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The One with the Lesbian Wedding

‘The One with the Lesbian Wedding’

Season 2, Episode 11 -  Aired January 12, 1996

When Carol and Susan decide to get married, Monica is given the job of catering the ceremony. Meanwhile, Phoebe is inhabited by spirit of an 82-year-old client who died on the massage table, and Rachel's mother comes to town with a surprising announcement.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: She was, you know, 82-years-old and her name was Mrs. Adelman.
Monica: Oh, honey.
Phoebe: Yeah, it's just so strange. You know she probably woke up this morning and thought, "All right, I'll have some breakfast. And I'll take a little walk and I'll have have my massage." Little did she know God was thinking, "Okay, but that's it."


Quote from Chandler

Chandler: [singing] Who's the bitterest man in the living room? The bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: Oh, God. I can't believe you're so uptight about your mom coming.
Rachel: I know. It's just, it's the first time. I just don't want her to think that because I didn't marry Barry my life is total crap.
Phoebe: [As Mrs. Adelman] Talk about crap, try listening to Stella Neidman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I just can't believe this is happening. When I was little, everybody's parents got divorced.
I figured as an grown up, I wouldn't have to worry about it.
Monica: Is there any chance you could look at this as flattering? I mean, she's doing it because she wants to be more like you.
Rachel: Well, then, you know, couldn't she have just copied my haircut?

Quote from Phoebe

Mr. Adelman: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Hi, Mr. Adelman. Nice to see you. Thanks for meeting me.
Mr. Adelman: That's okay. Although you did cut into my busy day of sitting.
Phoebe: Do you wanna sit?
Mr. Adelman: No, please, I spent most of mid-morning trying to stand up. Now, what can I do for you, my dear?
Phoebe: Okay, I don't know how to say this, but. I think when your wife's spirit left her body it kind of stuck around in me.
Mr. Adelman: You're saying my wife is in you?
Phoebe: Yeah. You don't have to believe me, but can you think of any unfinished business she had? Any reason to hang around?
Mr. Adelman: Well, I don't know what to tell you, dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
Phoebe: Everything?
Mr. Adelman: Everything.
Phoebe: Whoa, that's a lot of stuff.
Mr. Adelman: Oh, wait, l- I remember she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time.
Phoebe: I'm sorry. There's laughing in my head.
Mr. Adelman: Worth a shot, huh?

Quote from Chandler

Joey: It just seems so futile. You know? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.
Chandler: Well, now you understand how I feel every single day, okay. The world is my lesbian wedding.

Quote from Phoebe

Minister: Nothing makes God happier than when two people, any two people, come together in love. Friends, family, we're gathered here today to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony.
Phoebe: [as Mrs. Adelman:] Oh, my God. Now I've seen everything! Whoa, she's gone. She's gone. She's gone. Go ahead, get married. Go, go.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Ooh, she's pretty.
Joey: And she's really nice, too. She taught me about how to work with the cameras and smell-the-fart acting.
Rachel: I'm sorry, what?
Ross: Excuse me?
Joey: It's like you got so many lines to learn so fast that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinking you take this big pause where you look all intense. Like this:
All: Okay.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: God, this is so hard. I can't decide between lamb or duck.
Chandler: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.

Quote from Mrs. Green

Mrs. Green: Oh, my God. There's an unattractive nude man playing the cello.
Rachel: Yeah, well, just be glad he's not playing a smaller instrument.

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