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‘The One with Barry and Mindy's Wedding’ Quotes

Friends: The One with Barry and Mindy's Wedding

224. The One with Barry and Mindy's Wedding

Aired May 16, 1996

Rachel is a bridesmaid at her ex-fiance's wedding. Meanwhile, Joey needs to practice kissing guys to land a part in a Warren Beatty movie, Monica ponders the future of her relationship with Richard, and Chandler strikes up a romance on the Internet.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Yeah, there's just one thing that might be kind of a problem. See, I, uh, had to kiss this guy.
Chandler: 'Cause he was just so darn cute?
Joey: No, as part of the audition. See, I'm up for this part of this guy, who the main guy kisses.
Ross: Well, hey. You're an actor, I say you just suck it up and do it. Or you just do it.
Joey: I did do it, I'm a professional.
Monica: Then what's the problem?
Joey: See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that, me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa, not a good mother.
Phoebe: Well, come on, who cares what that guy thinks. What does Warren Beatty know about kissing- Oh.

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Quote from Rachel

Ross: [to Rachel] Come on out, honey. I'm telling you look good. [to the group] Tell her she looks good, tell her she looks good.
[Rachel emerges from her bedroom]
Phoebe: Oh my God. [stifling a laugh] You look so good.
Rachel: I can not believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when you're nauseous.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: I like this girl, okay, I seriously like this girl, you now how sometimes I tend get a little defensive and quippy-
Ross: Get out!
Phoebe: No!
Chandler: Well she totally called me on it, okay. She said, "cut it out, get real", and I did.
Rachel: Wow. What's that like?
Chandler: It's like this. Me, no jokes.
Phoebe: All right, stop it, you're freaking me out.
Richard: Oh, yeah, I don't like you this way.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing. Give Rachel another chance to dress up like Princess Bubblegum.

Quote from Monica

Richard: You really need the bassinet?
Monica: Well, I just think the baby would keep falling off the dog.

Quote from Chandler

[Rachel enters the apartment wearing the bridesmaid dress]
Rachel: Hey.
Chandler: I'm sorry we, we don't have your sheep.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: What does she mean by HH?
Chandler: It means we're holding hands.
Phoebe: Are you the cutest?
Chandler: I'm afraid I might just be.

Quote from Joey

Joey: What's going on?
Phoebe: We were just wondering if Chandler's girlfriend is a girl.
Joey: Oh, well. Just ask her how long she's gonna live. Women live longer than men.
Chandler: How do you not fall down more?

Quote from Phoebe

Chandler: Hey, look, Phoebe I wanted to meet her in person too, okay, but she's married, she has a husband.
Phoebe: What if the husband person is the wrong guy, and you are the right guy. I mean you don't get chances like this all the time, if you don't meet her now, you're gonna be kicking yourself when your 80, which is hard to do, and that's how you break a hip.

Quote from Joey

Rachel: Hey Joey, how'd the audition go?
Joey: Incredible. I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
Ross: Who?
Joey: All right. I'll give you one hint. Warren Beatty.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Hey, what did your agent say?
Joey: Yep, this kiss thing is defiantly a problem. Mr. Beatty wants to see it again on Monday. Man, I gotta figure out what I'm doing wrong. Oh, okay, one of you girls come over here and kiss me.

Quote from Joey

Phoebe: All right. I'll do it, I kissed him before I can do it again.
Joey: You see this, this is a friend.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Good, very good, firm but tender. I'd recommend you to a friend.

Quote from Chandler

Joey: Then I don't know what it is. What's the problem?
Monica: Joey, you know, maybe your just not used to kissing men, maybe you just tensed up a little, maybe that's what you need to work on.
Joey: Yeah, that makes sense. [Joey looks at Ross]
Ross: Over my dead body.
Chandler: [Joey looks at Chandler] And I'll be using his dead body as a shield.

Quote from Monica

Ross: So don't, I don't see why we have to go to this thing anyway, it's your ex-fiancee's wedding.
Rachel: Because I promised Mindy I would.
Monica: Yeah, well you promised Barry, you'd marry him. [Monica crawls away]

Quote from Monica

Phoebe: Ooh, someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little action?
Chandler: I may have.
Monica: Woo-hoo, stud.
Ross: What's she look like?
Chandler: Well, we haven't exactly met, we just stayed up all night talking on the internet.
Monica: Woo-hoo, geek.

Quote from Monica

Richard: You know that's probably why babies learn to talk, so they can tell grown ups to cut it out.

Quote from Monica

Richard: Well, uh, sometimes I think about selling my practice, we could move to France, make French toast.
Monica: Okay, so, uh, we're in France, we're making the toast. Do you see a little bassinet in the corner?
Richard: Like a hound?
Monica: Not a basset, a bassinet.

Quote from Monica

Monica: Do you not see kids in our future?
Richard: Oh, hey, I love children, I have children. But I just don't want to be 70 when our kids go off to college, and our lives can finally start. Look, I want you, now.
Monica: That's great. You know we don't need to talk about this now. Really, I mean this is, is so way, way, way, in the future, I'm talkin' hovercrafts and apes taking over the planet.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute. And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon.
Ross: Get away from me. I said no.

Quote from Chandler

Phoebe: Ooh, hey, what is all that?
Chandler: Oh, it's a website, it's the, uh, the Guggenheim museum. See, she likes art, and I like funny words.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: You know, what I think is so great that you are totally into this person and yet for all you know she could be like 90 years old, or have two heads, or it could be a guy.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Man, I got this close to him and Monica kneed me in the back.

Quote from Monica

Monica: So, I read this article in the paper the other day that says you're not supposed to throw rice at weddings, because when pigeons eat rice it kills them.
Richard: Oh, that's why you never see pigeons at sushi bars.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Oh my God, this is so humiliating. I think the only thing that tops that was, was, was when I was in the eight grade and I had to sing the Copa Cabana in front of the entire school.
I think I got about two lines into it before I ran and freaked out. Oh my God, my entire life is flashing before my eyes.
Ross: Rach, hey look, I remember that, it wasn't so bad.
Rachel: Oh, Ross, would you stop. You got me, I'm dating you.

Quote from Rachel

Barry: Oh Rach, you're still here, at our wedding, they were packing up the chopped liver about now.
Rachel: Yeah, I love that story.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Um, I got a question for you guys. Why do people keep is saying that it is good to see me up and about?
Mindy: Well uh, after you ran out on your wedding, Barry's parents told people that you were sort of insane.
Rachel: Insane?
Mindy: From the syphilis.
Rachel: What?!
Barry: Yeah, what are they gonna say you didn't love me anymore. Come on.

Quote from Joey

Joey: Angela? Joey Tribiani. Listen, what are ya doing tonight? I know you're seeing that guy, I was thinking maybe you could bring him.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Great. Go, man, go put on your shoes, and, and march out there and meet her. Oh, wait, no, no you have to take a shower, 'cause, eww. No, you know what you have to answer her, answer her first. No, no, you know what make some coffee 'cause its too much.

Quote from Monica

Monica: You know what, maybe I don't need to have children. You know, maybe I just think I do because that is what society - and by that I mean my mom - has always convinced me that I- [Monica looks at little girls dancing] I do, I have to have children. I'm sorry, I just do.

Quote from Ross

Ross: Uh, I would like to, uh, to add something to that-
Rachel: What? Why are you adding, why are you adding, why are you adding, why are you adding?
Ross: Most of you don't know me, I'm Rachel's boyfriend.
Rachel: Oh dear God.
Ross: Ross. Uh, I'd just like to say that it did take a lot of courage for Rachel to come here tonight. And, uh, just for the record she did not run out on Barry because she had syphilis. [band: rimshot] What are you doing? I'm serious. Uh, the reason she walked out on, on Barry is simply that she didn't love him, which incidentally worked out pretty well for me. [Ross looks expectantly at the band, no rimshot] Cheers.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: Ya, know what Barr, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not. See, 'cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least *one* of your weddings. [rimshot]

Quote from Monica

Richard: Okay, I'll do it.
Monica: You'll do what?
Richard: If kids is what I takes to be with you then kids it is.
Monica: Oh, my God.
Richard: If I have to I'll, I'll do all again. I'll do the 4 o'clock feeding thing, I'll go to the P.T.A. meetings. I'll coach the soccer team.
Monica: Really?
Richard: Yeah, if I have to. Monica, I don't wanna lose you, so if I have to do it all over again, then I will.
Monica: You're the most wonderful man. And if you hadn't of said "if I have to" like seventeen times, then I'd be saying "Okay, let's do it."
Richard: But you're not.
Monica: Oh my God, I can't believe what I'm getting ready to say. I wanna have a baby, but I don't wanna have one with someone who doesn't really wanna have one.
Richard: God. I love you.
Monica: I know you do. Me too. So what now?
Richard: I guess we just keep dancing.

Quote from Ross

Chandler: Where is she, Where is she? Oh, hey, I have a question, where is she?
Rachel: Chandler, relax. Chandler, she'll be here.
Chandler: [attractive woman enters Central Perk] Ooh, oh, oh, that's her.
Ross: Yeah, 'cause life's just that kind.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil.

Quote from Chandler

Chandler: Oh, my God!
Janice: Oh. My. God!
[Chandler walks over and passionately kisses Janice]
All: Oh. My. God!

Quote from Joey

Ross: All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and dammit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes.
[Ross kisses Joey]
Joey: Wow, you are a good friend. Of course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.


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