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‘The One with the Lesbian Wedding’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Friends: The One with the Lesbian Wedding

211. The One with the Lesbian Wedding

Aired January 12, 1996

When Carol and Susan decide to get married, Monica is given the job of catering the ceremony. Meanwhile, Phoebe is inhabited by spirit of an 82-year-old client who died on the massage table, and Rachel's mother comes to town with a surprising announcement.

Quote from Phoebe

Phoebe: She was, you know, 82-years-old and her name was Mrs. Adelman.
Monica: Oh, honey.
Phoebe: Yeah, it's just so strange. You know she probably woke up this morning and thought, "All right, I'll have some breakfast. And I'll take a little walk and I'll have have my massage." Little did she know God was thinking, "Okay, but that's it."


Quote from Chandler

Chandler: [singing] Who's the bitterest man in the living room? The bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor.

Quote from Phoebe

Joey: Oh, God. I can't believe you're so uptight about your mom coming.
Rachel: I know. It's just, it's the first time. I just don't want her to think that because I didn't marry Barry my life is total crap.
Phoebe: [As Mrs. Adelman] Talk about crap, try listening to Stella Neidman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.

Quote from Rachel

Rachel: I just can't believe this is happening. When I was little, everybody's parents got divorced.
I figured as an grown up, I wouldn't have to worry about it.
Monica: Is there any chance you could look at this as flattering? I mean, she's doing it because she wants to be more like you.
Rachel: Well, then, you know, couldn't she have just copied my haircut?

Quote from Phoebe

Mr. Adelman: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Hi, Mr. Adelman. Nice to see you. Thanks for meeting me.
Mr. Adelman: That's okay. Although you did cut into my busy day of sitting.
Phoebe: Do you wanna sit?
Mr. Adelman: No, please, I spent most of mid-morning trying to stand up. Now, what can I do for you, my dear?
Phoebe: Okay, I don't know how to say this, but. I think when your wife's spirit left her body it kind of stuck around in me.
Mr. Adelman: You're saying my wife is in you?
Phoebe: Yeah. You don't have to believe me, but can you think of any unfinished business she had? Any reason to hang around?
Mr. Adelman: Well, I don't know what to tell you, dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
Phoebe: Everything?
Mr. Adelman: Everything.
Phoebe: Whoa, that's a lot of stuff.
Mr. Adelman: Oh, wait, l- I remember she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time.
Phoebe: I'm sorry. There's laughing in my head.
Mr. Adelman: Worth a shot, huh?

Quote from Chandler

Joey: It just seems so futile. You know? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.
Chandler: Well, now you understand how I feel every single day, okay. The world is my lesbian wedding.

Quote from Phoebe

Minister: Nothing makes God happier than when two people, any two people, come together in love. Friends, family, we're gathered here today to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony.
Phoebe: [as Mrs. Adelman:] Oh, my God. Now I've seen everything! Whoa, she's gone. She's gone. She's gone. Go ahead, get married. Go, go.

Quote from Joey

Chandler: Ooh, she's pretty.
Joey: And she's really nice, too. She taught me about how to work with the cameras and smell-the-fart acting.
Rachel: I'm sorry, what?
Ross: Excuse me?
Joey: It's like you got so many lines to learn so fast that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinking you take this big pause where you look all intense. Like this:
All: Okay.

Quote from Chandler

Monica: God, this is so hard. I can't decide between lamb or duck.
Chandler: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.

Quote from Mrs. Green

Mrs. Green: Oh, my God. There's an unattractive nude man playing the cello.
Rachel: Yeah, well, just be glad he's not playing a smaller instrument.

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