‘The One Where Everybody Finds Out’
Season 5, Episode 14 - Aired February 11, 1999
When the group notice that Ugly Naked Guy is moving out, Ross decides to try get his apartment. As Rachel and Phoebe join Ross on a tour of the apartment, Phoebe is horrified to see Chandler and Monica hooking up across the street. After learning that Rachel and Joey already know about the secret relationship, Phoebe suggests they have some fun at Chandler and Monica's expense.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler. Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! Oh! Oh! Oh! Chandler and Monica! Chandler and Monica!
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Chandler and Monica!
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Oh, my eyes! My eyes!
Quote from Ross
Ross: A new place for a new Ross. I'm going to have you and all the guys from work over, you know, once it's furnished.
Donald: I must say, it's nice to see you back on your feet.
Ross: Well, I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.
Donald: I wonder if it's time for you to rejoin our museum team?
Ross: Oh, Donald, that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I- [looks out the window] What? No! No! What are you doing? Get off my sister!
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Phoebe, Phoebe. It's okay!
Phoebe: No, they're doing it!
Rachel: I know! I know!
Phoebe: You know?
Rachel: Yes, I know and Joey knows, but Ross doesn't know, so you have to stop screaming!
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Okay, did you see that? With the inappropriate, and the pinching?
Monica: Actually, I did.
Chandler: So now do you believe that she's attracted to me?
Monica: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She knows about us.
Chandler: Are you serious?
Monica: Phoebe knows, and she's just trying to freak us out. That's the only explanation for it.
Chandler: Okay, but what about, you know, my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps? [Chandler feels his arm] She knows!
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Okay, okay, okay. You win. I can't have sex with you.
Phoebe: And why not?
Chandler: Because I'm in love with Monica.
Phoebe: You-re You're what?
Chandler: Love her. That's right. I love her. I love her. I love you, Monica.
Monica: I love you too, Chandler.
Phoebe: I just thought you guys were doing it. I didn't know you were in love!
Joey: Dude!
Quote from Ross
Rachel: Hey, Ross, any word on the apartment yet?
Ross: Well, I called there, and it turns out Naked Guy is subletting it himself and he's already had 100 applicants.
Phoebe: Oh, man.
Ross: No, no, it's okay. I've got the edge. I know it's not exactly ethical, but I sent him a bribe to tip the scales in my direction. Check it out. You can probably see it from the window.
Monica: Is it that pinball machine with the big bow on it?
Ross: No.
Chandler: That new mountain bike?
Ross: No.
Monica: Well, what did you send?
Ross: A basket of mini muffins.
Phoebe: There's a whole table of mini muffin baskets. Which one did you send?
Ross: The small one.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: You know what you should do? You should find out what his hobbies are and use that to bond with him. Yeah, like if I wanted something from Joey I would strike up a conversation about, say, sandwiches or, uh, my underwear.
Joey: I'm listening.
Quote from Joey
Ross: Hey. If he's moving, maybe I should try to get his place.
Joey: Good idea.
Ross: It would be so cool to live across from you guys.
Joey: Hey, then we could do that telephone thing, you know, where you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string.
Chandler: Or we could do the actual telephone thing.
Quote from Phoebe
Chandler: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey. Wow. That jacket looks great on you.
Chandler: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah, the material is so soft. Oh. Hello, Mr. Bicep. You been working out?
Chandler: Well, you know, I try to squeeze things. [Phoebe laughs] Are you okay? Well, if you really want to know- I can't tell you this.
Chandler: Phoebe, it's me. You can tell me anything.
Phoebe: Well, actually, you are the one person I can't tell this to. And the one person I want to the most.
Chandler: What's going on?
Phoebe: I think it's just that, you know, I haven't been with a guy in so long and, you know how, sometimes you're looking for something and you just don't even see that it's right there in front of you, sipping coffee. Oh, no. Have I said too much? Well, just something to think about. I know I will.
Quote from Chandler
Monica: You are so cute. How did you get to be so cute?
Chandler: Well, my grandfather was Swedish. And my grandmother was a tiny little bunny.
Monica: Now you're even cuter.