get dessert.

Quote from Chandler

Caitlin: Where's the chicken?
Chandler: It's in the back. The duck pissed him off. He said that eggs came first.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Ross, we broke up two years ago. You've been married since then. I think it's okay that we see other people.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I know it's in the apartment, but I definitely lost it.
Phoebe: What am I going to tell Monica? She wants to wear them tonight.
Rachel: Tell her to wear her own earrings.
Phoebe: These are her earrings.
Rachel: No. No. You lent Monica's earrings? I'm not allowed to borrow her stuff.
Phoebe: Why not?
Rachel: Because I lose her stuff!

Quote from Joey

Chandler: You flirt with guys all the time?
Monica: It doesn't mean anything. Just like it doesn't mean anything with you.
Chandler: Yeah, but there's a difference. You are a lot hotter than I am.
Joey: True story.

Quote from Ross

Ross: You know what I'm going to do? I am going to order another pizza. And when Caitlin gets here I will show you how well I flirt. I will get her phone number.
Chandler: Well-
Ross: And not the one on the menu.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Everybody just keep smiling. It'll kill my grandmother if she finds out.
Chandler: What is it?
Joey: They cut me out of the show.
Rachel: What?
Ross: Are you sure?
Phoebe: Maybe your scene's coming up.
Joey: Not likely. Because you see that body bag right there? I'm in it.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Soon. I'm gonna be on soon. There I am.
Nonna: No. Sam Waterston.
Joey: No, no. That's me. That's me!
Nonna: No. Sam Waterston. Crime Misdemeanor, Capricorn One.
Chandler: She doesn't know "hello," but she knows Capricorn One.

Quote from Chandler

Nonna: Joey?
Chandler: Joey's gonna be right back. Right back. Meanwhile, let's talk about you. So you're old and small.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: So, do you make the pizzas in one of those wood-burning ovens?
Caitlin: No, actually, I think they're gas.
Ross: Gas? Wow. Intense.
Chandler: If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Ross?
Ross: Yeah?
Phoebe: What else do they add smell to?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: It's actually my friend Ross. He just gets really nervous when he's flirting.
Caitlin: Oh, my God. That was flirting?
Rachel: Yeah. I know, I know. But I'm telling you, once you get past that part where it just feels like you wanna die, he's a really good person.
Caitlin: The guy with the gas?
Rachel: Yeah. I'm telling you, he's really sweet and really funny and he's just got a good heart. Besides, I think he really likes you.
Caitlin: Really?
Rachel: Well, we have seven people and, like, 10 pizzas. What do you think?
Caitlin: I just thought Joey was there.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Ground control to Major Tom, Commencing countdown, Engines On.
Joey: That's a scene from next week's show. Next week.
Phoebe: I am definitely going to watch that.

Quote from Monica

Ross: Uh, how does my hair look?
Monica: Ross, it hasn't moved since 1996.


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