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‘The One with the Thumb’ Quotes

Friends: The One with the Thumb

103. The One with the Thumb

Aired October 6, 1994

Phoebe is upset by a streak of unwarranted good luck after the bank credits her money that isn't rightfully hers. Meanwhile, Monica is annoyed when the group like her new boyfriend, Alan, more than she does, and Chandler starts smoking again.

Quote from Ross

Rachel: And everybody knows this?
Joey: Oh, yeah, cushions the blow.
Chandler: It's like your parents put the dog to sleep and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.
Ross: That's funny. No, because our parents actually did send our dog off to live on a farm.
Monica: Uh, Ross?
Ross: Ha, ha. Hello! The Milner's farm in Connecticut? The Milners, they had this unbelievable farm. They had horses and rabbits that he could chase. And it was... Oh, my God. Chi-chi.

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Quote from Chandler

Joey: You okay, Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah, no, it's not even worth- It's my bank.
Monica: What did they do to you?
Phoebe: It's nothing, it's just- Okay, I'm going through my mail and I open their monthly "statement".
Ross: Easy!
Phoebe: And there's $500 extra in my account.
Chandler: Urgh, Satan's minions at work again!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Give it to me.
Joey: I'm not giving you a cigarette.
Chandler: It's fine. Do you want to get this part or not? Here. Now, don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that has been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.
Joey: Do you miss it?
Chandler: No, not so much. All right. Now we smoke. Oh, my God!

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Hi, guys.
Joey: Hey, Phoebe.
Ross: How did it go?
Phoebe: Not so good. He walked to the subway and said, "We should do it again."
Rachel: What? He said, "We should do it again." That's good, right?
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated, "We should do it again." means, "You will never see me naked."
Rachel: Since when?
Joey: Since always. It's, like, dating language. Like, "It's not you" means, "It is you."
Chandler: Or how "You're such a nice guy" means, "I'll be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you."
Phoebe: Or, or, you know, "We should see other people" means: "Ha-ha, I already am!"

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: Yes, because now I have to go down there and deal with them .
Joey: What are you talking about? Keep it!
Phoebe: It's not mine. I didn't earn it. If I kept it, it'd be like stealing.
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear with every step I took? "Not mine. Not mine. Not mine." Even if I was happy and skipping, I'd hear: "Not-not mine. Not-not mine. "

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Hey, Pheebs.
Phoebe: "Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited you $500. We're sorry for the inconvenience and hope you'll accept this football phone as our gift." Do you believe it? Now I have $ 1000 and a football phone.
Rachel: What bank is this?

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: You know what I liked? How his smile was a little crooked.
Phoebe: Yes! Like the man in the shoe!
Ross: What shoe?
Phoebe: You know, from the rhyme. There was a crooked man, With a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a while.

Quote from Phoebe

Ross: Hey, Phoebe, do you want the rest of that Pop-Tart?
Phoebe: Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?
Ross: Hey, I might.
Phoebe: I'm sorry. You know, those stupid soda people gave me $7000 for the thumb.
Chandler: Are you kidding?
Ross: Oh my God.
Rachel: Seven thousand dollars?
Phoebe: And on my way over here I stepped in gum. What is up with the universe?

Quote from Chandler

Ross: A thumb?
Phoebe: I know. I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitchhiker.
Chandler: Maybe it's a contest. You know, like "collect all five."

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Chandler, what are you doing? What are you doing?
Phoebe: Oh, gross!
Ross: What is this?
Chandler: I'm smoking!
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you. You've been so good for three years!
Chandler: And this is my reward.

Quote from Chandler

Ross: So I think Alan is the yardstick by which future boyfriends will be measured.
Rachel: Future boyfriends? I think this could be "it."
Monica: Really?
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him for his David Hasselhoff impression alone.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: This is so unfair.
Ross: Why is it unfair?
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? Ross, with his over-pronouncing every word. And Monica, with that snort when she laughs.
I mean, what the hell is that thing? I accept all those flaws. Why can't you accept me for this?

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody, or just him?
Rachel: Well, I could live without it.
Joey: Huh. Well, is it a little annoying? Or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
Ross: Now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, all right? I think it's endearing.
Joey: Oh, [emphasizing every word] you do, do you?
[Monica snorts]
Ross: You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.
Rachel: [emphasizing every word] Indeed there isn't. I should really get back to work.
Phoebe: Yeah, otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Rachel: Oh. The hair comes out and the gloves come off.
[As the group bicker, Chandler enjoys his cigarette]

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Don't you respect for your body?
Ross: Don't you realize what you're doing to yourself?
Chandler: Hey, you know, I've had it with you guys and your cancer, your emphysema, and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Hey, where's Joey?
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?

Quote from Chandler

Ross: [replaces Chandler's nicotine patch] There you go.
Chandler: Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: That's it. I'm getting cigarettes.
Ross: No!
Chandler: I don't care! I don't care. Game's over. I'm weak. I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke.
Phoebe: If you never smoke again, I'll give you $7000.
Chandler: Yeah, all right.


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