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50Quotes from ‘The One Where Everybody Finds Out’

Friends: The One Where Everybody Finds Out

514. The One Where Everybody Finds Out

Aired February 11, 1999

When the group notice that Ugly Naked Guy is moving out, Ross decides to try get his apartment. As Rachel and Phoebe join Ross on a tour of the apartment, Phoebe is horrified to see Chandler and Monica hooking up across the street. After learning that Rachel and Joey already know about the secret relationship, Phoebe suggests they have some fun at Chandler and Monica's expense.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler. Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! Oh! Oh! Oh! Chandler and Monica! Chandler and Monica!
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Chandler and Monica!
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Oh, my eyes! My eyes!

Quote from Ross

Ross: A new place for a new Ross. I'm going to have you and all the guys from work over, you know, once it's furnished.
Donald: I must say, it's nice to see you back on your feet.
Ross: Well, I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.
Donald: I wonder if it's time for you to rejoin our museum team?
Ross: Oh, Donald, that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I- What? No! No! What are you doing? Get off my sister!

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Phoebe, Phoebe. It's okay!
Phoebe: No, they're doing it!
Rachel: I know! I know!
Phoebe: You know?
Rachel: Yes, I know and Joey knows, but Ross doesn't know, so you have to stop screaming!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, did you see that? With the inappropriate, and the pinching?
Monica: Actually, I did.
Chandler: So now do you believe that she's attracted to me?
Monica: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She knows about us.
Chandler: Are you serious?
Monica: Phoebe knows, and she's just trying to freak us out. That's the only explanation for it.
Chandler: Okay, but what about, you know, my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps? [Chandler feels his arm] She knows!

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Okay, okay, okay. You win. I can't have sex with you.
Phoebe: And why not?
Chandler: Because I'm in love with Monica.
Phoebe: You-re You're what?
Chandler: Love her. That's right. I love her. I love her. I love you, Monica.
Monica: I love you too, Chandler.
Phoebe: I just thought you guys were doing it. I didn't know you were in love!
Joey: Dude!

Quote from Ross

Rachel: Hey, Ross, any word on the apartment yet?
Ross: Well, I called there, and it turns out Naked Guy is subletting it himself and he's already had 100 applicants.
Phoebe: Oh, man.
Ross: No, no, it's okay. I've got the edge. I know it's not exactly ethical, but I sent him a bribe to tip the scales in my direction. Check it out. You can probably see it from the window.
Monica: Is it that pinball machine with the big bow on it?
Ross: No.
Chandler: That new mountain bike?
Ross: No.
Monica: Well, what did you send?
Ross: A basket of mini muffins.
Phoebe: There's a whole table of mini muffin baskets. Which one did you send?
Ross: The small one.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: You know what you should do? You should find out what his hobbies are and use that to bond with him. Yeah, like if I wanted something from Joey I would strike up a conversation about, say, sandwiches or, uh, my underwear.
Joey: I'm listening.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Hey. If he's moving, maybe I should try to get his place.
Joey: Good idea.
Ross: It would be so cool to live across from you guys.
Joey: Hey, then we could do that telephone thing, you know, where you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string.
Chandler: Or we could do the actual telephone thing.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: You don't have to do anything. Just don't tell them we know.
Joey: No. I can't take anymore secrets. I got your secrets, I got their secrets, I got secrets of my own, you know.
Rachel: You don't have any secrets.
Joey: Oh, yeah? Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: How are we going to mess with them?
Phoebe: Well, you could use your position as the roommate. And then I would use the strongest tool at my disposal, my sexuality.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey. Wow. That jacket looks great on you.
Chandler: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah, the material is so soft. Oh. Hello, Mr. Bicep. You been working out?
Chandler: Well, you know, I try to squeeze things. [Phoebe laughs] Are you okay? Well, if you really want to know- I can't tell you this.
Chandler: Phoebe, it's me. You can tell me anything.
Phoebe: Well, actually, you are the one person I can't tell this to. And the one person I want to the most.
Chandler: What's going on?
Phoebe: I think it's just that, you know, I haven't been with a guy in so long and, you know how, sometimes you're looking for something and you just don't even see that it's right there in front of you, sipping coffee. Oh, no. Have I said too much? Well, just something to think about. I know I will.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: You are so cute. How did you get to be so cute?
Chandler: Well, my grandfather was Swedish. And my grandmother was a tiny little bunny.
Monica: Now you're even cuter.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: You know, that is a popular opinion today, I must say.
Monica: What?
Chandler: The weirdest thing happened at the coffeehouse. I think Phoebe was hitting on me.
Monica: What are you talking about?
Chandler: I'm telling you, I think Phoebe thinks I'm foxy.
Monica: It's not possible.
Chandler: Ow.
Monica: I'm sorry, it's just, Phoebe's always thought you were charming in a sexless kind of way.
Chandler: Oh, well, you know, I can't hear that enough.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: I just think you misunderstood her.
Chandler: I didn't misunderstand, okay? She was all over me. She touched my bicep, for crying out loud.
Monica: This bicep?
Chandler: Well, it's not flexed right now.

Quote from Phoebe

Rachel: Hey, Mon, what are you doing right now, you want to come see a movie with us?
Monica: Actually, I was going to do some laundry. Hey, Chandler, you want to do it with me?
Chandler: Sure, I'll do it with you.
Rachel: Okay, great. Hold on a second. Uh, here you go. You don't mind, do you? That would really help me out a lot. Thanks.
Monica: You know what? I don't think I have enough quarters.
Phoebe: Oh, I have quarters!

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: What? You actually thought that basket was going to get you the apartment?
Ross: Well, yeah. Someone sent us a basket at work once, and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.
Chandler: Your work makes me sad.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Oh, man, I want that place so much. And I was so sure that was going to work. There's 12 bucks I'll never see again.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Phoebe knows about us.
Joey: Well, I didn't tell them.
Monica: Them? Who's "them"?
Joey: Uh, Phoebe .... and Joey.

Quote from Joey

Monica: Joey!
Joey: And Rachel. I would have told you, but they made me promise not to tell.
Chandler: Oh, man.
Joey: I'm sorry. But it's over now, right? You can tell them you know they know, and I can go back to knowing absolutely nothing.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Unless-
Joey: No. Not "unless". This must end now.
Monica: Oh, they think they are so slick messing with us. But they don't know that we know that they know. So...
Chandler: Ah, yes. The messers become the messees!

Quote from Ross

Ross: That is a great idea. And I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for, like, five years. So that gives me back my edge.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: It's Chandler.
Phoebe: [on the phone] Hello, you.
Chandler: Hello, Phoebe, I've been thinking about you all day.
Phoebe: Huh?
Chandler: Well, you know that thing you said before? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.
Phoebe: Really?
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Joey won't be here tonight. So why don't you come over? And I'll let you feel my bicep. Or maybe more.
Phoebe: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye. Oh, my God. He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Are you kidding? I cannot believe he would do that to Mon- Joey? Do they know that we know?
Joey: No.
Rachel: Joey?
Joey: They know you know.
Rachel: Urgh. I knew it! I cannot believe those two.
Phoebe: They thought they could mess with us? They're trying to mess with us? They don't know that we know they know we know. And Joey, you can't say anything.
Joey: Couldn't if I wanted to.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Good evening, sir. I'm Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I realize that the competition is fierce but- I'm sorry, I can't help but notice that you're naked. [claps] I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this looks so great. That is how God intended it.

Quote from Rachel

Joey: Hey, check it out. Check it out. Ugly Naked Guy's got a naked friend.
Rachel: Oh, yeah. [gasps] Oh, my God. That's our friend. It's Naked Ross!
Joey: Naked Ross!

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Joey, look at it this way. The sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler, the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Joey: I like that. Oh, okay. Show him your bra. He's afraid of bras. Can't work them. [Joey opens Phoebe's blouse]
Phoebe: Wow. You didn't rip off any buttons.
Joey: It's not my first time.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Now you go back out there and seduce her till she cracks.
Chandler: Okay. Give me a second. Did you clean up in here?
Monica: Of course.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Well, come here. I'm very happy we're going to have all the sex.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. And may I say your breasts are still showing.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: All right! So that's it? It's over. Everybody knows.
Monica: Well, actually, Ross doesn't.
Chandler: And we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.

Quote from Ross

Phoebe: Hey, you guys, look. Ugly Naked Guy's putting stuff in boxes.
Rachel: I'd say from the looks of it, our naked buddy is moving.
Ross: Ironically, most of the boxes seem to be labeled "Clothes."

Quote from Rachel

Ross: Oh, my God. I love this apartment. Isn't it perfect? I can't believe I never realized how great it is.
Rachel: Well, that is because your eye immediately goes to the big naked man.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm going to go use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom.

Quote from Rachel

Phoebe: You mean whenever Monica and Chandler were doing laundry or going grocery shopping? All that time Monica spent on the phone with Linda from camp?
Rachel: Uh-huh. Doing it, doing it, phone doing it.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: I can't believe it. I think it's great. For him. She might be able to do better.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Joey, come here. Phoebe just found out about Monica and Chandler.
Joey: You mean how they're friends and nothing more?
Rachel: No. No, Joey, she knows. We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment and saw them doing it through the window. Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: So they know you know, and they don't know that Rachel knows?
Joey: Yes, but you know what, it doesn't matter who knows what. Now enough of us know that we could just tell them we know. Now, all the lying and the secrets will finally be over.
Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know, and have a little fun of our own.
Rachel: What do you mean?
Phoebe: Well, you know, every time they say they are doing laundry, we'll just give them a bunch of laundry to do.
Rachel: Oh, I would enjoy that.

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Hello, children.
Phoebe: Okay. Watch. Learn. And don't eat my cookie.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Bye, Chandler. I miss you already.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Let's see now. He had the trampoline.
Phoebe: He broke that.
Ross: He had gravity boots.
Rachel: Yeah, he broke those too.
Joey: So he likes to break stuff.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: All right, I'm going to go in.
Rachel: Be sexy.
Phoebe: Please.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: So, Chandler, I'd love to come by tonight.
Chandler: Really?
Phoebe: Oh, absolutely. Shall we say, around 7?
Chandler: Yes.
Phoebe: Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: Make her think you want to have sex with her and it will freak her out.
Chandler: Okay, how far am I gonna have to go with her?
Monica: She'll give in way before you do.
Chandler: How do you know?
Monica: Because you're on my team. And my team always wins.
Chandler: At this?

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: You know, when you say things like that, it makes me want to rip that sweater vest right off.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Why don't we move into the bedroom?
Phoebe: Really?
Chandler: Oh. Do you not want to?
Phoebe: No, no. First I want to take off all my clothes and have you rub lotion on me.
Chandler: That would be nice. I'll go get the lotion.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: You should be. I'm very bendy.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: I'm going to kiss you now.
Chandler: Not if I kiss you first.

Quote from Chandler

Rachel: Aww, I'm going to miss that big old squishy butt.
Chandler: And we're done with the chicken fried rice.

Quote from Joey

Ross: Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?
Phoebe: Well, I wouldn't bring that up. It would probably just bum him out.
Joey: Yeah, poor cat never saw that big butt coming.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Aren't you guys done yet? I want to sit in my chair.

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