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‘The One in Barbados (Part 1)’ Quotes

Friends: The One in Barbados (Part 1)

923. The One in Barbados (Part 1)

Aired May 15, 2003

Ross and his friends attend a paleontology conference in Barbados where he's scheduled to give the key note address. Monica intervenes when Chandler gives David advice on his relationship with Phoebe. Charlie helps Ross reconstruct his speech when his computer is wiped.

Quote from Joey

Joey: I play Dr. Drake Ramoray.
Sarah: I'm sorry. I don't own a TV.
Joey: You don't own a TV? What's all your furniture pointed at?

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Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Well, at least you took me down with you.
Phoebe: I'm so sorry. I just I keep thinking about Mike. I'm crazy about David, and we're having so much fun together. Why? Why do I miss Mike? That's just That's gonna go away, right?
Monica: Well, I guess. In time. Yeah. I mean, my feelings for Richard are certainly gone.
Phoebe: You just did it again. Chandler. Your feelings for Chandler are certainly gone.

Quote from Monica

Mike: Hello?
Monica: Okay, Mike? Enough is enough. Now, you love Phoebe, and she loves you. So you need to get over your l-never-wanna-get-married thing and step up.
Mike: Who is this?
Monica: This is Monica. I'm Phoebe's friend. Listen, Phoebe is back with David. And he's gonna propose, and she's gonna say yes but I know she really wants to be with you.
Mike: He's gonna propose?
Monica: I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear through all this damned hair.
Mike: Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should. I'm not gonna stand in the way of that.
Neither should you.
Monica: You don't tell me what to do. I tell you what to do. Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados. And while I've got you, you've got curly hair. What do you do in the humidity? [dial tone] Damn it.

Quote from David

Monica: Oh, God, he's gonna do it now. Please, I cannot watch this. Let's go.
Chandler: I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? "Uh, Phoebe, um, I would be honored if, uh, uh" Spit it out, David!
David: Uh, Phoebe, um...

Quote from Chandler

David: Boy, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, huh?
Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.
David: Still, a girl calls you by her ex-boyfriend's name that's not a good thing, right?
Chandler: David, let me stop you there. Because I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. See, if you want advice, go to Ross or Monica. Or Joey if the thing you want advice about is pizza toppings or a burning sensation when you pee.

Quote from Rachel

Ross: I've gotta say, it means so much to me that you guys are coming all the way over there to hear me give my speech. Ooh, and I have a surprise. I had to pull some strings but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference. That's right. These babies will get you into all the paleontology lectures and seminars.
Rachel: Do you have anything that will get us out of them?

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Yeah, Ross, we're excited to hear the speech, but the rest of the time we're gonna want to do island stuff.
Phoebe: I think David will probably want to hear a few lectures.
Ross: Oh, right, because he's a scientist.
Phoebe: No, no. He's been in Minsk for eight years and if he gets too much direct sunlight he'll die.

Quote from Ross

Sarah: Oh, my God. I can't believe you're here.
Joey: I think I've been recognized. This happens all the time.
Sarah: Dr. Geller? I'm such a huge fan.
Joey: That never happens.
Sarah: I've been following your career for years. I can't wait for your key note speech.
Ross: Well, this is very flattering-
Sarah: I'd love your autograph.
Ross: Well, sure. Um, "Dear..."
Sarah: Sarah.
Ross: "Sarah. I dig you. Dr. Ross Geller."

Quote from Joey

Ross: Sarah, I'd like you to introduce you to my colleague, Professor Wheeler. And this is Joey Tribbiani.
Sarah: Are you a paleontologist?
Joey: No, God, no, no. I'm an actor. You probably recognize me from a little show called "The Days of Our Lives."
Ross: Dude, it's just "Days of Our Lives." There's no "the."
Joey: Okay, Ross. Boy, you...

Quote from Chandler

David: I'm sorry, I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already. Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
Chandler: Uh, because his penis was too big. Ha. I'm sorry. That's the kind of thing I do.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Oh, hey. Thank God. You guys are here.
Phoebe: What's going on?
Joey: Everything is upside-down here. It rains all day long and nobody watches TV, and Ross is famous.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: When I go places with high humidity it gets a little extra body, okay?
Chandler: That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross.

Quote from Phoebe

Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah?
Monica: I need to talk to you.
Phoebe: Are you leaving the Supremes?

Quote from Joey

Ross: Well, I know we start by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating.
And then I move on to what is clearly the defining moment of the Mesozoic Era, the breakup of Pangaea. Hello? And then there's the overview of the Triassic.
Joey: Ooh. Ooh. Any chance any of this happened in a galaxy far, far away?

Quote from Monica

Monica: Phoebe's going to say yes to David. That's what happens when you meddle in other people's lives.
Chandler: Phoebe's gonna say yes? That's great.
Monica: No, it's not. She's still in love with Mike.
Chandler: And there's no chance that will work? No, I called him and it's not gonna happen.
Chandler: [gasps] Meddler! Meddler!
Monica: Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with then I wouldn't have had to go in there and meddle myself. No matter how much we meddle, we'll never be able to unmeddle the thing that you meddled up in the first place!

Quote from Joey

Joey: This vacation sucks. I'm so bored. Stupid rain. We can't do anything.
Rachel: Well, I brought some books. We could read.
Joey: Hey, it hasn't come to that yet.

Quote from Ross

Charlie: This is such a cute picture of Emma. And is this your son or just some kid whose picture you bring on vacation?
Ross: That's Ben, my son from my first marriage.
Charlie: Your first marriage?
Ross: Yeah.
Charlie: You've been married more than once?
Ross: No.
Charlie: So why'd you break up?
Ross: Oh, it was- It's complicated, you know? She was gay.
Charlie: Oh, my God. This is so cool.
Ross: Okay. Odd thing to get excited about.
Charlie: No, it's just that I was engaged to a guy who turned out to be gay.
Ross: Hey. High-five.
Charlie: Didn't you feel so stupid that you didn't see the signs? My fiance was always going on long weekends with his "tennis partner."
Ross: My wife had a workout friend she went to the gym with every day for a year. She didn't get any fitter.
Charlie: Right, and everybody finds out and they're like, "I knew all along."
Ross: I know. It's like, if you knew, why didn't you tell me? I mean, call, leave a note. "Hi. Just dropped by to say your wife's gay."
Charlie: I know.
Ross: And then- And then you try to make the most out of a bad situation so you float the idea of a threesome.
Charlie: I didn't do that.
Ross: Me neither.

Quote from David

David: Phoebe. You're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was unbearable. Of course, the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help.
Phoebe: Sure, okay.

Quote from Monica

David: But, well, now that we're together again, I don't ever want to be apart. So to that end-
Phoebe: Oh, my God, Mike.
David: It's David, actually.
Phoebe: No, Mike's here.
David: Oh, hey, Mike.
Mike: Hi, David. Chandler. Monic- Oh!
Monica: It's the humidity!

Quote from David

Mike: Phoebe, I love you. I've missed you so much these last few months. And I thought we were apart for a good reason but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
David: Kind of steps on the toes of what I was going to say.
Mike: I'm sorry, David, but she really has to know this.
David: All right, but after this, I want to see you outside. If the rain stops.

Quote from David

Phoebe: I love you, but I never needed a proposal from you. I just needed to know that we were headed somewhere. You know, that we had a future.
Mike: We can have any future you want.
David: Okay, well, I'm gonna take off.
Phoebe: David, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
David: Just so I know, if I had asked first?
Phoebe: Yeah, I might have said yes, but that would've been wrong.
David: Please, you don't have to explain. I mean, perhaps if I hadn't gone to Minsk things would have worked out for us, and I wouldn't have ruined my career. Or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip.

Quote from David

David: So I'm proposing to Phoebe tonight.
Chandler: Tonight? Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? Oh, there it is.
David: Yes, well, being a failed scientist doesn't pay quite as well as you might think. That's one-seventieth of a carat. And the clarity is quite poor.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Must be a virus. I think it erased your hard drive.
Ross: What? Oh, my God. What did you do?
Chandler: Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail and I opened it.
Ross: Why? Why would you open it?
Chandler: Well, it didn't say, "This is a virus."
Ross: What did it say?
Chandler: "Nude" ... "Pictures of Anna Kournikova."


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