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‘The One with the Secret Closet’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Friends: The One with the Secret Closet

814. The One with the Secret Closet

Aired January 31, 2002

Chandler obsesses over what Monica's hiding in a locked closet. Meanwhile, Phoebe is outraged when she learns that Monica uses another masseuse, and Ross feels he's missing out after the baby kicks for the first time.

Quote from Joey

Joey: What are you doing?
Chandler: Monica has a secret closet and she won't let me see what's in it.
Joey: Why not?
Chandler: I don't know. What could she possibly be hiding in here that I can't see?
Joey: I don't know. Ooh, I'll bet it's Richard.
Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Joey: Well, off the top of my head maybe she's having her cake and eating it too. You being the "cake," Richard being the "too."

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Quote from Joey

Joey: Or...
Chandler: And here we go.
Joey: I saw this movie once where there was this door and nobody knew what was behind it. And when they finally got it open, millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. You know, it wouldn't kill you to respect your wife's privacy! Stupid closet full of bugs!

Quote from Rachel

Joey: So?
Doctor: She's fine. She was experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions. Mild discomfort caused by contractions in the uterine wall.
Rachel: Hmm. Mild discomfort? I take it you've had one of these Braxton thingies?

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I'm fine.
Joey: You sure?
Rachel: Yes. Yes. I got half a mind to contract that doctor's uterus, though. Mild discomfort. What's he talking about?

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Is everything okay?
Rachel: Yes. Everything's fine.
Ross: Your page said, "Come to the hospital." What? What was it? What happened?
Joey: Something called Braxton Hicks contraction.
Ross: Oh, oh. Thank God. That's no big deal. Most women don't even feel them.
Rachel: Okay, no uterus, no opinion.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: That's it, just relax. Come on, more.
Monica: Oh, God!
Phoebe: Yeah. You like that, don't you?
Monica: Yeah, right there.
Phoebe: You want it there? You take it there, baby.
Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah, say my name. Say it. ... And now I'm going to cover you back up. And I won't be speaking with you for several weeks.

Quote from Joey

Ross: I'm sorry, Rach, I didn't know. Are you going to be okay?
Rachel: Yeah, I'll be fine. But can someone please make sure that sandwich is gone when I get out there?
Joey: I'm on it!

Quote from Ross

Joey: What's with the candy?
Ross: Oh, when you beeped me, I was online at the concession stand at the movie theater.
Rachel: Oh, you went to the movies by yourself?
Ross: No- Mona!

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Hey. What's up?
Phoebe: Well, I left my guitar here again.
Monica: Okay. No problem. [closes door] Okay. Here you go. [Phoebe knocks, Monica opens the door again] What?
Phoebe: So you want to hang out or something?
Monica: Phoebe, you kind of caught me at a bad time.
Phoebe: Oh, are you and Chandler...?
Monica: Yes, exactly.
Phoebe: Do you guys want me to play for you?
Monica: No.
Chandler: Hey, Pheebs, what's up?
Phoebe: You ask an intriguing question, Chandler Bing.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Oh, my God! You're getting a massage? You never let me massage you.
Monica: Phoebe, I can explain.
Phoebe: You told me you hate massages.
Chandler: Buy stamps. Pick up dry cleaning. Don't let Phoebe in.

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