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‘The One at the Beach’ Quotes

Friends: The One at the Beach

325. The One at the Beach

Aired May 15, 1997

Phoebe takes the gang with her as she hopes to learn more about her parents from an old family friend who lives in Montauk. When Ross starts to think Rachel might still have feelings for him, he must decide between her and Bonnie.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Is that woman capable of talking about anything other than sex?
Joey: Yeah, sure. Earlier she was talking about geography.
Monica: Joey ,she was listing the countries she's done it in.
Joey: I think we all learned something.

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Quote from Joey

[Joey is carrying a brown paper bag]
Monica: Oh, good. You bought food.
Joey: No, just my luggage. [pulls out a pair of underpants]

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I am having the best karma this week. I find this woman who knew my parents and then my client gives me his beach house.
Ross: What about that bike messenger you hit?
Phoebe: Oh, I wasn't talking about his karma.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: So what's Phoebe like?
Phoebe: I'm kind, caring and sweet. What's Monica like?
Monica: No, the other Phoebe. The one you went to go see.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: She canceled. My namesake canceled on me. She claims she had to go out of town.
She's avoiding me. She doesn't want to tell me where my father is. She knows!
Rachel: Pheebs, that sucks.
Phoebe: Well, don't "Pheebs, that sucks" me yet.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: She's out of town. There's got to be something in her house that tells me where my father is.
Ross: Uh, Pheebs, some people call that "breaking and entering."
Phoebe: Well, are any of those people here?
Monica: No.
Joey: Oh, no, no.
Phoebe: Look, I'll do something nice, okay? I'll fill her ice trays.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: No, I don't care. I'm not playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice.
Joey: But I made cards.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: Hey, you guys. Look what I found. That's my mom's writing. Look.
Chandler: "Me and Frank and Phoebe, graduation, 1965."
Phoebe: Do you know what that means?
Joey: That you're actually 50?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: No, that's not "me" Phoebe. That's her pal, Phoebe. According to her yearbook, they were BFF. [silence] Best Friends Forever.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Would you look at them? I'm never gonna find a boyfriend again. I'm gonna die an old maid.
Chandler: You're not gonna die an old maid. Maybe an old spinster cook.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Besides, worst comes to worst. I'll be your boyfriend.
Monica: [snickers] Yeah, right.
Chandler: Why is that so funny?
Monica: You made a joke, right? So I laughed.
Chandler: [laughs] A little too hard. What, am I not boyfriend material?
Monica: No, you're Chandler. You know. Chandler!
Chandler: Okay, so we've established my name, and hit me. But, theoretically, say we weren't friends. Say it's a blind date. I show up at your door and I'm, like, "Hey, nice to meet you. Hey. Hey."
Monica: I'd probably be scared of a guy using a fake voice.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Hey, check out the hat.
Chandler: Wait a minute, I know that hat. I was taken aboard that hat. They did experiments on me. I can't have children.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Seriously, where did you get the hat?
Rachel: Ross gave it to me.
Ross: Aw, I think she looks good.
Rachel: Thank you.
Chandler: Did he buy it for you or win it for you?

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Excuse me, my fashion-impaired friends, I'm here to tell you hats are back.
Phoebe: And this time, they've ganged up and formed one giant super-hat.

Quote from Ross

Monica: What's with all this sand?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Bob said there might be flood damage.
Ross: Either that or he has a really big cat.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe Abbott: Oh, well, you know, we were always together. The other kids had a nickname for us.
Phoebe: What was it?
Phoebe Abbott: The Three Losers.

Quote from Joey

Joey: You know what a really good rainy-day game is?
Monica: What?
Joey: I mean, naked game. We should totally play strip poker.

Quote from Joey

Monica: Strip Happy Days Game?
Joey: Well, I couldn't find cards, so it was either this or Strip Bag-Of-Old-Knitting-Stuff.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: "Fonzie gives you two thumbs up. Collect two cool points."
Phoebe: Mon, when you get five points, you get to make someone take off one item of clothing.
It hasn't happened yet, but we're very excited.

Quote from Ross

Ross: [rolling dice] Okay, come on. Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: "Your band is playing at Arnold's. Collect three cool points." Which means I have five and that means I get Joey's boxers.
Joey: Fine. Gang up on me. I got you all, right where I want you.
Phoebe: Come on. Take them off.
Joey: Actually, it's kind of cold. So how about I keep my boxers on and give you a peek at the good stuff?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: So you still don't think I'm boyfriend material?
Monica: Huh?
Chandler: I saw you checking me out during the game last night.
Monica: You didn't even take off your pants.
Chandler: Yeah, well, lucky for you.
Monica: What?
Chandler: I don't know.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Well, I assume the happy couple isn't up yet? Did you guys hear them last night?
Chandler: Yeah. I don't know what they were doing, but at one point sea turtles actually came up to the house.

Quote from Rachel

Bonnie: I think I brought back half the beach in my hair. It was so much easier back when I shaved my head.
Rachel: You know, I gotta tell you I just loved your look when you were bald.
Bonnie: Really? Because I think about shaving it again sometimes.
Rachel: Really? I mean, you definitely should do that.
Bonnie: You know what? I should do it! You know what? Thank you, Rachel. You are so cool.
Rachel: Oh, stop. Go on. Now go shave that head.

Quote from Ross

Bonnie: You wanna touch it?
Ross: No, but it's great.
Bonnie: Come on, touch it.
Ross: You can feel all the bones in your skull.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I was having a little chat with Bonnie, and guess what? She happened to bring up who was behind the whole head-shaving idea. And now, who was it? Oh, that's right. It was you.
Rachel: That was her idea. I just gave her a nudge.
Ross: She said you gave her the razor.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Come on, see? She doesn't look that bad.
Ross: You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Do you think it's easy for me to see you with somebody else?
Ross: You're the one who ended it.
Rachel: Because I was mad at you. Not because I stopped loving you.
Ross: You still love me? You still love me.
Rachel: Yeah, so? You love me.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe Abbott: The man in that picture is Chuck Mangione.
Phoebe: My father is Chuck Mangione?
Phoebe Abbott: That's just Chuck Mangione. I sold him a house last year.

Quote from Chandler

Bonnie: The water is great. You should go in.
Chandler: No, thanks. I just had an M&M.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Let me get this straight. If you go with Bonnie, you do the smart, healthy thing and move on. Right? And if you go with Rachel, Bonnie's free tonight?

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hi there.
Monica: That's that weird voice again.
Chandler: All right. Let me try it again. You'll wanna date this next guy, I swear. Hi, I'm Dorf. Your date for the evening. Oh, come on. Dorf on dating? That's good stuff!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Joey will be right down. He's just looking for his mask.
Monica: A swim mask?
Chandler: No, his gorilla mask. He, uh, wears it in the ocean to scare off the fish.

Quote from Monica

Chandler: Um, why couldn't I be your boyfriend?
Monica: Are you still on that?
Chandler: Uh-huh.
Joey: Would you let it go already?
Monica: Thank you, Joey.
Joey: But you'd go out with me, right?
Monica: No. It's the same as with Chandler. We're friends.
Joey: Whoa. Uh, let's say that we are the last two guys on the face of the planet and you have a gun to your head. Which one would you pick?
Monica: Which one of you has the gun to my head?

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Come on! When you go away, you have to play. It's like a law!
Chandler: Well, it's not a law. And as long as it stays attached to that tax reform bill, it will never be, mister!

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Chandler, why, all of a sudden, do you wanna play strip poker?
Chandler: I think because of margaritas three, four, and nine.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I know I've asked you this before.
Monica: A hundred times before! [taking the knife away from Monica as she chops vegetables]
Chandler: How am I not right for you?
Monica: I don't know. I like guys like Richard. Or Pete, before he went insane. I don't know. Just somebody more mature.
Chandler: [in a silly voice] Oh, so I'm not mature enough for you? Monica needs somebody more mature.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: So your first sexual experience was with a woman?
Bonnie: So, I was 15. It was my best friend, Ruth. And we got drunk on that hard cider. And then suddenly, we were making out.
Chandler: Tell it again. Seriously.


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