Chandler: Ding-dong, the psycho's gone!

Chandler: May I help you?
Eddie: Why doesn't my key work, and what's my stuff doing downstairs?
Chandler: I'm sorry. Have we met?
Eddie: It's Eddie, you freak! Your roommate.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry I already have a roommate.
Joey: Hello.
Chandler: He's lived here for years. I don't know what you're talking about, man.
Eddie: No, he moved out and I moved in.
Chandler: Well, I think we'd remember something like that.
Joey: I know I would.
Eddie: That's a good point. Okay, wow. I guess I got the wrong apartment. I'm terribly sorry.
Joey: Hey, no problem.
Chandler: See you. Goodbye, you fruit-drying psychopath.

Joey: Hey, Gunther. Let me get a lemonade to go.
Gunther: Lemonade? You okay, man?
Joey: It's career stuff. I don't know if you heard but they killed off my character on the show.
Gunther: That's too bad. How'd they do it?
Joey: I fell down an elevator shaft.
Gunther: That sucks. I was buried in an avalanche.
Joey: What?
Gunther: I used to be Bryce on All My Children.

[Monica looks at Chandler as he sleeps on her couch]
Chandler: Bah!
Monica: Argh.
Chandler: Why must everybody watch me sleep? There'll be no more watching me sleep! No more watching!
Monica: I wasn't-
Chandler: No!

Joey: [auditioning for a role as a cab driver] All the way to the airport, huh? You know, that's over 30 miles. That's gonna cost you about so bucks.
Casting Director: Excuse me, that's fifty bucks.
Joey: What?
Casting Director: Five-O dollars.

Chandler: Hey, Eddie. What are you doing here?
Eddie: Nothing really. Just watching you sleep.
Chandler: Why?
Eddie: It makes me feel, um, peaceful. Please.
Chandler: I can't sleep now.
Eddie: You want me to sing?
Chandler: Look, that's it. It's over. I want you out of the apartment now.
Eddie: Whoa. What are you talking about, man?
Chandler: Hannibal Lecter? Better roommate than you.

Eddie: Oh, see, now I don't think you're being fair. One night you see me and you get scared. I mean what about all the other nights when you don't see me? What about last night when you went and got some water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door. What's that about, huh?
Chandler: I didn't realize that. Get out now!
Eddie: You really want me out?
Chandler: Yes, please.
Eddie: Then I want to hear you say it. I want to hear you say you want me out.
Chandler: I want you out.
Eddie: No, no. I want to hear it from your lips.
Chandler: Where'd you hear it before?

Estelle: Look, honey. People get fired left and right in this business. I already got you an audition for Another World.
Joey: All right. "Cab Driver Number 2"?
Estelle: You're welcome.
Joey: But I was Dr. Drake Ramoray. How can I go from being a neurosurgeon to driving a cab?
Estelle: Hey, there was a time when I used to play Pickle Tickle with Rick Harrison. Things change. Roll with them.
Joey: But this is a two-line part. It's like taking a step backwards. I'm not gonna do this.
Estelle: Joey. I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Al Minza and his pyramid of dogs. Take any job you can get, and don't make on the floor.

Chandler: So, you want me to help you unpack your stuff?
Joey: Nah, I'm okay. Just so you know, I'm not moving back in because I have to. I mean, I do have to, but. It's just that that place, it wasn't really. I mean, this is.
Chandler: Welcome home, man.

Monica: For a guy who's recently lost his job, you're in a good mood.
Joey: Hey, I'll be all right. It's not like I'm starting from square one. I was Dr. Drake Ramoray on Days of our Lives. I mean that's got to have some kind of cachet.
Monica: Cachet? Jaunty?
Joey: Chandler gave me word-of-the-day toilet paper.