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‘The One on the Last Night’ Quotes

Friends: The One on the Last Night

606. The One on the Last Night

Aired November 4, 1999

On their last night as roommates, Chandler tries to give Joey money without him realizing, and Monica and Rachel fall out because she left all her packing to the last minute.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I'm just gonna label it "What were you thinking?"
Rachel: That's funny. Because I was just going to go across the hall and write that on Chandler.

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Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Now, look, I know I kind of sprung this whole me-moving-out-on-you thing. So why don't I just cover you for a while?
Joey: No, no. No way. Joey Tribbiani does not take charity ... anymore.
Chandler: It's not charity, Joe.
Joey: No. Forget it. I mean, thanks, but I'm done taking money from you. All right, I can take care of myself. Now, what's next? Come on.
Chandler: Okay, here's the electric bill.
Joey: This is how much we pay for electric?
Chandler: Well, yeah. [Joey turns the lights off] So we'll do the rest of the bills later, then?

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Okay, I'm going to be moving out, so you are going to be in charge of paying the rent.
Joey: Right. And when is that due?
Chandler: On the first of the month.
Joey: And that's every month?
Chandler: No, just the months you actually want to live here.
Chandler: Okay, here's the phone bill.
Joey: Oh, my God.
Chandler: That's our phone number.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Okay, Chandler can make boxes, Ross can wrap, and Joey can lift. Now, Phoebe, go tell the guys they have to help out. My God, thank you.
Phoebe: Hurry! Monica's gonna make you pack. She's got jobs for everyone. Now, it's too late for me, but save yourselves!

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: Maybe instead of thinking about how you're going to miss each other, you should think about some of the things you're not gonna miss.
Monica: I don't think there's anything.
Phoebe: Come on, there's gotta be something.
Monica: No. She's perfect.
Rachel: I have one.
Phoebe: Good. Great. Okay, you can go first.
Rachel: Well, I guess I'm not gonna miss the fact that you're never allowed to move the phone pen.
Phoebe: Good. That's a good one. Okay, Monica, anything? You know, does Rachel move the phone pen?
Monica: Sometimes. Always, actually.
Phoebe: Okay. There you go. Doesn't everyone feel better?
Monica: Not just the phone pen. I never get my messages.
Rachel: You get your messages.
Monica: Yeah, well, I don't think it really counts if you have to read them off the back of your hand after you've fallen asleep on the couch.
Rachel: So you missed a message from who? Chandler? Or your mom? Or Chandler? Or your mom?
Phoebe: Great. It worked. No one's sad.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Here it is. Our last pizzas together as roommates.
Chandler: Oh, I wish I knew that you were going to do that. I ordered Chinese.
Joey: Oh. Well, that's okay. Actually, in a way it's kind of nice. You know? Our last dinner together. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors, you, the food of yours. Huh?

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: So is Joey going to have to give up the apartment?
Chandler: Well, I hope not. I tried to offer him some money, but he wouldn't take it.
Phoebe: How much do you think he needs?
Chandler: I figure $1 500 would cover him for a few months, you know. But I have to trick him into taking it so I don't hurt his pride.
Phoebe: Why don't you hire him as an actor? You could have him dress up and put on little skits whenever you want.
Chandler: Well, that would help the pride thing.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: So what do you girls have planned for tonight?
Monica: Well, instead of being sad that tonight's my last night together with Rachel, we thought we'd go out to dinner and celebrate the fact that Rachel's moving in with Phoebe.
Phoebe: And also my birthday.
Monica: It's not your birthday.
Phoebe: What a mean thing to say. I wouldd never tell you it was not your birthday.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Knicks' season opener tonight. I thought you guys would come over and watch it.
Joey: I don't know, Ross. Not if you're going to talk about how you gave up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist.
Ross: I did give up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist.

Quote from Rachel

Monica: You're not dressed yet? We're supposed to start having fun in fifteen minutes.
Rachel: Well, and clearly not a minute sooner.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Now, everybody has to help. Chandler-
Chandler: [stammering] I have plans with Joey.
Monica: I though tyou said you were doing nothing.
Chandler: Yes, but for the last time.

Quote from Ross

Monica: Now, Ross-
Ross: Oh, I can't do it.
Monica: Why not?
Joey: Don't you have Ben?
Ross: Because I have Ben.
Monica: It's almost eight o'clock. It's almost past his bedtime. Where is he?
Chandler: He's at a dinner party.
Monica: Is he really coming? Because I can see into your apartment.
Ross: Of course he is. Uh, what? You think I'd use my son as an excuse? What kind of father do you think I am?
Monica: All right. Sorry.
Ross: I gotta go make a fake Ben.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Say, Joe, I had an idea for what we could do on our last night. What do you say we play a little foosball for money?
Joey: Are you crazy? You haven't beaten me once since my injury-plagued '97 season. It'd be easier if you'd just give me your money.
Chandler: Yes, it would.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, let's play. The big game. Italy versus China, apparently.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I win again. That's, like, 500 bucks you owe me. Woo-hoo. Man, five hundred dollars.
That is a lot of electricity, huh? [repeatedly opening and closing the refrigerator door] Whoa, I gotta buy some food.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, give me a chance to win my money back. Sudden death, one goal, $1 000.
Joey: You serious?
Chandler: Oh, yes.
Joey: Okay. Get ready to owe me.
Chandler: Okay.
Joey: Here we go. Ready? [Joey drops the ball and takes a shot, Chandler is eating Chinese food when the ball rebounds into his net]
Joey: No, no, no, no!
Chandler: No, no, no, no!
Joey: No!
Chandler: No ... one can beat me. [Joey kicks the foosball table, it breaks] See, that's why only the little fake men are supposed to do the kicking.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: "I'm Monica. I don't get messages from interesting people. Ever."
Phoebe: Hey, I call her.

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: One of you has to take the first step. And it should because she's the one who's leaving. It's harder for her.
Monica: Maybe you're right. But she made fun of my phone pen!
Phoebe: I know. I took it hard too.

Quote from Monica

Monica: What are you doing?
Rachel: I'm unpacking.
Monica: What?
Rachel: I'm not moving. Is that picture straight?
Monica: It needs to go about 20 blocks to the left.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Now, how much have you won so far?
Joey: Wow, 700.
Chandler: Not 700 exactly?
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: Double it.
Joey: What?
Chandler: Yeah, see, in Cups, once you get $700, you have to double it. Hey, I didn't make up the rules. Okay, so now after you receive the doubling bonus, you get one card. Now that one card could be worth $100, which brings your total to $1500.
Joey: Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Chandler: Now, don't get excited, because that's not going to happen unless you get the- No way!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Okay, you guys, I don't mean to make things worse, but I don't wanna live with Rachel anymore.
Both: What?
Phoebe: You're just so mean to each other. And I don't wanna end up like that with Rachel. I still like you.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Phoebe, you gotta take her. I know I said some really bad stuff about her, but Rachel does have some good qualities that make her a good roommate.
Rachel: Oh, really? Like what, Monica?
Monica: You know, how she has 147,000 pair of boots?
Rachel: Oh, yeah. Good start, Mon.
Monica: She lets you borrow them.
Rachel: Yeah. And you stretch them out with your big old clown feet.
Monica: Do you wanna live outside? Because it's getting cold!

Quote from Monica

Monica: She gets tons of catalogs and she'll fold down the pages of things that she thinks I'd like.
Phoebe: What else?
Monica: When I take a shower, she leaves me notes on the mirror.
Rachel: Yeah. I do. I do do that.
Phoebe: That's nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom.
Monica: And when I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me with a blanket.
Rachel: Well, you know, I don't want you to be cold.
Monica: And when I told her I was going to be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!

Quote from Ross

Ross: Hey, Mon. How's the packing going? Ben? He's fine. Yeah, he's right- Oh, my God. Get your head out of your shirt there, son. Oh. What? Yeah, it's a pumpkin. I'll come pack.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: What's wrong?
Joey: Ross and I were helping the girls pack, took a little break. I lost $1500 to him in Cups.
Chandler: Wha- How did you lose at Cups?
Joey: The same way you lost. I started out with the king and the queen. Bam! Ross gets a 2 and a 3. Then I get a jack and a king. Boom! Ross gets a 4 and 5. Even Ross was getting the Cup card, the D Cup, the sitting-down bonus. Meanwhile, I didn't even get half a cup. Nothing!
Chandler: Oh, man!
Joey: He'd never played before either. You know what I think, beginner's luck very important in Cups.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Can I ask you a question?
Chandler: Sure.
Monica: What the hell is that dog doing here?


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