Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The One with Phoebe's Wedding’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

Friends: The One with Phoebe's Wedding

1012. The One with Phoebe's Wedding

Aired February 12, 2004

As Phoebe's wedding to Mike approaches, Monica drives the bride crazy with her meticulous organization of the event. Phoebe asks Joey to give her away, while Chandler and Ross vie for a role in the wedding.

Quote from Mike

Monica: Now, in regards to the toasts, okay, you wanna keep them short. Nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing, and get out.
Mike: Is that what you say to Chandler?
Monica: It's 2101, and I am not amused.

Rate

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: All right, look, I need you at the rehearsal dinner tonight at 1800 hours.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Okay. What time is that?
Monica: You don't know military time?
Phoebe: Well, I must have been in missile training the day they taught that.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: How hard is it to make an ice sculpture?
Phoebe: Ice sculpture? That sounds really fancy. I told you, I just want a simple wedding.
Monica: Please, honey, leave the details to me. Now, I wanna make this day as special for you as I can. Now, I was thinking the harpist should wear white.
Phoebe: Harpist? My friend Marjorie is playing the steel drums.
Monica: Oh, she backed out.
Phoebe: She did? Why?
Monica: I made her. Steel drums don't really say "elegant wedding." Nor does Marjorie's overwhelming scent.
Phoebe: Hey! She will shower when Tibet is free.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, you're Mike's parents, right?
Bitsy: Yes, we are.
Joey: Gosh, our little ones are growing up fast, aren't they?
Theodore: How's that?
Joey: You know on the one hand, you're happy for them. But on the other hand, it's hard to let go.
Theodore: Who in God's name are you?
Joey: Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, buddy. But I'm just trying to be nice for the kids.

Quote from Ross

Ross: I can't believe we're gonna be the only people that aren't in this wedding.
Chandler: I know. I hate being left out of things.
Ross: And it's a wedding. It'll be weird if I'm not in it.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hey, so you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's stepdad tomorrow, right?
Mike: Yeah. Yeah. Hey, thanks for doing that.
Joey: Oh, hey, my pleasure. So, what are your intentions with my Phoebe?
Mike: I intend to marry her.
Joey: Oh, a wiseacre. Now, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?
Mike: No more so than acting.
Joey: Strike two.
Mike: You're right. She probably will support me. Hey, unless we move in with you, Dad.
Joey: Strike three. You only get one more, Mike.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Okay. The bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say.
Phoebe: Okay. Hello, everyone. And thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event. And some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start.
Yeah. My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends. So l-
[Monica signalling to Phoebe to speed things up]
Oh, okay. I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen, who couldn't be here tonight, because-
[Monica signalling to Phoebe to speed things up]
It's not- It's not important. Well, she's in rehab. Anyway. So Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike, so he just brought my Mike. And- And-
Monica: Ahem.
Phoebe: But despite, you know- It got good. Okay, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here.
Monica: Oh, God.
Phoebe: And- And moment's over. So okay- Oh, no, forget that. I can forget that. And, oh, this is funny. Oh, but you need to know that to get that. So- Oh, well, okay. I- Okay.
[Monica signalling to Phoebe to cut the speech off]
Okay, Monica, I can't do it like this! This is my wedding, okay? I don't want this- Or this- Or this Okay? I just wanted a simple wedding where my fiance can go to the bathroom any time he wants!

Quote from Joey

Joey: Hello, Michael.
Mike: Joseph.
Joey: May I have a word with you, please?
Mike: This is ... great.
Joey: Have a seat. Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family. And instead, you disrespect me. I cannot allow this.
Mike: Are you rehearsing for some really bad Mafia movie?
Joey: More back talk. And yes, I may be borrowing a few lines from my recent unsuccessful audition for Family Honor 2: This A-Time It's A-Personal.

Quote from Joey

Mike: Joey, I kind of have a lot to do today. What do you want?
Joey: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very, very important to me, okay? And I wanna make sure you are gonna take care of her.
Mike: Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
Joey: That's what I wanted to hear. Because she's family, okay? And now you're gonna be family. And there's nothing more important in the whole world than family.
Mike: That must have been one lousy movie.
Joey: That was me!

Quote from Joey

Chandler: It really was an incredible wedding.
Joey: It was. Yeah, I kind of don't want it to end. Hey you wanna come in for a drink and a bite of corsage?

Quote from Joey

Joey: So he can't come?
Phoebe: No. And so there's no one to walk me down the aisle. And- Well, I would just really love it if you would do it.
Joey: Seriously?
Phoebe: Yeah. You've, you know, sort of been like a dad to me. I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom.
Joey: I am pretty "wisdomous."

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: So, what do you say?
Joey: Are you kidding? Phoebe, I would be honored.
Phoebe: Oh, thank you. I hope- I hope you know how much you mean to me.
Joey: Listen, I hope- I hope that you know- I don't want you to see your father cry. Go to your room!

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: Oh, it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy! Hello? Okay, stop screaming! Okay, so halibut. All right, so salmon. Either way. I don't- It doesn't matter to me.
Monica: Well, it matters to me!
Phoebe: Well, I don't care. So you pick.
Monica: Did you just hang up on me?

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Just subtract twelve.
Phoebe: Okay, so eighteen-hundred minus twelve is one thousand, seven hundred and eighty-eighty.
Monica: Six o'clock!

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: I'm sorry, you guys. But, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school. So, you know, you were- If it helps, you were next in line. You just missed the cut.
Ross: Oh, man.
Chandler: This is like figure skating team all over again. I mean, synchronized swimming. I mean- I mean, the balance beam. Help me.
Ross: Football!
Chandler: Thank you.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Oh, Pheebs, spit that out. That has pork in it.
Phoebe: I thought the pot stickers were supposed to be vegetarian?
Monica: Yeah, I changed them. I sent you a fax about it.
Phoebe: I don't have a fax machine.
Monica: Huh. Well, then there are gonna be a few surprises.

Quote from Chandler

Mike: Look, about tomorrow, I've got a question for you. I just found out that one of my groomsmen had an emergency and can't make it.
Chandler: What happened?
Ross: Who cares? And?
Mike: And I was wondering if maybe one of you guys-
Ross: I'll do it!
Chandler: Me!
Mike: You both wanna do it? There's only room for one.
Chandler: Pick me. I look great in a tux, and I will not steal focus.
Ross: No, Mike. No, no, you wanna pick me. I mean- Watch.
Mike: You know, I really don't feel very comfortable making this decision. You know, Phoebe knows you better. I'm gonna let her choose.
Ross: Well, if Phoebe's choosing, then say hello to Mike's next groomsman.
Chandler: Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror as he is me.
Ross: Please. You're going down.
Chandler: You are going "downer."
Ross: Is that what they say on the figure skating team?
Chandler: I wouldn't know. I didn't make it.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: So? What did you decide?
Phoebe: I decided to pee.
Chandler: Mike didn't tell you? You have to choose one of us to be in your wedding. One of the groomsmen fell out.
Phoebe: Oh, no, no. I can't choose between you two. I love you both so much.
Chandler: Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.

Quote from Ross

Phoebe: But I don't wanna choose. It's- Ooh. Okay, wait. Rach?
Rachel: Yeah?
Phoebe: Listen, I have a very special bridesmaid task for you to do.
Rachel: Goody! What is it?
Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that.
Rachel: What? What, what, what? No, I don't wanna do that.
Phoebe: All right, I guess I have to find a new bridesmaid.
Ross: I'll do it!

Quote from Monica

Monica: Okay, it's 2100 hours. Time for your toasts.
Mike: Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike.

Page 2 

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode