Phoebe: My songs aren't good enough for your restaurant?
Rachel: Okay, we're still on that.
Monica: I didn't say your songs weren't good enough.
Phoebe: Well, then what's wrong with them? What, they don't go with your tiny portions of pretentious food?
Monica: Tiny portions?
Phoebe: Yeah, well, "Excuse me. I ordered the smoked salmon appetizer, but I can't see it. I can't see it."

Ross: Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. I seem to have forgotten a couple of things. Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? Thank you. Okay, a toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss, Band-Aids, shaving cream, after shave. And I feel like I'm forgetting something. Is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already? Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons.

Monica: Okay, quick question. By a show of hands how many of you were bothered by this woman's singing outside?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. How many of you enjoyed the music outside?
Monica: All right, let me ask you this question. How many of you thought the music was fine but not in keeping with the tone of the restaurant?
Phoebe: Okay, well, who identified this restaurant's tone as "pretentious-comma-garlicky"?
Monica: Okay, who thinks the food is delicious and a little pretension never hurt anyone?
Phoebe: Okay, well, all right, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll-taking?

Monica: All right, here's a question. Who was so worried about her restaurant being fancy that she made a big deal about her friend playing her music and feels really bad about it now?
Phoebe: Well, who was so stupid and stubborn that she lashed out against her friend's cooking which she actually thinks is pretty great?
Monica: I'm sorry.
Phoebe: I'm sorry too.
Monica: Hey, you wanna stick around and I'll whip you up some dinner?
Phoebe: Yeah, as long as it's free. The food here is ridiculously overpr- Who hopes the hand-raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me?

Monica: You know what, when I'm in the coffeehouse bopping along to one of your songs I'm wearing earplugs.
Phoebe: Earplugs or cloves of garlic?
Monica: You know what? You know what? I take back what I said before. You keep playing at the restaurant, because with your music driving people inside my bar sales have gone up like crazy.
Phoebe: What are people having, the garlic martini?

Rachel: Wow. I haven't seen you this worked-up since you did that dog-food commercial and you thought you were gonna be with a real talking dog.
Joey: Yeah, that was a disappointment.

Joey: You wanna come down to the set and tell me if I'm doing okay?
Rachel: Are you serious?
Joey: Yeah. Yeah. You just have to promise not to get yourself thrown out again.
Rachel: That was an honest mistake.
Joey: Right. "Oh, my God. Is this the men's room? I feel so foolish. Have you always known you wanted to be an actor?"
Rachel: Yeah, that was an awesome day.

Chandler: Look, this is ridiculous. I'm not paying for that room, okay? Well, thank you very much. Yeah, I'm going to Vermont.

Ross: Don't worry about it, just use your travel insurance.
Chandler: I don't have travel insurance.
Ross: Well, this is what happens when people live on the edge.

Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] And there's a country called Argentina, It's a place I've never seen, But I'm told for fifty pesos, You can buy a human spleen, Human spleen. Olé!