Monica: Now, in regards to the toasts, okay, you wanna keep them short. Nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing, and get out.
Mike: Is that what you say to Chandler?
Monica: It's 2101, and I am not amused.

Monica: All right, look, I need you at the rehearsal dinner tonight at 1800 hours.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Okay. What time is that?
Monica: You don't know military time?
Phoebe: Well, I must have been in missile training the day they taught that.

Monica: How hard is it to make an ice sculpture?
Phoebe: Ice sculpture? That sounds really fancy. I told you, I just want a simple wedding.
Monica: Please, honey, leave the details to me. Now, I wanna make this day as special for you as I can. Now, I was thinking the harpist should wear white.
Phoebe: Harpist? My friend Marjorie is playing the steel drums.
Monica: Oh, she backed out.
Phoebe: She did? Why?
Monica: I made her. Steel drums don't really say "elegant wedding." Nor does Marjorie's overwhelming scent.
Phoebe: Hey! She will shower when Tibet is free.

Joey: Hey, you're Mike's parents, right?
Bitsy: Yes, we are.
Joey: Gosh, our little ones are growing up fast, aren't they?
Theodore: How's that?
Joey: You know on the one hand, you're happy for them. But on the other hand, it's hard to let go.
Theodore: Who in God's name are you?
Joey: Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, buddy. But I'm just trying to be nice for the kids.

Ross: I can't believe we're gonna be the only people that aren't in this wedding.
Chandler: I know. I hate being left out of things.
Ross: And it's a wedding. It'll be weird if I'm not in it.

Joey: Hey, so you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's stepdad tomorrow, right?
Mike: Yeah. Yeah. Hey, thanks for doing that.
Joey: Oh, hey, my pleasure. So, what are your intentions with my Phoebe?
Mike: I intend to marry her.
Joey: Oh, a wiseacre. Now, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?
Mike: No more so than acting.
Joey: Strike two.
Mike: You're right. She probably will support me. Hey, unless we move in with you, Dad.
Joey: Strike three. You only get one more, Mike.

Monica: Okay. The bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say.
Phoebe: Okay. Hello, everyone. And thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event. And some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start.
Yeah. My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends. So l-
[Monica signalling to Phoebe to speed things up]
Oh, okay. I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen, who couldn't be here tonight, because-
[Monica signalling to Phoebe to speed things up]
It's not- It's not important. Well, she's in rehab. Anyway. So Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike, so he just brought my Mike. And- And-
Monica: Ahem.
Phoebe: But despite, you know- It got good. Okay, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here.
Monica: Oh, God.
Phoebe: And- And moment's over. So okay- Oh, no, forget that. I can forget that. And, oh, this is funny. Oh, but you need to know that to get that. So- Oh, well, okay. I- Okay.
[Monica signalling to Phoebe to cut the speech off]
Okay, Monica, I can't do it like this! This is my wedding, okay? I don't want this- Or this- Or this Okay? I just wanted a simple wedding where my fiance can go to the bathroom any time he wants!

Joey: Hello, Michael.
Mike: Joseph.
Joey: May I have a word with you, please?
Mike: This is ... great.
Joey: Have a seat. Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family. And instead, you disrespect me. I cannot allow this.
Mike: Are you rehearsing for some really bad Mafia movie?
Joey: More back talk. And yes, I may be borrowing a few lines from my recent unsuccessful audition for Family Honor 2: This A-Time It's A-Personal.

Mike: Joey, I kind of have a lot to do today. What do you want?
Joey: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very, very important to me, okay? And I wanna make sure you are gonna take care of her.
Mike: Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
Joey: That's what I wanted to hear. Because she's family, okay? And now you're gonna be family. And there's nothing more important in the whole world than family.
Mike: That must have been one lousy movie.
Joey: That was me!

Chandler: It really was an incredible wedding.
Joey: It was. Yeah, I kind of don't want it to end. Hey you wanna come in for a drink and a bite of corsage?