Monica: All right. Honey, my tests are down the hall. Are you sure you're gonna be okay?
Chandler: Yeah, I guess.
Monica: Look, I know this is embarrassing, but nobody cares. No one here even knows you.
Janice: Oh, my God!
Chandler: Oh, come on!

Phoebe: Hey, you guys. Look what I just got.
Rachel: Oh, wow. I love those. Where did you get them?
Phoebe: I bought them off eBay. They used to belong to the late Shania Twain.
Rachel: Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive.
Phoebe: Oh, then I overpaid.

Phoebe: Hello, "ja". It's time for your massage, "ja"? Put your face in the hole.
Rachel: A Swedish massage from a real Swedish person.
Phoebe: Okay, then I'm Swedish.
Rachel: So, what's your name?
Phoebe: It's a normal Swedish name. Ikea.
Rachel: Wow. What an interesting name.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: You know, l-
Phoebe: Time for your scalp massage.
Rachel: Wow. I really love your-[gasps]
Phoebe: Is something wrong?
Rachel: No, it's just- It just feels so good, Ikea. Hey, say, you'll know this. What's the capital of Sweden?
Phoebe: Um ... Stockholm.
Rachel: Damn. I wish I knew if that was right.

Janice: Oh, someone's a little cranky today because they have to do it in a cup. [laughs] Oh, they gave you the kiddie size.
Chandler: What?
[Janice laughs]

Rachel: All I'm saying is, I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
Ross: I don't know. They seemed to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils.
Phoebe: Wow. Joey and a professor. Can you imagine if they had kids? And if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism, those nerds would get laid!

Chandler: So a professor, huh?
Joey: Yeah. She is cool. And she's so smart. Her mind is totally acrimonious. ... Guess that's not how she used it.

Charlie: Actually, I'm a little surprised at myself. I mean, Joey's so different from the guys I usually date. I mean, they're all professors, intellectuals. Paleontologists mostly. You know, very cerebral-
Ross: Yeah, I know the type.

Joey: Hey, if we want to grab a bite before work, we'd better get acrimonious. No? Am I getting close?

Monica: Hey, what's this?
Rachel: Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new spa in SoHo.
Monica: Well, you can't show Phoebe this. She hates those corporate massage chains.
Rachel: What, now I can't get a massage? There are so many things that she disapproves of. I can't eat veal. I can't wear fur. I can't go hunting.
Monica: Do you want to go hunting?
Rachel: Well, I would like to have the option.

Monica: What do you wanna do tonight?
Chandler: Oh, well, maybe we could- [Chandler sweeps everything off the coffee table]
Monica: Okay, trying to turn me on by making a mess? Know your audience.