Carol: G.I. Joe? G.I. Joe?!
Ross: I don't know what to tell you guys. That's the doll he chose.
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?

Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.

Ross: This is so your fault.
Susan: How is this my fault?
Ross: Carol never threw me out of a room before you.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Ross: Are you trying to be clever?

Monica: So your first whole weekend without Ben, what are you guys going to doing?
Carol: We're going down to colonial Williamsburg.
Susan: Yeah, a woman I went to college just became the first female blacksmith down there.
Ross: Well, you know, they're a little behind the times in colonial Williamsburg.

Ross: You're not serious. I mean, you really talk to it?
Susan: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice.
Ross: Do you talk about me?
Susan: Yeah, yeah. All the time.
Ross: Really?
Susan: But, we just refer to you as "Bobo the Sperm Guy."

Ross: I'm so sick of missing stuff. I want him for more than a day. I want him for a whole weekend. No, listen. I feel-
Susan: Fine.
Carol: That would be great.
Ross: Really? I had a whole speech prepared.
Susan: Oh, shoot, that would've been fun.

Ross: Where's my boy? Where's my boy? Here's my boy. And here's his Barbie. What's my boy doing with a Barbie?
Carol: He picked it out at the store. He loves it.
Susan: He carries it everywhere, like a security blanket. But with ski boots and a kicky beret.

Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.

Susan: Look, I don't see why I have to miss out on the coaching training because I'm a woman.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Susan: I'll flip you for it.
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no. Heads, heads, heads!
Susan: [laughs] On your back, Mom!

Susan: They're every 4 minutes, lasting 55 seconds.
Ross: 59 seconds. Quartz. Ha.
Susan: Swiss quartz. Ha ha.