TV Quotes

Joey: Come on, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it and that's big.
Chandler: Oh, no it's terrific. You deserve this. After all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into show business.

Joey: Okay. Fine. Make jokes, I don't care. This is a big break for me!
Ross: You're right, you're right. It is. So are you gonna invite us all to the big opening?

Rachel: Oh, look, look, look. There's Joey's picture. This is so exciting!
Chandler: You can always spot someone who's never seen his one of his plays before. Notice, no fear. No sense of impending doom.

Phoebe: The exclamation point scares me. It's not just Freud, it's Freud!

Joey: [Austrian accent] Well, Eva we've done some excellent work here. And I would have to say your problem is quite clear. [singing] All you want is a dinkle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, To play with or simply let hang.

Rachel: Ugh, I feel violated.
Monica: Did anybody else feel like they just wanted to peel the skin off their body so they'd have something else to do?

Chandler: The usher gave me this.
Joey: What is it? The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. An agency left its card. They wanna sign me!
Phoebe: Based on this play? Based on this play!

Rachel: Look! I cleaned! I did the windows. I did the floors. I used all the vacuum attachments but the round one with the bristles. I don't know what that's for.
Ross: Oh, yeah, nobody knows, and we're not supposed to ask.

Monica: You guys, I am not that bad!
Phoebe: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember, I lived with you? You were a little. [mimics stabbing sound from "Psycho"]

Monica: That is so unfair!
Ross: Oh, come on. When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy.

Monica: Okay, so I'm responsible. I'm organized. But hey, I can be a kook!
Ross: All right, you madcap gal! Try to imagine this. The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.
Monica: Why not?
Ross: Because you're a kook! Instead, you wait until they send a notice.
Monica: I could do that.
Rachel: Okay. Okay, then you let me go grocery shopping and I buy laundry detergent, but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout.
Monica: Why would someone do that? One might wonder.
Chandler: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink. It's a hot day. Little beads of condensation are inching closer and closer to the surface of the wood.
Monica: Stop it! Oh, my God! It's true. Who am l?
Ross: Monica, you're Mom.
Monica: Oh!
[Phoebe imitates the stabbing sound from "Psycho" again]

Joey: That was my agent. My agent has just gotten me a job in the new Al Pacino movie!
Chandler: That's great!
Monica: What's the part?
Joey: Can you believe this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason why I became an actor! "I'm out of order? You're out of order! This whole courtroom's out of order! "
Phoebe: Seriously, what's the part?
Joey: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in! "
Ross: Come on. Seriously, Joey, what's the part?
[Joey mumbles]
Rachel: You're [mumbles]? What?
Joey: I'm his butt double, okay? I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and then I'm his butt.

Ross: What happened, big guy?
Chandler: Big guy?
Ross: It felt like a "big guy" moment.
Joey: I got fired! Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody about this! Now, everyone's going to go to the theater expecting to see me.
Rachel: Joey, you know what? No one will be able to tell.
Joey: My mom will.
Chandler: There's something so sweet and disturbing about that.

Joey: You know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years and I finally get my shot, and I blow it!
Monica: Wait a minute. Maybe this wasn't your shot.
Ross: Yeah, I think when it's your shot, you know it's your shot. Did it feel like your shot?
Joey: Hard to tell. I was naked.
Phoebe: No, I don't think this was your shot. I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you. I do. And you've just gotta keep thinking about the day that some kid is going to run up to his friends and go: "l got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!"

Joey: I’m here to see Estelle Leonard
Estelle: Just a moment. Let me see if she’s in. [turns around and then back] Hello
Joey: You’re Estelle Leonard?
Estelle: I know, I know you weren’t expecting some one so fantastically beautiful.

Chandler: Ross, 10:00.
Ross: Is it? It feels like 2.
Chandler: No, 10:00.
Ross: What?
Chandler: There's a beautiful woman at 8, 9, 10:00!

Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women l dream about look like fat, bald men.

Monica: Well, go over to her. She's not with anyone.
Chandler: Yeah, right. And what would my opening line be? Excuse me, [blah blah blah].

Rachel: Come on, she's a person. You can do it.
Chandler: Please. Could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.
Ross: He could never get a woman like that in a million years.
Chandler: Thank you, buddy.

Phoebe: Oh, but you know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really "nothing" guys. You could be one of those guys.
Monica: Oh, yeah. You could do that.